A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.
The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal.
You’ve graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful,and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we’d hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we’re afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers.
I’m sorry… we can’t hire you."
“But wait,” the man says. “If I take two aspirin, I’ll stop winking!”
“Really? Great! Show me now!”
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
“Well,” said the interviewer, “that’s all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!”
“Womanizing? What do you mean? I’m a happily married man!”
“Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?”
“Oh, that,” he sighed. “Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?”
Two policemen (Constable Ken and Bob) call the station on the radio.
“Hello. Is that the Sarge?”
“Yes?”
“We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean.”
“Have you arrested the woman?”
“No sir. The floor is still wet.”
The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest.
Little Johnny at the back of the class put his hand up and asks the teacher, "Are you sure about the stork, miss cos I think you’re getting your birds mixed up 'cos my big sister just got a little baby and she said it was from a shag in Scarborough…
The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk.
Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Swansea quite
cheaply.
So, they brought the cow over from Wales .
It was absolutely wonderful,
it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows,
so they’d never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but
whenever the bull tried to mount the cow,
the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried,
the cow would move away from the bull,
and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset and decided to go to
the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and
ask his advice.
"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away.
If he approaches from the back, she moves forward.
When he approaches her from the front, she backs off.
If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this
before asking,
“Did you by chance, buy this cow in Swansea ?”
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned
that they had brought the cow over from Swansea .
“You are truly a wise Vet,” they said.
"How did you know we got the cow from Swansea ?
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:
"My wife is from Swansea "
