Social Anxiety Woes - dipping the toe in again

UK PROFESSIONAL DRIVERS FORUMS THE UK PROFESSIONAL DRIVERS FORUM (INTERACTIVE)
41

I feel for metrorider, I’ve suffered on and off with depression and anxiety for years. Not as severe as yours seems, I too drove buses and found the constant interaction was something I couldn’t cope with.

I’ve tried many different parts of haulage to find one that suits. I find that the bulk side e.g. Tippers and walking floors allow me to avoid too much time attempting to communicate with people when it’s extremely uncomfortable. My only interactions nowadays are giving details to a weighbridge operator or directions as to where to tip.

Maybe worth a thought.

Best of luck to you, and I hope you manage to get through this difficult patch.

42

the nodding donkey:

Juddian:
You arn’t alone in not wanting to interact with people, a lot of them are olympic standard arse holes and best avoided whenever possible.
It’s part of the reason i’ve stayed behind the wheel for so long, i’d last about a week in an office or factory floor being stuck with them before getting meself sacked for something said or done.
On days off we walk the dogs maybe take them to the beach, but otherwise live a quiet life which most would no doubt find boring but we both enjoy peace and quiet, lock the gates at the top of our drive and to hell with the rest of the world.

It takes all sorts to run the lorry game mate, and you won’t find a more cantankerous bloody minded bunch, or the complete opposite, friendly helpful oddballs, than reside behind the lorry wheel, with all sorts of in betweeners, we’re a very broad church, so simple as it is for me to say try not to worry too much about interracting with people, just go find yourself a job which you think might suit you which avoids too many people.

Avoiding jobs where you’re stuck in a poxy supermarket RDC waiting room for hours on end would probably be wise, i avoid such jobs too for various reasons, maybe the tippers or skip work might be a fair bet for daywork.

There is something for everyone in the transport game, and long may that be the case.

I have printed this reply off, and are going to have it framed…

A positive post from out Juddian, and not a single reference to Brexit or how the job is dumbed down by auto gear boxes.

Totally agree. Tells it how it is precisely without even mention of going three minutes over driving time either… :grimacing:
juddian would make the perfect TN drivers rep… :sunglasses:

43

The thing with driving is you don’t actually have to interact on a social level, get your notes and off you go, you can keep your head down and get on with the job. Not everyone can be the class clown or the social butterfly. I know drivers who only speak when they are spoken to but they do a good job. Everyone is different and don’t try to be anything else but yourself. If you feel someone is taking the ■■■■ just laugh along and tell them they are a ****, no harm done. crack on drive :slight_smile:

44

Freight Dog:

metrorider:
I admire your honesty non the less :wink:

Jeez, I wouldn’t admire that :laughing:. Don’t know why you’re tip toeing around him . Robroys a good un but in this case he’s talking completely out of his harris

He’s bandying all the psychiatric field into those who feel sorry for themselves just because of some 1950s arm chair bollarx. Speaking of being brought up, that generation were still carrying out sub orbital labotomys on kids in the 1960s. An ice pick through the eye and scrambled around the front of the brain. Genius

An arm is off, it’s obvious, a skin graft fails, it’s obvious. A brain goes wrong, it’s latent. The brain is an organ. The most complex. Quite how people struggle to accept this massive oxygen thirsty organ in a skull actually can go wrong is comical in its ignorance.

You wouldnt tell someone with schizophrenia to pull themselves together. Load of nonsense.

And yes I call a spade a spade too

Looks like I’ve ruffled a few feathers here. :smiley:
Firstly I have nothing against this lad nor do I know him.
I fully admitted that I was ignorant of his type of situation, and also admitted that because of that fact, maybe I should not comment.
Being that he put the matter up for discussion, I saw it that it allowed me to comment, and to be fair to him he took it in the spirit that was intended.

My views on people who as you said ‘‘feel sorry for themselves’’ was speaking in the context of the unlikely event of me ever qualifying for a job with The Samaritans :smiley: , not a direct opinion of this guy personally, who is intending to face up to his problem and try for a job.

My focus was more on the UK benefits criteria, as I said you can get benefits for even being a fat lazy self inflicted victim of obesity nowadays, as an example of my point.
You surely can not believe that everybody who claims to have something like for example… bi polar (Oh ■■■■ I’ve opened up another can of worms here) this appears to be the latest trend to gain benefits.

As an arse cover clause here, can I strrss that I fully understand that there are many GENUINE bi polar sufferers and that they are not by any means all benefit scroungers, but this is the sort of condition which can not be really denied or confirmed 100% apparentlly, by medical people, so the band wagon is jumped on by the workshy.
I know a guy personally who has admitted to a mutual family member that he is feigning it, he has been on benefits for years for many different reasons, and this is his latest scam…fact.
That is what my very limited knowledge of it is based on…I am NOT comparing the o/p with this guy, and to repeat myself not every bi polar sufferer who is genuine.

As for mental illness and methods of treatment practiced in the 60s that you cover, …I have no knowledge, nor admittedlly any interest in any such subject.

My main point was that by the lad’s OWN account and admission he was fully aware that the best course of treatment was to face it head on front it, and try and overcome it.
The benefits system have ultimately said to him ‘‘Here’s a few quid a month so you need not go to work and suffer your problem’’ giving him a reason and an incentive to ignore it.
Is this not in direct confrontation to the very method of ‘cure’ for this condition, based on the account given by the o/p ?

If I had said something along the lines of
‘‘Sorry to hear about you mate, why not join a counselling group where you can all hold hands, show sympathy with each other, and talk about it, instead of getting on with it’’
What ■■■■ good is that going to do him in real terms.?

Finally I make no apologies for the way I was brought up that you appear to have a slight problem with, it has helped me a lot in times of trauma in my own life, to dust myself down and get on with it without being a drama queen.
I was also brought up to help people,…as I do, but ONLY when I see them also trying to help themselves (as the o/p appears to be) but I can not be arsed with people wallowing in self pity.
If that offends anybody, tough ■■■■, I have no control over that,.I can only play with the cards I was dealt. :bulb:

45

robroy:

Freight Dog:

metrorider:
I admire your honesty non the less :wink:

Jeez, I wouldn’t admire that :laughing:. Don’t know why you’re tip toeing around him . Robroys a good un but in this case he’s talking completely out of his harris

He’s bandying all the psychiatric field into those who feel sorry for themselves just because of some 1950s arm chair bollarx. Speaking of being brought up, that generation were still carrying out sub orbital labotomys on kids in the 1960s. An ice pick through the eye and scrambled around the front of the brain. Genius

An arm is off, it’s obvious, a skin graft fails, it’s obvious. A brain goes wrong, it’s latent. The brain is an organ. The most complex. Quite how people struggle to accept this massive oxygen thirsty organ in a skull actually can go wrong is comical in its ignorance.

You wouldnt tell someone with schizophrenia to pull themselves together. Load of nonsense.

And yes I call a spade a spade too

Looks like I’ve ruffled a few feathers here. :smiley:
Firstly I have nothing against this lad nor do I know him.
I fully admitted that I was ignorant of his type of situation, and also admitted that because of that fact, maybe I should not comment.
Being that he put the matter up for discussion, I saw it that it allowed me to comment, and to be fair to him he took it in the spirit that was intended.

My views on people who as you said ‘‘feel sorry for themselves’’ was speaking in the context of the unlikely event of me ever qualifying for a job with The Samaritans :smiley: , not a direct opinion of this guy personally, who is intending to face up to his problem and try for a job.

My focus was more on the UK benefits criteria, as I said you can get benefits for even being a fat lazy self inflicted victim of obesity nowadays, as an example of my point.
You surely can not believe that everybody who claims to have something like for example… bi polar (Oh [zb] I’ve opened up another can of worms here) this appears to be the latest trend to gain benefits.

As an arse cover clause here, can I strrss that I fully understand that there are many GENUINE bi polar sufferers and that they are not by any means all benefit scroungers, but this is the sort of condition which can not be really denied or confirmed 100% apparentlly, by medical people, so the band wagon is jumped on by the workshy.
I know a guy personally who has admitted to a mutual family member that he is feigning it, he has been on benefits for years for many different reasons, and this is his latest scam…fact.
That is what my very limited knowledge of it is based on…I am NOT comparing the o/p with this guy, and to repeat myself not every bi polar sufferer who is genuine.

As for mental illness and methods of treatment practiced in the 60s that you cover, …I have no knowledge, nor admittedlly any interest in any such subject.

My main point was that by the lad’s OWN account and admission he was fully aware that the best course of treatment was to face it head on front it, and try and overcome it.
The benefits system have ultimately said to him ‘‘Here’s a few quid a month so you need not go to work and suffer your problem’’ giving him a reason and an incentive to ignore it.
Is this not in direct confrontation to the very method of ‘cure’ for this condition, based on the account given by the o/p ?

If I had said something along the lines of
‘‘Sorry to hear about you mate, why not join a counselling group where you can all hold hands, show sympathy with each other, and talk about it, instead of getting on with it’’
What [zb] good is that going to do him in real terms.?

Finally I make no apologies for the way I was brought up that you appear to have a slight problem with, it has helped me a lot in times of trauma in my own life, to dust myself down and get on with it without being a drama queen.
I was also brought up to help people,…as I do, but ONLY when I see them also trying to help themselves (as the o/p appears to be) but I can not be arsed with people wallowing in self pity.
If that offends anybody, tough [zb], I have no control over that,.I can only play with the cards I was dealt. :bulb:

It’s the stiff upper lip approach whilst not condemning it, I feel has caused many people to bottle up their feelings and ended with either harming themselves or worse still other people. Just scour the media and frequently we come up against anger/road rage and the consequences it brings. Unfortunately, it’s the pull your socks up and get on with it approach by some that stops others speaking up about mental health as a whole.

As for me, I kind of knew it would decend into a discussion regarding benefits and the workshy, which is why I try not to stoke the fire as it were. I’m just trying to find the best way to deal with my situation and how I can hopefully carve out a living for myself rather than living off of benefits.
:wink:
Thankyou for all the positive comments too. Much appreciated

46

Robroy:
If I had said something along the lines of
''Sorry to hear about you mate, why not join a counselling group where you can all hold hands, show sympathy with each other, and talk about it,p:

I was answering you mentioned you were brought up to say “get on with it”. I was too, yeah, if you’re down on your uppers. Don’t think that would apply if I went wrong in the noggin. Don’t know. Great advice for being down on your luck, useless if turns out you have a personality disorder like psychopathy or something.

It was you who mention people feeling sorry for themselves. I wondered who you meant, so that’s anyone who rings the samaritans then.

Sure, crap loads of malingerers with this or that syndrome, winds me up too. Don’t doubt it. Like sprained elbows. A bit hard to tell as a layman.

Rightly so, that’s your stance and some good points.

To be honest after spending last few posts doing paint by numbers on breaking down English like a one legged man in an arse kicking contest. I’d agree with anything now :laughing:

47

The problem with posts of this nature is that no matter how well meaning the responses are it is an absolute certainty that someone will take umbrage and be offended on behalf of the o/p. The o/p has not expressed any offence so what the hell gives people the right to second guess his feelings?

The o/p posted a question on a public free to all forum and as such will get all manner of different advice and opinions, which is exactly as it should be and as long as the line between well intentioned advice and abuse isn’t crossed it’s not the job of some moral policeman to feign outrage.

In an ideal world the o/p will conquer his demons and live a full, happy and productive life, but as we all know life rarely deals them cards. What I absolutely refuse to do though is to be guilted into pretending to be concerned because to be brutally honest I’m not walking in the o/p’s shoes and until such a time that I am I remain totally ambivalent to the outcome. Harsh? Perhaps, but so is life.

48

the maoster:
?

The o/p posted a question on a public free to all forum and as such will get all manner of different advice and opinions, which is exactly as it should be and as long as the line between well intentioned advice and abuse isn’t crossed it’s not the job of some moral policeman to feign outrage.
.

Take it you’re talking about me. Who’s outraged? Offended?? Leave it out. It’s just discussing points that get raised like any topic. We’re allowed to discuss things aren’t we? Who’s to say you can’t have a different opinion or question? As for Policeman, eh■■? Think what you want, no skin off my rosey nose.

49

Freight Dog:

Robroy:
If I had said something along the lines of
''Sorry to hear about you mate, why not join a counselling group where you can all hold hands, show sympathy with each other, and talk about it,p:

To be honest after spending last few posts doing paint by numbers on breaking down English like a one legged man in an arse kicking contest. I’d agree with anything now :laughing:

Yawn. But thank you for being out there putting the world to rights just the same…

50

update

Well, I’ve been upto Bristol and registered with Driver hire for the weekend work. It’s Saturdays moving stuff between depots for Royal Mail . Glad I’ve made the first move, if nothing else. It seems pretty straight forward so just have to wait for security clearance now.

Doing it this way will enable me to familiarise myself with the truck/taco again etc and hopefully lead me places. I will probably never be able do full time as anxiety can really play havoc with things. However, the goal is there non the less so I can only do my best after all.

51

metrorider:
update

Well, I’ve been upto Bristol and registered with Driver hire for the weekend work. It’s Saturdays moving stuff between depots for Royal Mail . Glad I’ve made the first move, if nothing else. It seems pretty straight forward so just have to wait for security clearance now.

Doing it this way will enable me to familiarise myself with the truck/taco again etc and hopefully lead me places. I will probably never be able do full time as anxiety can really play havoc with things. However, the goal is there non the less so I can only do my best after all.

Hope all goes well for you. Youve made that first move which is a good thing, stick with it and im sure it’ll work out for you…

52

metrorider:
update

Well, I’ve been upto Bristol and registered with Driver hire for the weekend work. It’s Saturdays moving stuff between depots for Royal Mail . Glad I’ve made the first move, if nothing else. It seems pretty straight forward so just have to wait for security clearance now.

Doing it this way will enable me to familiarise myself with the truck/taco again etc and hopefully lead me places. I will probably never be able do full time as anxiety can really play havoc with things. However, the goal is there non the less so I can only do my best after all.

You know what mate? I’m delighted for you.
I sincerely hope things go well, and that you manage to overcome your issues… now that you have confronted them head on. :sunglasses:
I won’t kid myself that it was down to my input, but there you go. :smiley:

By your last post/reply, and despite what you said to me earlier, I did detect you were a bit ■■■■■■ after all with my opinions.
If I could just reiterate (at the risk of being accused by some of back pedalling) I was NOT implying that you personally were either workshy or a scrounger, my problem was with the system, which I felt you were more of a victim of rather than an abuser of, by them allowing, and encouraging you to sit back and ignore the problem, )ie. the opposite of what YOU said was the only cure,… confronting it) while they paid you, that is all.
As I said hope it all goes well mate, and let us know how you get on.
Rob.

53

I mean no disrespect to those who’ve replied to the thread but I can’t be arsed to read the replies so will answer the first post :laughing:

I’m in a similar situation to you - I too have social anxiety (although by the sounds of it not to the same degree as you). Doing agency work stresses the crap out of me if I’m sent to a different place each day. I tend to just go about my job in a ‘scripted’ manner, keeping everything the same. I pick up my keys, get my pallets on and ■■■■ off out of the depot as quickly as possible - everything I say is more or less what I say everywhere else. Warehouse staff don’t care if you don’t hang around for a natter, they want you to sod off as well :L

You can either challenge your fears (as I did when I became a cabbie), or live comfortably and find yourself a nice trunking route.

You have my sympathies, I understand how stressful it can be, but just remember that your cab is your personal space, and that this job beats the ■■■■ out of sitting behind a bloody computer all day.

54

metrorider:
update

Well, I’ve been upto Bristol and registered with Driver hire for the weekend work. It’s Saturdays moving stuff between depots for Royal Mail . Glad I’ve made the first move, if nothing else. It seems pretty straight forward so just have to wait for security clearance now.

Doing it this way will enable me to familiarise myself with the truck/taco again etc and hopefully lead me places. I will probably never be able do full time as anxiety can really play havoc with things. However, the goal is there non the less so I can only do my best after all.

Good for you :sunglasses:
I have no tolerance for most humans, other than my few loyal fellow bikers.
I do not have a recognised personality disorder, just no tolerance for people who are dramatic, soft, liars, jobsworths, grasses, lazy, duplicitous…Unfortunately there are many of these type out there and it is apparently frowned upon, to attempt to cleanse these from society :laughing:

I have to take breaks from driving and it is taking me some time to find out what is the trigger, I know it is my problem…I vowed it was my last day driving 3 weeks ago, however, I am doing a day on Friday, the people I drive for understand me and know which customers not to send me to…And I hate that, as I used to do absolutely everything with no issues, but as I get older and all the legislation and rules become more and more, I no longer really want to be here.

55

Another update

56

I’ve applied for a part time weekend Ocado driver at Avonmouth and have an interview on Monday.

57

Oh…well done
All the best

58

Fully agree with robroy.

I have a genuine physical condition, but no one cares. Doctors say they can’t help, I couldn’t get benefits even if I wanted to. I spent 6 months off work after a major operation to try and help, which failed didn’t get a penny apart from standard sick pay.
I’ve spent 20 odd years battling with it, passed from pillar to post, various doctors, specialists, bat crazy holistic people, but like I said, in the end no one cares now. They did the op, it didn’t work, thanks and goodbye.
So all I can do is crack on. Yes most days I finish work, get home and cry and scream in pain as I bottle it all up. Often once I sit down At home I’m physically unable to get up again.
The customers at work will never see me struggle. I refuse to let them see that I’m weak.

Sometimes you get handed a crap card in life, it’s up to you to crack on. Sitting around moping gets you nowhere. Sounds harsh I know, and again I don’t know your condition, but it does make me a little angry that people like myself get no help whatsoever and someone with what seems like an imaginary condition (I’m not saying it is, I’m sure it’s very real to you, but there is no outward signs to others and how can you prove you have it?) gets money handed to them on a plate.

It’s admirable that you are making the choice to get back out there, I salute you for it, but there are people out there in far worse states, physically and mentally than you and they deal with it and get on with it.

59

Williams9881:
I have the exact same issues that you have. Best thing is to stay positive. I sometimes struggle to stand in line at a shop because I don’t know where to hide my face.

It is horrible I’ve had this crap since leaving the army for some reason.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Bloody hell fella. Just HOW ugly are you? :open_mouth:

Can’t keep going around hiding your grid. (Just out of curiosity, are you ’ Elephant Man ’ ugly or just bog standard ugly?).

60

109LWB:
Fully agree with robroy.

I have a genuine physical condition, but no one cares. Doctors say they can’t help, I couldn’t get benefits even if I wanted to. I spent 6 months off work after a major operation to try and help, which failed didn’t get a penny apart from standard sick pay.
I’ve spent 20 odd years battling with it, passed from pillar to post, various doctors, specialists, bat crazy holistic people, but like I said, in the end no one cares now. They did the op, it didn’t work, thanks and goodbye.
So all I can do is crack on. Yes most days I finish work, get home and cry and scream in pain as I bottle it all up. Often once I sit down At home I’m physically unable to get up again.
The customers at work will never see me struggle. I refuse to let them see that I’m weak.

Sometimes you get handed a crap card in life, it’s up to you to crack on. Sitting around moping gets you nowhere. Sounds harsh I know, and again I don’t know your condition, but it does make me a little angry that people like myself get no help whatsoever and someone with what seems like an imaginary condition (I’m not saying it is, I’m sure it’s very real to you, but there is no outward signs to others and how can you prove you have it?) gets money handed to them on a plate.

It’s admirable that you are making the choice to get back out there, I salute you for it, but there are people out there in far worse states, physically and mentally than you and they deal with it and get on with it.

Well, I’m sorry you feel that way. I don’t make the rules so let’s get that straight. As for assuming you know what I’ve been through and there are others far worse than me. You don’t know anything about me.
I do not ‘mope’ and feel sorry for myself. I have volunteered for the last two years to help me stay sane whilst I dealt with my ‘imaginary illness’

This is more having a pop at me because the state has failed you. I’m under no illusions it’s hard for you. However, that’s not my fault. As for the benefits system I think you ought to stop reading the headlines.