Probably not the sort of thing you’re used too, but I wrote this for another reason and thought I’d post it here too 
Criticise me at the end please 
It was a dry night, clear skies here in Coventry at dark o’clock this morning. Little wind, and the yard was floodlit and, if you discount the throbbing electric coolers nearby, silent as much as it was going to be.
Unhooked the electrical fridge power, plugged the gizmo’s into the cab and as it was the only beast in the yard, had no problem in manoeuvring the Mercedes 18 tonner out onto the road.
Locked it up, and the went back to secure the yard as I had been shown, and then left it in peace. Back in the lorry eased away quietly as there were 3 other wagons parked up, curtains drawn. The fridge is not the most quiet so pressed the button for the fridge engine to ‘auto-start’ and wended my merry way out to the M6. It was quiet on the roads, it wasn’t even a car I met first off but a group on two bikes and two electric wheel chairs as they crossed the road at one point haphazardly. There was a 24 hour shop nearby, but by their actions and inability to care much about their safety I would say they were rather sozzled.
Stuck to regulation speeds until the motorway where I got it up into top gear and prodded the cruise control until we had reached cruising speed. Which for me is 55mph!
Angled south, mostly lorries on the road, a few rigids but a lot of artics, pretty well spaced out and intermingled with a few cars racing past at light speed, well, clearly more than my 55mph.
Spent about 5 miles on the M42 passing a van with a badly loaded trailer. If it had been 4 lanes I would have been as far away as possible but had to pass in the next lane and he struggled to maintain a straight path, so I kept as far to the right as I could. After passing him I figured I needed to start on the nibbles and to think of other things. I already had some rave music that could be heard over the engine and at 2 hours per track meant I could be at the target before the next track.
I only had one this time, mostly as I hadn’t cut it back at the top when I’d done it earlier and whilst eating the lower end of the carrot was quite easy I had to knaw at the top end and crack it open before I could get my teeth around it. It would not be good for me to lock up my jaw around a carrot, I had schedules to keep you know!
The gantry signs gave me the bad news and a few prods of the trusty satnav revealed I could take another road in as the slip I wanted was closed, and before too long I was in the roadworks, and then there was my slip, carefully hidden with disguised signs. Or they just fell over in the rain.
Dropped my speed back down to 30, and used the limiter on the stalk of the steering wheel to get me there because after a time on the motorway even 30mph seems to be dawdling, and I liked my clean licence. Mr SatNav directed me nicely and yet still kept trying to put me on to a main road, as if this trunk road was not one. Motorway was better than a dual carriageway. Curse and ignore it, follow the signs for the city. Passed an airfield, unexpectedly. I assume it was an airfield, as aircraft taxing in Asda carpark would probably have security screaming adabs at them!
Onwards, and oh, there was clear sky behind me. Lighter shade of blue, with a few glowy things but only cloud ahead, so pressed on. As it got lighter the blue felt a lot nicer and I was quite enjoying driving through these streets. They had white street lights, which was rare but also looked quite nice, well, the main overheads were out but I guess that was for saving money.
Somewhere on Gloucester Road my SN was telling me there was an RTC and to avoid the problem, but I thought I’d get a bit closer to assess it. It has been known to lie to me in the past, probably just to test my patience, but when I got there I found a car with it’s front end missing and a police car showing off all of it’s new LED blue lights. I got close and soon found out the road was about to be closed but I could get through, and so they pulled their car forwards as we both laughingly agreed the paperwork would be annoying at this time in the morning. Poor mite clearly forgot his ‘runlock’ was running and got in, went to move it forwards and it stalled, so he had to fish around for the keys.
On my way again, then a left turn down a hill road, low gear, lower revs and retarder to keep it easy. A lovely view stretched away from me from Ashley Down Road, and if I had had a camera I might have stopped, but I could even see my drop ahead now, well, the glowing industrial estate where I would find someone to help me remove this meat from me legally!
I was early for my 0430 booking in time and thankfully there were people there already. Grabbed the paperwork and HiVis and wondered over, instilled my knowledge about the road closure on the A38 and described where it was, then was directed to the other bay. Reversing up was a doddle, then up into the back and… could I shift that pallet? Surely I wasn’t a wimp overnight! No, the plastic packaging had stuck a little and the loadbed was tilting forwards, so hopped out and pulled it forwards off the ramp on the advice of the forkie before actually doing sometime with the suspension this time, airing out the rear bags to drop the wheel right inside the mudguard. This time I could actually move the pallets!
So tugged them two around to the door and they were whipped off and the customer signed the paperwork. Wasn’t long to pack up and having fired up the engine set the suspension on auto and after a moment or so was clear to proceed, so did so.
The road to the M32 was quiet, crossed that and up a hill next to a park, the grass seemingly to shimmer white and there was a thin layer of fog about a foot off the ground. Possible cemetery the other side of the road too and plenty of old nice looking buildings, whilst still maintaining professional driving behaviour. Which at 30mph was pretty easy with bugger all traffic around! Took a narrow road under a tall bridge and headed for the industrial estate on the hill.
Upon arriving I was accosted by a Polish truck driver with an Irish right hand wagon, which was odd at least, the Irish usually have left hand drive lorries but no bother. We agreed on the title of the business we were delivering too and I think he got the idea I’d go and find and report back. Being only 0440 at this stage he seemed a tad stressed, probably because he couldn’t find the place and to be honest, if I was doing it in an artic and was miles from home I might be, but we weren’t far away it seems, like next door. I parked up and walked back to him, and thus discovering his wagon was a right hand drive, as he was sitting on that side. I explained where it was, and he seemed to get what I was saying but the only polish word I remember from my bus driving days was something that referred to an anatomical part and a cat at the same time, of which I thought wouldn’t help.
So I pointed where I thought he should reverse, and he did, and I stood in a spot where I could see his mirrors and the back of his lorry and where it was going, a blind-side reverse and signalled him back, and then had to move mine into the carpark and when he saw it he smiled and was happy. Getting him in took another 5 minutes, clearly he knew what he was doing with reversing, and as we had a bit of time before they opened, he put the kettle on and I bribed him with a ■■■■■ that had glared at me from the MSA this morning when I picked up my Truck magazine! It only had 2 in the packet and I was going to savour the jam when I was low on energy later. But I offered him one, and he in turn offered me a coffee. Ooh, hot Nescafe, a tad of milk and one sugar. Excellent!
Customer turned up, opened the place and seeing me handed over a carrier bag of cash. Oh dear. I’d forgotton this was a ‘cash on delivery’. So emptied the mug down my gullet, returned it to the other driver who swilled it out with hot water and I went inside with the carrier bag to count out the supposedly £3000.
When the management had explained their procedures yesterday I thought it was because they were being careful with an agency driver. But no, it wasn’t. I found this when I reached £2910 and panicked. So I recounted. Piles of 100’s in mixed 5s, 10s and 20s. I should have realised something was wrong as £2000 of it was banded marked as £1000 but when counted it was less. The customer said it was because I had returns (no paperwork) and it was agreed (not) and he had no money to make it up so I got him to come over and verify it, then we stuck it in the money bag and we both signed, printed names, dated and timed the thing and that went safely into the cab. Then I set about taking off the two pallets for him and he handed over two boxes of ‘something’. I have no idea what sort of meat but I didn’t think meat was supposed to be green, so didn’t even want to ask about it.
Drop done, out onto the main road and rang the emergency number. I felt it was an emergency, you know, paid too little, returns not authorised and all that lot. Debated which of the numbers to ring but settled on the top mobile number, as leaving a message meant I wouldn’t get criticised or anything, then got on. The sun was truly up now, and I slipped on my shades as I slid out of the urban sprawl of Bristol and onto the M32. Bright blue sky, strong sunlight and I’d had a coffee. M32 and the M5 were Ok this morning, not yet 0530 and an hour later I stopped for a break off the A48, or A40 or something. The sun was in the side of my face all the way up the M5, and I had no side blind. I do like the sun, but this way was almost painful, so I exercised my thighs and lower back as I flexed myself around to use the mirrors to shield the sun from my eyes.
When I stopped for my break, there was still hardly any traffic. 15 minutes later when I opened my eyes it was quite busy, but so be it. I needed the rest, struggling to stay awake but it is surprising how much good 15 minutes will do! Onwards. Abattoir next, and missed it the first time. The second time another wagon was there and after verifying I did have the right place as it had no outside labels at all, I flitted around to get the truck in the best place to unload. Interestingly complicated but I managed it and these pallets took longer to get off as I wasn’t first in the queue.
Gone 7.30 before I rejoined the traffic, and they showed they did stupid things to get past me even though I was being helpful where I could, like keeping in to the kerb if they wanted to pass and not speeding up immediately in the dual carriageway section. Not to worry, patience and use of indicators.
Next drop was a pain. Bromsgrove but south of a low bridge, so not easy to get to. But I managed, and then that was my last pallet. I took the back roads out that even felt a little narrow for me. 2” on the nearside and still had cars trying to edge through in the space you’d struggle to squeeze a horse through. I did actually meet a horse too, they stared at me warily, single track road but wide enough for them to pass so switched the engine off and the fridge, and the lights and just waited. The car behind tried to pass but whatever I could have done would have been unhelpful, and the woman thanked me with a smile when she went past, which was nice. Met a few boy-racers on that lane too, but to be expected. Clearly by their attitudes and skids, some of them almost dropping into ditches they didn’t expect to meet me. Had to reverse at one point for a another wagon to reverse out of a gateway and even I thought that was a little tight, but then it was on to Redditch, and then up to Brum. This took simply ages, roadwork’s and unfamiliar roads coupled with, I knew where I wanted to get too and I knew the roadwork’s were really bad on the A45 and there were a few times when I made a bit of a boo-boo but we soon got around them. Picked up the cheque which I had forgotten the day before on back to base.
Just shy of 12 hours, and had to park the lorry outside as the fuel tanker had arrived to top off the yards’ diesel tank. Homewards.
Yorkshire tomorrow, Sheffield, Leeds and, er, Leicester I have checked the weather and think I’ll survive it
