Hello all. Here’s a little ditty.
Get a job off the agency, told it’s “high value goods for (supermarket)” huh okay sounds interesting. Told I’ll hop in a van to get there then pick up the rigid.
So I get to the office. Get given a fuel card, use the toilet real quick and then get a lift in a van to the place, a big ■■■ depot (well it looked big to me, I don’t know it could be tiny to some of you).
20 minutes to trying to explain who I am and what I’m there to do later I’ve got the keys. And can’t find the bloody thing. It’s only a guy stopping me on my second time past me that got me in the right direction. “It says bay 171, so it’ll either be still on the bay or opposite” 
.
Get to it, collar a shunter to get the keys out of the wall (can’t do it ourselves because apparently “we’re as thick as ■■■■■■ (in the bloke that helped me’s words)). So I do my checks, and spend 15 minutes trying to figure out the taillift (push down, lift a little lever, then it comes up on it’s own. Moral? Always read the destructions). Get everything good, then go get a code to get out.
Lurch it down the road because it feels like hunting for gears in a bag of marshmallows. (Straight 6 btw)
Eventually get going, after possibly sneaking into a 7.5t weight limit, then getting lost again. Then getting stuck in rush hour traffic. Bloody GPS! Finally get to where I’ve got to be (dark by now). Whoops there it is, round the top of the town, forget I’m in a big ■■■ truck (big if you’re only used to cars) and nearly crash into everything in sight (and get stared at by an old bloke with his jaw open. No idea why I got it through just fine). Pull up to the place, a can’t get back out (too close to bus and cars). Find the bloke and ask him to stop the traffic so I can reverse onto the tiniest car park in the world. And now I can’t find reverse… 
EVENTUALLY get it on the car park, and back into a bollard “I was telling you to stop” I can’t see a frigging thing mate. Pull forward, try the tail lift. Balls. Turns out that’s what the switch with the little red light on it is for. “Can you drop the suspension?” I can do that? Huh so I can. Done.
Everything off. Strap up. Hop back up and give my uncle a quick ring for some advice. STOP LOW OIL. YELLOW SPANNER.
■■■■■■■■. He looks up where the dipstick is. Under the cab. ■■■■■■■■. Several phone calls and an hour and a bit later, repair man comes. Some more oil, check of the dipstick. All good but electronic oil level is still off. Being on a slope probably doesn’t help. Trying to steal heat from his van when he asks “Why didn’t you put the night heater on?” 
So on my merry way. No way can I reach drop 2. So I eventually get to the fuel station (hardly a station but still) at 2 in the morning. GPS eventually picks an 18 tonner friendly route. They to get back to the depot. Everywhere you go there’s a diversion. Awful. Get lost in the depot and have to back it between a ton of units. Eventually get it on the bay. Plug phone in to call for a lift (didn’t realise it had died). Missed calls. Figure out a guy picking up a serviced unit will give me a lift, leaving the guy taking the truck I was just in, out, can keep the van there for the end of his shift. So I’m waiting in the pouring down rain. Call the office, Am I at the right entrance? “No.” Find my lift at the end of the thing, by the in gates. Shunter (my knight in shining armour (his words) who told me where to leave the truck (more like knight in dirty hi viz). Pulls up next to me “Are you f-ing lost?” I’m getting my lift.
Much faffing about with gates and codes later, we’re on our way. Nice chat with the guy, get in the office. “Where’s your mileages?” ■■■■. Sorry.
Then back in the car. 4am. Considering this is when I usually leave the house to go to work, I think I’m doing quite well being still awake and all that jazz.
4:30 get home. Missus has left me a snack. Watch some ■■■■ TV then to bed to fall asleep for 3.5 hours and annoyingly get up to early to do it all again this afternoon. Oh well.
It’s still the best money I’ve ever earned.
