from time to time you hear a story off a driver , but as soon as he starts it you realise that you have heard it before, or its a variation of a theme.
but according to them “its the gods honest truth”
heres my favorites.(1 in 10 drivers have done this )
they have been into london and are unable to turn a corner because of a parked car (usually a roller or merc, and never a banger), within seconds a policeman turns up (as if) and marshalls them through the space (which is to small)
and lots of damage is caused to the offending vehicle. the policeman then waves you on your merry way, saying they should not have parked there in the first place and it serves them right.
(now i have no doubt that at some time this has happended to some drivers, but the amount of times i have heard this leads me to believe that london is one big scrap yard)
have not heard this in a while but i have heard this plenty in my time.
its the one about a thick driver who breaks down in the middle of nowhere.
he phones the office to arrange recovery, but when asked "where are you "
he replies “i dont know”.
the office tell him to go for a walk and look for some signs etc, then phone back.
a shortwhile later the thick driver phones the office back and tells them that he does not know what road he is on but that he is 1/2 a mile away from a place called laybee.
the office chap gets the atlas out but cannot find the place but the driver insists he is right.
"spell it " asks the chap in the office.
"L A Y B Y " says the driver
the old ones are the best, what are your favorites.
I have a slightly different theme to the car parked on the corner routine!
This happened to me in Wakefield at just after 9am and within seconds of me coming to a stand on the corner I had brought the city centre to a complete halt. Whilst waiting for the obliging policeman to turn up and order me to destroy the car concerned a chap walked up to the car with keys in hand and asked me if I wanted it moving. I said something like “what do you think”. Anyway it kicked off and I gave him the biggest rollocking I could manage, a real frustration venter. When I’d finished he just said “It’s not my car but I was going to go into the bank for you and find out who’s it was”
on a similiar theme try this…an agency driver at Tesco Crick is given a split run 1st drop Kings Lynn 2nd drop Yarmouth…any way he hasnt arrived at his second drop so the office say to store manager give him a bit more time agency driver etc etc now 3 hrs late everyones worried as to where he his but lo and behold he rings Crick to say he has a problem. He’s broken down in Southampton …WHY?
hitch:
on a similiar theme try this…an agency driver at Tesco Crick is given a split run 1st drop Kings Lynn 2nd drop Yarmouth…any way he hasnt arrived at his second drop so the office say to store manager give him a bit more time agency driver etc etc now 3 hrs late everyones worried as to where he his but lo and behold he rings Crick to say he has a problem. He’s broken down in Southampton …WHY?
Ha ha!
My dad once bought a train ticket from London to Yarmouth and the guy sold him one that involved going via a ferry, instead of via Norwich.
hitch:
on a similiar theme try this…an agency driver at Tesco Crick is given a split run 1st drop Kings Lynn 2nd drop Yarmouth…any way he hasnt arrived at his second drop so the office say to store manager give him a bit more time agency driver etc etc now 3 hrs late everyones worried as to where he his but lo and behold he rings Crick to say he has a problem. He’s broken down in Southampton …WHY?
Think there is a Yarmouth (not Great Yarmouth) on the Isle of White
Then there is the one about the French(allegedly) Truck driver who went to St Ives in Cornwall, to find out he should have been at St Ives Cambridgeshire.
theres the one about the irish driver in jabbeke (notoriously bad for illegals getting into trl) walking back towards a motor, hes approached by a dodgy looking bloke who asks him if he`s willing to take some across for a grand, “yes no problem” says mr irishman, “put them in here” the back of a fridge. dodgy bloke then drives off… and so does mr irishman… in the motor next to the fridge
or the one about the irishman (why is it always an irishman? ) being clamped…
■■■■■■■■ to that says the irishman… lifting the CLAMPED MIDLIFT AXLE and driving off with a yellow clamp
or the one about the “peruvian”… irishman really but its getting boring…
breaking the weighbridge at dover with 25 ton of plate steel under a load of hanging beef
The French manager told me I was tipping Brentwood, The reload was from Hemel Hempstead.
Anyway I wasnt sure,but the UK driver who had loaded the trailer had written Burntwood, I trusted Chris more than our boss and went to Burntwood Staffs.
I was correct, for once and they even said I had saved them money. My reload was collected by a truck tipping near Watford
I have often written directions for our drivers, with things like Direction Heathrow, The North etc.
Its the way our roads are signposted, it confuses most foreign drivers
Due to the type of work I do there is more of a possibilty of making a mistake.
We had a 55 tonne STGO cat 2 unit go from Manchester to Norwich. Driver took most the night getting there… Spent 2 hours driving around looking for the address, before contacting the office…
Whereupon he was informed he had to goto Northwich. Needless to say he wasn’t best pleased. Returned home. Next day Manager came down to bawl him out, so the driver showed the paperwork, and the manager left rather red faced!
I’ve had addresses in the past “3rd gateway after junction of A123 and B456, Carmarthenshire”
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