How do you tell the difference between an English Police
Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer
and a Scottish Police Officer?
QUESTION: You’re on duty by yourself (don’t ask why, you just
are, and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at
night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the
corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and
lunges at you.
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it.
However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.
What do you do ?
ANSWER:
English Police Officer:
Firstly, the Officer must consider the man’s human rights.
-
Does the man look poor or oppressed ?
-
Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet
understand the law ? -
Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger ?
-
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to
attack ? -
Am I dressed provocatively ?
-
Could I run away ?
-
Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out
of his hand ?
Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his
wrong-doings ?
-
Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of
message does this send to society ? -
Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content
just to wound me ? -
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still
want to stab and kill me ? -
If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I
get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself ? -
If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he
have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the
loss of my family home ?
Canadian Police Officer:
BANG !
American Police Officer:
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
BANG !
BANG ! BANG !
‘Click’…Reload…
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
BANG !
BANG ! BANG !
Scottish Police Officer:
“Haw, Jimmie… Drop the knife, noo, unless you want it stuck
up yer a*se!”