Open Letter for our illustrious Prime Minister :-)

OUT OF HOURS BULLY'S TRUCKSTOP BAR (INTERACTIVE)
1

Dear Mr Cameron,
Please find below our suggestion for fixing England 's economy.
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan…
You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.
Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

  1. They MUST retire.
    Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed
  2. They MUST buy a new British car.
    Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed
  3. They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
    Housing Crisis fixed
  4. They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -
    Crime rate fixed
  5. They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week …
    and there’s your money back in duty/tax etc.
  6. Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters,
    tell the greedy ■■■■■■■■ to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.
    It can’t get any easier than that!
    P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances
    If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.
    If not, please disregard.
    Grumpies of the World Unite
    Also…
    Let’s put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.
    This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
    They’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc. and they’d receive money instead of paying it out.
    They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
    Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
    A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
    They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
    They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
    Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P.J’s and legal aid would be free, on request.
    Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
    Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
    There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8p.m., and showers once a week.
Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.
Think about this (more points of contention):

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow,
born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of ■■■■■■■■
And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq … Why don’t we just give them ours?
It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we’re not using it anymore.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’, ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ and ‘Thou Shall Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians
… It creates a hostile work environment.

Also;
Think about this … If you don’t want to forward this for fear of offending someone – YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up!

2

The Sarge:
Dear Mr Cameron,
Please find below our suggestion for fixing Great Britains’ economy.
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan…
You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.
Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

  1. They MUST retire.
    Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed
  2. They MUST buy a new British car.
    Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed
  3. They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
    Housing Crisis fixed
  4. They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -
    Crime rate fixed
  5. They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week …
    and there’s your money back in duty/tax etc.
  6. Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters,
    tell the greedy [zb] to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.
    It can’t get any easier than that!
    P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances
    If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.
    If not, please disregard.
    Grumpies of the World Unite
    Also…
    Let’s put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.
    This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
    They’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc. and they’d receive money instead of paying it out.
    They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
    Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
    A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
    They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
    They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
    Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P.J’s and legal aid would be free, on request.
    Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
    Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
    There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8p.m., and showers once a week.
Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.
Think about this (more points of contention):

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow,
born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of ■■■■■■■■
And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq … Why don’t we just give them ours?
It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we’re not using it anymore.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’, ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ and ‘Thou Shall Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians
… It creates a hostile work environment.

Also;
Think about this … If you don’t want to forward this for fear of offending someone – YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!
It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up!

Fixed that for ya! And you a Taff…otherwise, right on brother! Or comrade as the case may be… :unamused:

3

Dayum! I hadn’t even noticed that :open_mouth: Cheers :slight_smile:

4

That’s an awful lot of money BTW! :grimacing:

But I like your thinking! I’d be eligible for that now… :wink:

5

44 Tonne Ton:
That’s an awful lot of money BTW! :grimacing:

But I like your thinking! I’d be eligible for that now… :wink:

But how much has been spent on bailing out the banks? Probably about the same. I suggested to Mr Gordon Brown paying off everybody’s mortgage on their residence, if they only owned one property, when he was PM. Would have had much the same effect - banks would get an influx of cash, there would be more disposable income to raise retail sales, the housing market would open up - lots of things, but he never replied. Perhaps I shouldn’t have used red pen on toilet roll :smiling_imp:

6

The Sarge:

44 Tonne Ton:
That’s an awful lot of money BTW! :grimacing:

But I like your thinking! I’d be eligible for that now… :wink:

But how much has been spent on bailing out the banks? Probably about the same. I suggested to Mr Gordon Brown paying off everybody’s mortgage on their residence, if they only owned one property, when he was PM. Would have had much the same effect - banks would get an influx of cash, there would be more disposable income to raise retail sales, the housing market would open up - lots of things, but he never replied. Perhaps I shouldn’t have used red pen on toilet roll :smiling_imp:

Vast sums indeed! I’m afraid it’s a bit of the old school tie bollox there though!