Hello,
First post, been reading and mooching about the site for a while to get a feel for the place…as will become apparent i can have a sarcastic tone, please, take it all with a pinch of salt, as those that do know me will tell you, im a bit of a laugh and would help anyone, oh and any post i write, again, read it light heartedly, its not the bible for crying out loud and while im at it FYI, im dyslexic, no spellcheck on earth can save me, so forgive any typo
So who is this “Gel” mush writing all “War and peace” in his first post…
ok well, im Gel (apparently, the “Christening” was fun!!)
Ive done the rounds for 30 yrs with 25 of those on international work and i consider my self a fairi’sh driver, though some peer,s have a different opinion 
Those that know me know i talk straight and do not suffer an idiot lightly. I dont judge those that know better or think they know better and I openly admit to having run “Bent” in times of yor, (If you ever worked for a loopy Irishman called “Bobby” in the 80/90,s and you would know what i mean but thats a story for another day) and if we are all honest and not saving face, we all have in one form or another, ran bent… they are called infringements, there aint a driver out there that aint had 1 or 10 of them in their time i know and dont say you aint cos if you do, i will openly call you a liar! infringments are breaks of law that are legally picked up and bought to your attention by your employer/ministry…
I drive (what seems to be called on here) a “Shinny Boy” truck, Merc GigaSpace “StyleLine” 2551 with all the bells and whistles.
oh…
BTW? “Shinny boy” im affraid im lost on that one fellas, is that the way mere jealous drivel/lazy arsed, yes boss, no boss, ill lick your dangles, call a 8 hour day "Hard"and jump to HSE wanna be “screwdrivers” who drive fleet spec think of us? is that the way you refer to “US”, to those that have (in my case at least) done more than fair share of graft over 30 years and end up to get to work for a good company that respects their staff and supplies them with a vehicle of their choice (yes i get asked what i would like to drive and what spec and currently have to make up my mind on what to replace said 2551… more on that in a bit), or is it because that we of the “shinny brigade” are passionate about our kit and live, eat and sleep in what is to all intense and purpose, our homes 6 days a week and therefore care and keep them as we would like our own house to be kept?
Just asking, so dont shot me 
Sorry i digress…Movin on… 
I have driven some total scrap, (how would you fancy a run down to Milan in a “82” DAF 2500 day cab with a tandem fridge (ex Transfleet) filled with an “Irish” 23 tonne of hanging meat? No?, i have, Twice!) but ive also been paid to go to places that others would die for and pay thousands to go too, ive seen stuff that would make your toes curl, seen most, mind, not all, as its still a learning curve, types of driving and i have lost good friends to a profession they, as i do, cared deeply about.
i have seen an industry that has made a rod for its own back turn into a moaning entity that still, to this day, they cant see the woods for the trees they themselves have planted and that most still firms still treat its staff like something they trod in at a dogs home, ive worked for the good, the bad and the indifferent and yet… i still ply my trade to the tune of 3000/3500kms a week, week in, week out doing the only job ive ever cared about…
You see, they/you can spin the name, make up weird and wonderful names, honestly, i once saw an advert for a “Directional input attendant”!!! Me personally, i can read a map, i can rope and sheet, i can split a tilt down, load a moxi, chain down a 60 tonne excavator, split a dolly boggie, im even capable of opening a curtain of a taut-liner…it dosnt matter, all of us, i/we have skills, i/we have been taught and can probably teach, however, we/i can and do make mistakes and thats true of anyone BUT we are “Lorry drivers”, nothing more, nothing less…
Some of you will know me/some not, some shared a coffee or tea with me, some may have seen me up and down the length/breadth of our road/motorway network, and if you have, then to you i say and give the big “Flash Flash” and a big ol thumbs up from behind the “fugly as sin” curtain…but most wont know me because you like me, pass like ships in the night and even if we do pass and see one another, you to me, like i to you, are just another driver doing the do, i may not know you as we pass but i have nothing but total respect you for what you do.
So… the “The Velcro/cruise control” bit, the reason/headline for my first ever post…
Just back from being shown the new Scania, in the flesh no less, impressive it is too!! its no “Looker” but enough on here already with variuos opinions bannded about and i could blat on about that for ages but wont…Trucks are after all subjective things… however, Im about to get a new lorry so spending the next few weekends going to various dealers… oh for 89 500 Streamline… im off again…sorry, anyway…
You see the one thing that surprised me was the “Options” you can have fitted to truck these days, ACC,PTC, etc, “Velcro boots” being one of them, the other the “OOC” On Only Cruise control…“OOC”, Snappy eh? you see i thought these options were new, but no, there not, apparently, trucks have had these very things available for years! let me explain…
Picture this…
There you are, driving down the motorway (pick one), you are closing in a lorry (to you drivers under 12, thats a LGV, did i mention the fact i can be sarci) and so you now check your mirrors, clear, indicate, move into the middle lane (under 12s, thats lane 2) and proceed to start the “over take”…for the next 10 miles!!! Hmmm, you say “10 miles”!? oh yes cos what i failed to mention was that, while you were catching up said lorry (LGV) you were empty and the other was moderately loaded and you were going up an incline… your past that now and “on the flat”… so what to be done, you see, the lorry being “overtaken” the driver has his option of “Velcro” boot and or he has engaged “On only” cruise control… See, i told you, been fitted for years, your there now, i can see you thinking it, you have been in just that situation! So what we have now, in this situation, is a 3 carriageway motorway now been turned into a single lane… So, for the next “insert own time frame” “X” minutes/hour you carry on slowly and inexiribly passing said lorry (LGV) because you are “Faster” only just, only by a micro nats ■■■■ of a mile an hour but you are faster (ive been there trust me, ive seen beards grow in the time its taken to pass some lorries), the driver being over taken knows it, you know it but will the slower lorry yield…nah! he has those boots, or he has the “on only” cruise but infact, i think its niether, its total stupidity or arrogance or both, i dunno, but my best guess, its funny to him, he is loving every effin seccond! problem now is, for the “Faster” driver, every car and his dog thinks, you are the woman’s anatomy, they have no clue, no idea that your max, they see a lorry, a lorry that’s, in their eyes, sat in the middle lane, taking the urin…all the while, your man in the slower lorry knows this and is still laughing his bolloxs off, you conversely are now getting revved up…miles passs and your all annoyed…more miles… your thinking of doing something you shouldn’t… STOP!!! i have got a cure for this situation i have…read on…
oh, as a bye…
To the driver (past or future) of this slow/slower lorry/lorry,s, you my old fruit, if you pull a stunt like above, you are a ■■■■ of the highest order! The LAW states quite infaticly “When being overtaken by a faster vehicle you should SLOW DOWN and allow the faster vehicle to pass” that’s in the highway code that is. Any sane “professional” driver would back off!
Oh yeah, “The Cure”, the cure dear faster trucker… Take breath, back off and use your superior fitted option in your lorry, the “Adjustable cruise control” spark up a L&B, check out the scenery, do whatever, sit back, enjoy a word game from the sign writting now facing you, do whatever and you can because you are safe in the knowledge that… “A”, every car driver this side of “Katmandu” is NOT thinking your a “woman’s anatomy” for blocking the road and “B”, sooner or later, something magical will happen… he will turn off and or, as is more likely, come upon an incline… Just thought of a “C” you could still back off and then follow said driver and vent you anger at him for being a ■■■■, but you wont… or would you? You see, I was once taught something, stayed with me for years this has…
“Thing is Gel, Rome aint going anywhere, be there today, be there tomorrow, and even if you get there five days late, guess what, Rome aint going anywhere”… I think you get the idea?
We all have trucks that are limited, some are more so than others and if you are in one that’s even half a mile an hour slower than another, then think about it, that truck that’s about pass you, he caught you up for a reason… he is bloody quicker than you!! let him past, give him flash (or not if that optional extra is not fitted to your truck, not a lot of lorry’s do these days apparently? mind you, apparently, they, new drivers, are taught NOT to “instruct” another drivers actions these days…What bolloxs that is ive no idea?, HSE i expect but hey!!, who needs road sense or Manners much better to have the front of your truck wiped out by said new driver cos he has no bloody idea how long he is!) and leave him to get to his “Rome” while you go to yours… after all, whats the chances he will be if front of you at your tip? (oh, ok, yeah i know he might be if he is from the same company even i have worked that out, im old, not stupid).
So there you are, a “Real drivers” solution to a “Simple drivers” problem…
Next week… “Cab internet ■■■■” just how bouncy can it get?
Drive steady and Cheero.
Gel.
enjoy pal.