A children’s book about birth.
I wanna type out my experience today just for posterity. I managed to swing home to get some pictures taken too :L.
Wake up. 7:30. Look at phone. Text. Got a 7.5t job are you available? Sure as. Call him up while getting dressed, get booked in. Go downstairs, grab an eat, call up to find out what time I need to be there “I’ll just find out.” Get called back “Err. Now.”. Alrighty love I’ll just drink me coffee (girlfriend put it in a thermo mug for me 
). Drive to the estate, searching for the bloody place (a precedent for the day actually). End up having to call (I shoulda known how the day would go). Paper work, 8 drops (I was sure she said 7. Better than the 30 packages I was told by the bloke from the agency). Go do your checks while we wait for the forkie to come in.
So I went out. Couldn’t open the door. Two bloody keys! (mental) Got it started up (manual, gulp). Desperately searching for a dipstick (I still have no idea if it has any oil in (apart from the fact it didn’t blow up)). Tires. Load space. Blah.
Get it in. Trying to taillift (fold in the middle sort), "It won’t unfold. Forkie is trying to push the pallets in for me so I can get the pump truck in (no idea how I’ll get them off without the tail lift). So have another much about, suddenly, inspiration strikes. I grab it, pull it. WHUMF. Taillift. Get in.
“Where’s the straps?” Get some. Get back in the back. Hook it in, unravel, get to the other end. ■■■■ I forgot the ratchets. Walk of shame back across the floor. 
So off we go I guess. Sat nav on. Post code in. Lets do this. Get up to the M6 (traffic all down the Black Country Route. Trying my best not to stall the ■■■■■■■ thing. Almost failed (later I did managed to stall it. In front of some coppers).Eventually find the first drop after passing it twice.
DROP 1: TIGHT INDUCTION Get in. Get it off after walking into some sort of call room to find somebody (an older lady told me to (and I quote) “Find the ■■■■■■■■■ guy. He’s just gone up those steps.” I didn’t find him but he came out to me. Get it in the building, “Sign here please sir.” This is for the wrong place.
Arse.
Drag it across a car park. Eventually get it round the back of somewhere (this was at about 11. Started at 9. ). Next one! Oh wait I’ve got to get out. 1 inch from a van later and I’m out.
DROP 2: LOST
Round the block 6 times. Parked up on a big pavement. Is this the place? “No.” Piles. Called the company (mistake really). They gave me the customers number. By the back of the pub. Err. Eventually manage to park up, get out. OH. That’s it! Back it in. Pallet off. Pallet away. Tara.
DROP 3: THE HUMAN FORKLIFT
Went round the block. (mistake number 2) Cars on both sides of a narrowish road. Then the double parked ■■■■■■■■. Dealer plate in the window. Didn’t make the car less wide. Squeeze it through. End of the road left. Ended up having to reverse to make it. (a car alarm was going off so I have no idea it I hit something). Call company again (mistake 3). Blue door. Err. Eventually get shown where it is. Very swanky art gallery sort of thing (with a cafe of course). Pair of nice people. Ended up carrying the pallet through (it was those inflated plastic bag things so not too heavy). Then went on 15 min break and went back for a quick ■■■■■.
DROP 4: HANDBALL
Get up to the office. Read the woman’s name wrong (to the woman, oh well). "I wrote that you can’t get a pallet up. The last bloke had to carry it. Oh hell no. Call the company (mistake 4!). “Can you handball it.” yeah alright… Put it on break and sacktruck our way to glory. Worked up a right sweat carrying them through the doors after getting them up. Thirsty. Dirty. Hungry. Left black water all over their sinks. (from my hands).
DROP 5: LAWSUIT
NO UNLOADING Stick it. Pallet off. All the way up a massive hill (it felt massive). Almost killed me. Got it in. Nobody bloody wants it. Eventually find the people to take it. Dropped the pallet on a girls foot. Oh well. Left the pallet and exit stage left pursued by a bear.
DROP 6: THE LAST HOMELY HOUSE
Took ages to get there. Sat nav kept getting lost. See UNLOADING park in it. Get out. Walk over to the building. NO UNLOADING balls. Get in. Again “never heard of them”. Phonecalls made “He’ll be here in a couple of minutes.” Checking my watch for times and that. He comes. Collar a traffic warden to make sure he doesn’t mind if I pull round to just outside the place “Yeah that’s fine.” Pull it round. Get it off. He takes it all off the pallet. I check my sheets. (I thought there were 7 drops!) Get the pallet and signature. All strappy. Get in. Get moving.
DROP 7: THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
Could not see this one anywhere. Pulled up at a tesco fuel station (after another go around the block). Got some ginger beer after being told to just leave the load in (mistake 5 at the point? I’ve got to stop calling them…) Ginger beer was SO. GOOD. Spitting feathers. “Paying for fuel?” pftfpfpptfpftptpf.
DROP 8: TITLE
Got there. Got on the intercom. “Hang on.” So I’m trying to get the pallet on the taillift when two blokes come out and tell me they were just told to tell the driver he’ll have to come back tomorrow. urrrgghhhh. Call the place. Get put through the manager. Try to reason with her. Nothing doing. Notify the company and enjoy a spirited drive home (I actually went home to get pictures for posterity. Not too far from the place.)
BASE
Lost a piece of paper work. Didn’t say anything. Get the undelivered pallets off. Print out. Card. Pick up me rubbish. Lock up. Go back for fuel card. Out the door.
HOMEWARD BOUND
Everything in my body hurts. And I kept stamping the clutch into the floor when I got in the car. Also the fact it felt like I was gonna drag me sack down the road… (too low!). Got in and had some lager, a shower, steak and chips, and then a little typey type of this. 
And if they have me back again, I’ll eat my hi-viz.