talknonsense:
Just imagine it; you have a delivery of construction materials into Central London. As always the address you have been provided with is just the name of a road and the construction company you’re looking for. You’ve noticed on the paperwork it says; “arrive no later than 9am”.You know this one isn’t going to be easy. You are forbidden to venture too far into town before 7am. That’s quite inconvenient, seeing as you’ll now be fighting your way through rush hour traffic and thousands of people commuting on their bikes and on foot. Your route is going to involve copious left hand turns which will see your trailer wheels encroach many a blue cycle lane. Not that you’ll see much of said cycle lane once you’ve made your turn seeing as you’re in a 44 tonne, 50ft plus vehicle. During this journey you have burned through 3 hours driving time, and 4 hours working time fully in the knowledge that you have absolutely no where to have a “proper” legal break. On several occasions you’ve narrowly missed being caught short in a yellow box junction, through no fault of your own. Finally you arrive at your destination. A man in full hi viz neon orange who you assume to be the gate supervisor is shouting at you in poor English; “Go around the block!!! Oi. You! Around the block. We don’t have room for you!!”. At this point you have just about had enough. You’re blood pressure is through the roof and your nerves are shot. You make your way “around the block”, attempting to make yet another tight left hand turn at a poorly designed and overly congested junction and BANG! A cyclist has completely ignored your indicators, your road positioning, the silly recording of a robot telling them you’re turning left and a great bloody sticker saying not to pass you on the inside and has gone straight underneath your trailer.
While this is happening, somewhere on the other side of London, Sadiq Kahn and some university graduates at TFL are hard at work trying to dream up another expensive scheme to convince the public that this is all of your fault. They will all get a pat on the back. You will end up driving a greenhouse with stickers, speakers and cameras all over it.
Contender for…
Post of the year.