I see I’ve been the millionth visitor on here for a couple of days now! No honestly I am! FANTASTIC! This is not a joke!
Some nice people keep calling me to tell me I’m owed PPI, and also that I’ve been in a no fault accident recently. I try to reply, but they just keep talking, I don’t know why. I must be getting old, I don’t remember taking out PPI or that accident!
Then there’s that nice man with the Indian accent who works for Microsoft - if I just give him access to my computer, he’ll sort out all the problems I have on it. How kind!
There are some lovely people out there trying to help us aren’t there!
John West:
I see I’ve been the millionth visitor on here for a couple of days now! No honestly I am! FANTASTIC! This is not a joke!
Some nice people keep calling me to tell me I’m owed PPI, and also that I’ve been in a no fault accident recently. I try to reply, but they just keep talking, I don’t know why. I must be getting old, I don’t remember taking out PPI or that accident!
Then there’s that nice man with the Indian accent who works for Microsoft - if I just give him access to my computer, he’ll sort out all the problems I have on it. How kind!
There are some lovely people out there trying to help us aren’t there!
John
Alas, you are cannier than many, John. Good that you remind the unwary. Robert
Ha Ha…
The little Indian man from so called " Windows "… that says I have a problem…
How long can you keep him on the phone for? My neighbour and me have little competitions to see who can keep people talking longer on the phone…
I kept him on the phone for 21 mins 11 seconds 2 weeks ago…
He said I had this problem with my computer, Oh I said that I had had a problem locking into the WorldWideWeb, that my SuperHighway I think was blocked.
He said do not worry as he could fix it within minutes… Wow I said…
I said I was lost as I was an OAP and this was all new technology to me… Normally my 13 year old grandson does all this for me… I said to him Its magic really that kids were good at this sort of thing…
I said do you have kids? How old are your kids? Oh you dont! Are you married… yes I will go to the computer now…
What did I have to do? He said go to the computer and switch it on… I said ok… wait 90 seconds speakly loudly in the background… I then went close to the phone… I said I was sorry but the phone was downstairs and the computer was upstairs… And being a OAP it takes me time to get up the stairs… And just as long to come down the stairs…
I said ok I have switched on the computer… Will that be all I have to do?.. Will it be ok now?
He then said No but it will be ok in a few minutes… I said I was worried about Hawkers and Virtuals, He said Hackers and Virals! I said were they bad… I said I thought he could work for “Which” because they were on the television and I thought it was good that they could see from the Tele how bad I was with the computer… I had spent a lot of money with a man in a van that came round a few times to sort my computer out many times…
He said started to talk about things and I said Hold On I will have to write that all down… Can you start again?.. Ok I think I have this… Press start button… Find Run… Type in the open box and press OK… Ok I have that all… I will be back in a few minutes… You see I have to go upstairs to the computer and the phone is downstairs so I have to go up the stairs and then obviously come down them again…
I said did he want to speak to my wife whilst I went upstairs?
He said No he would wait for me…
4 mins later my wife picked up the phone and said to him she was sorry that I took so long to come back…
Only he has to go upstairs because I don’t like the computer downstairs because burglars could see it and break in the house and steal it…
I came back and said ok I have found the start button… I pressed it… then I pressed Run and this white box came up… I have never seen that before… Have you put that on for me? He said Yes…
I said thank you very much…
Is that the cure of the Windows problem I have now ? He said did I type in the Box?
I said yes… He said what did I type?
I typed in … " Type in the open box and press ok "…
No No No he said just type in “System”… Oh ok… I will go and do that…
My wife picked up the phone… How much will this cost?
As we have some cash ready but how do we pay you? Do you collect it or do we have to call in your office?
Where is your office? I hope its not too far, will we need to take the bus? He does not like the bus, the bus smells and all he does is moan about the unwashed people on the bus, do you find that when you are on the bus?
He is back now… OK I think I have done something to the computer! He said what do I mean…
I said the screen was BLACK, the engine in the computer had stopped, and there were no lights on!
He said that it seemed to him that the computer had been switched off?
I said was that caused by me typing "System in the box that he had put on the screen for me after I clicked on Run?
After I had taken out "Type in the open box and press ok "… He said No… I said Shall you call back later as the wife had my dinner ready now…
The phone went DEAD… 21 mins 11 seconds… Not as long as the Accident Call Girl… she was 25 mins plus…
OldishJoda:
Ha Ha…
The little Indian man from so called " Windows "… that says I have a problem…
How long can you keep him on the phone for? My neighbour and me have little competitions to see who can keep people talking longer on the phone…
I kept him on the phone for 21 mins 11 seconds 2 weeks ago…
He said I had this problem with my computer, Oh I said that I had had a problem locking into the WorldWideWeb, that my SuperHighway I think was blocked.
He said do not worry as he could fix it within minutes… Wow I said…
I said I was lost as I was an OAP and this was all new technology to me… Normally my 13 year old grandson does all this for me… I said to him Its magic really that kids were good at this sort of thing…
I said do you have kids? How old are your kids? Oh you dont! Are you married… yes I will go to the computer now…
What did I have to do? He said go to the computer and switch it on… I said ok… wait 90 seconds speakly loudly in the background… I then went close to the phone… I said I was sorry but the phone was downstairs and the computer was upstairs… And being a OAP it takes me time to get up the stairs… And just as long to come down the stairs…
I said ok I have switched on the computer… Will that be all I have to do?.. Will it be ok now?
He then said No but it will be ok in a few minutes… I said I was worried about Hawkers and Virtuals, He said Hackers and Virals! I said were they bad… I said I thought he could work for “Which” because they were on the television and I thought it was good that they could see from the Tele how bad I was with the computer… I had spent a lot of money with a man in a van that came round a few times to sort my computer out many times…
He said started to talk about things and I said Hold On I will have to write that all down… Can you start again?.. Ok I think I have this… Press start button… Find Run… Type in the open box and press OK… Ok I have that all… I will be back in a few minutes… You see I have to go upstairs to the computer and the phone is downstairs so I have to go up the stairs and then obviously come down them again…
I said did he want to speak to my wife whilst I went upstairs?
He said No he would wait for me…
4 mins later my wife picked up the phone and said to him she was sorry that I took so long to come back…
Only he has to go upstairs because I don’t like the computer downstairs because burglars could see it and break in the house and steal it…
I came back and said ok I have found the start button… I pressed it… then I pressed Run and this white box came up… I have never seen that before… Have you put that on for me? He said Yes…
I said thank you very much…
Is that the cure of the Windows problem I have now ? He said did I type in the Box?
I said yes… He said what did I type?
I typed in … " Type in the open box and press ok "…
No No No he said just type in “System”… Oh ok… I will go and do that…
My wife picked up the phone… How much will this cost?
As we have some cash ready but how do we pay you? Do you collect it or do we have to call in your office?
Where is your office? I hope its not too far, will we need to take the bus? He does not like the bus, the bus smells and all he does is moan about the unwashed people on the bus, do you find that when you are on the bus?
He is back now… OK I think I have done something to the computer! He said what do I mean…
I said the screen was BLACK, the engine in the computer had stopped, and there were no lights on!
He said that it seemed to him that the computer had been switched off?
I said was that caused by me typing "System in the box that he had put on the screen for me after I clicked on Run?
After I had taken out "Type in the open box and press ok "… He said No… I said Shall you call back later as the wife had my dinner ready now…
The phone went DEAD… 21 mins 11 seconds… Not as long as the Accident Call Girl… she was 25 mins plus…
I did my best on a wet cold day…
Regards
A lot longer than me, only 11 minutes…on that occasion I was deaf, he had to shout alot, and repeat everything 10 times…love it.
Well done John West taken all these methods on board but when I pick all the millions I have inherited from a distant relly in Africa I,ll just buy a new laptop
Oldish joda brilliant just what you need to do to them, my trouble is I do not answer any phone call in the correct way ,never have, it is normally, “hello city desk”… or Whitehall 1212.or" hello caller you are through now" I do look at the number if I have my glasses, if not local, ear full, for them.
another scam round here is "sky Ariel maintenance "they never learn. it is good entertainment for free
I’d forgotten about the poor Nigerian Princess whose father had all his money ■■■■■■■ but couldn’t get access to it!
All she wanted was my bank details so she could get the money transferred to me and I could keep a million dollars out of it. How lovely.
Anyway, I emailed her back to explain that now that I’m retired and I have all that easy money from the government on the old age pension, I really didn’t need that much. So I gave her our Lily’s Wilf’s email address. He’s always saying how he’d like to win the lottery and buy a Rolls Royce and go on cruises and things.
I didn’t mention it to him because I thought it would be a nice surprise. I don’t think he’s done it yet though. He used to drive round in a Jag, but he says he had to trade it in for an old Renault, someone took all of his money in something called a ‘scam’.
Ah well, it’ll be nice for him when that million dollars comes through from Nigeria…
When I get these calls, which is regular, I sometimes say" " sorry pal I’m only a visitor ,hang on a mo and I’ll get him", then just leave the handset on the side and maybe go back in 30 minutes to see if Ace is still hanging on, usually not but it blocks a line and probably costs the ■■■■■ a few bob ! I also respond sometimes by saying “sorry mate I don’t have a bank account, only deal in readies, don’t trust Banks with all these Scammers about” The Wife goes mad at me for retaliating but I say ■■■■ them they should get it back in “Spades” as far as I’m concerned. But really someone should tell the Scammers to give Barrow a “miss” otherwise they may get their own Nigerian bank accounts emptied if they are not extremely careful ! Cheers Bewick.
Speaking of scams, for several months now, at irritatingly regular intervals, I’ve been receiving threatening letters from a car park ANPR company demanding obscene amounts of money for allegedly overstaying my welcome at one of the U.K’ s motorway service areas.
Being the kind of a chap who finds this kind of practice less than acceptable, I chose to ignore them.
However, it would appear my determination to fail to acknowledge their missives, is matched only by their insistence in sending me even more of the ■■■■ things. As a consequence, and without wishing to appear boastful, I now possess quite an impressive stack of them.
Now as luck would have it, only the other day, one of castors came off my Parker Knoll recliner. With my mind in turmoil at the prospect of living out the rest of my retirement years, rocking about on a chair with only three castors, I suddenly had a flash of inspiration. I rushed outside and grabbed a handful of those rubber bands that the postman gets a Christmas bonus for dumping on my driveway. I wrapped them around my treasured stack of demands to lend it a degree of lateral stability then inserted the stack where the castor used to be. Perfect. Job sorted. Respect due.
Of course as you can imagine, the chair doesn’t move about quite as easily as it did when it had four functioning castors, but as my urge to travel has diminished somewhat in recent years, I feel that I can live with such a minor inconvenience.
No doubt in a few months time, I’ll have another stack of the things, possibly even more impressive than the stack that I’m currently sitting on. I’ll just keep those as a spare in the event that another of the castors decides to give up on me.
Eddie you must have spent hours on any service station however did you ever read the terms of parking ,yes I know --CK EM but back in the late 1990s in a truck you paid. if not fined or clamped ,nowadays it must be the same for cars, also have a limited time I have no idea however be careful they may have rights like you, I would hate to see you on " THE SHERRIFS " tv SHOW FOR NON PAYMENT OF FINES but I would not know, if it was you would I as I have no idea who you are…i have the same attitude as you but if I get any type of fine for parking whatever, I pay straight away then fight after ,it is Cheaper .like the old 90french francs "quicker to pay they go away "GOOD LUCK
Don’t you just love those calls? I like the guy with the thickest Mumbai accent who claims to be “Mike”, who is calling from Halifax. As soon as I hear the words, “Our records indicate…” I get myself a largish glass of scotch and settle down for at least 15 minutes of p*ss taking. Such simple things keep this Old ■■■■ entertained!
Cheers Bewick.