lies

UK PROFESSIONAL DRIVERS FORUMS THE UK PROFESSIONAL DRIVERS FORUM (INTERACTIVE)
41

Red Squirrel:

Coffeeholic:

skids:
I suppose we all got used to lieing in our undercover jobs in the SAS before we became drivers :laughing:

Just to prove you’re not a liar we will check with the standard question. What’s the colour of the boathouse at Hereford? :wink: :stuck_out_tongue:

Is that the one that belongs to the rowing club or the one that belongs to the canoe club?

That’s the rowing club one. Oh and it’s red brick with blue doors. :stuck_out_tongue:

42

Coffeeholic:

Red Squirrel:

Coffeeholic:

skids:
I suppose we all got used to lieing in our undercover jobs in the SAS before we became drivers :laughing:

Just to prove you’re not a liar we will check with the standard question. What’s the colour of the boathouse at Hereford? :wink: :stuck_out_tongue:

Is that the one that belongs to the rowing club or the one that belongs to the canoe club?

That’s the rowing club one. Oh and it’s red brick with blue doors. :stuck_out_tongue:

The canoe club one is *******. .

43

andi_cardiff:

Darb:

skids:
I suppose we all got used to lieing in our undercover jobs in the SAS before we became drivers :laughing:

You may think you’re joking but I actually was in the SAS before becoming a driver but I don’t like talking about it much, I would regularly patrol the Chinese border, if I had to have a night out in my tent I got £65 night out money as well as the £35 per hour wage :grimacing:

I had two tents and could only night out in the that was big enough to stand up in :smiley:

Which guy on the balcony were you then!? :wink:

That was one crowded balcony. I’m surprised they could move to get the job done.

One of my favourites was the guy on the train one day who told me he was ex SAS, complete with the obligatory tap to the side of the nose, and his old SAS commanding officer had called him from Afghanistan because the logistics out there were in a right mess and he wanted him to go out there and sort it. He was heading out the next week. I was very impressed because it’s well known there is no finer regiment in the world than the SAS at going in under cover of darkness to stealthily sort your logistics, so good you probably wouldn’t know they had done it. I saw him on the train a couple of weeks later so presumably the mission hadn’t taken long. :wink: :stuck_out_tongue:

44

Red Squirrel:

Coffeeholic:

Red Squirrel:

Coffeeholic:

skids:
I suppose we all got used to lieing in our undercover jobs in the SAS before we became drivers :laughing:

Just to prove you’re not a liar we will check with the standard question. What’s the colour of the boathouse at Hereford? :wink: :stuck_out_tongue:

Is that the one that belongs to the rowing club or the one that belongs to the canoe club?

That’s the rowing club one. Oh and it’s red brick with blue doors. :stuck_out_tongue:

The canoe club one is grey.

Shhhhh, we’ve already said too much. :wink: :stuck_out_tongue:

45

It’s burgandy with white architrave, but if you really want to sniff out a walt, ask them what the boat house is used for! :wink: :smiley:

46

Coffeeholic:

Red Squirrel:

Coffeeholic:

Red Squirrel:

Coffeeholic:

skids:
I suppose we all got used to lieing in our undercover jobs in the SAS before we became drivers :laughing:

Just to prove you’re not a liar we will check with the standard question. What’s the colour of the boathouse at Hereford? :wink: :stuck_out_tongue:

Is that the one that belongs to the rowing club or the one that belongs to the canoe club?

That’s the rowing club one. Oh and it’s red brick with blue doors. :stuck_out_tongue:

The canoe club one is ******.

Shhhhh, we’ve already said too much. :wink: :stuck_out_tongue:

Whoops. :laughing:

47

Its not lies really , its this stuff most of the time…

Bull.jpg

48

What amazes me is for all the hgv drivers that have been in the sas is why so many look like they have spent most of there life in kfc judging by the wasteline

49

My name really is Big Vern…And Coffeeholic hates Coffee. Rob K ain’t dead (He’s just lurking)
And I’m sorry for everything. :wink: HTH.

50

I’m just glad that I missed “that” ferry otherwise I wouldnt be around to have been SAS :wink:

51

I told 'em (on that ferry),before role call at Hereford. That I had personally locked them bow doors. :stuck_out_tongue:

52

Coffeeholic:

andi_cardiff:

Darb:

skids:
I suppose we all got used to lieing in our undercover jobs in the SAS before we became drivers :laughing:

You may think you’re joking but I actually was in the SAS before becoming a driver but I don’t like talking about it much, I would regularly patrol the Chinese border, if I had to have a night out in my tent I got £65 night out money as well as the £35 per hour wage :grimacing:

I had two tents and could only night out in the that was big enough to stand up in :smiley:

Which guy on the balcony were you then!? :wink:

That was one crowded balcony. I’m surprised they could move to get the job done.

One of my favourites was the guy on the train one day who told me he was ex SAS, complete with the obligatory tap to the side of the nose, and his old SAS commanding officer had called him from Afghanistan because the logistics out there were in a right mess and he wanted him to go out there and sort it. He was heading out the next week. I was very impressed because it’s well known there is no finer regiment in the world than the SAS at going in under cover of darkness to stealthily sort your logistics, so good you probably wouldn’t know they had done it. I saw him on the train a couple of weeks later so presumably the mission hadn’t taken long. :wink: :stuck_out_tongue:

I am impressed with our places resident SAS hero, (well he only works here during the week to keep him occupied whilst he does all the bodyguarding for the London celebs on the weekends), he has mixed it up a bit and used the Gibralter IRA story instead!

53

GAZ70:
just a quick one,why do drivers tell so many lies :question: .

Do they?

54

ohh I wish we had a ex sas porky teller at our place, all we have to make do with is a 2 Para walt :smiley: and his tales of derring do in the Falklands

55

Derring do? :confused:

56

Theres a fella at my place whose ex RAF regiment, never stops banging on with tales, always keen to show folk shotgun cartridges he carrys in his boot. Beware the lonely bachelor. :unamused:

57

The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin and cook.

Night falls.

First up - the SAS Troopers. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled “phut-phut” of their trademark silenced “double-tap”. They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.

“Excellent!” remarks the trainer.

Next up - the Para 's. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.

“A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done”, says the trainer.

Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie “Sierra Lima Whisky Tango One, suspect headed straight for you…” etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” asks the incredulous trainer, “Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!”

So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night drags on and turns to day. The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.

“Are you taking the ■■■■!!■■” asks the now seriously irate trainer. The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks: “Alright, alright, I’m a zb’ rabbit!”

58

Paddy goes to join the SAS and is going through his interview very well the interviewer says to him…

“OK Paddy just one more task and one more question before we accept you”

He then handed Paddy some semtex explosives and a detonator and told him he had to leave, blow something up then come back to the office.

Paddy dissapeared out of the door and sure enough 10 minutes later the interviewer hears BOOM somewhere outside his office. Paddy returns to the office looking all smug.

Interviewer : “Ok you have completed that now for the final question, how many letters are there in the alphabet?”

Paddy: “Dere’s 24”

Interviewer : No think about that again for a second

Paddy is adamant

Paddy: I told ye dere’s 24

Interviewer : Actually there are 26 letters in the alphabet

Paddy: Oh no dere’s not I just blew up B&Q

59

when i got to the Chinese border they wouldn’t let me in as i forgot my passport iwas telling a bloke i meet there called harry about it last week

60

I don’t know why drivers lie either. I was parked on an rdc bay, watching this copper put pink chalk around my wagon so i could have a nine hr. break, when the driver next to me said, “he’s doing mine for an 11 hr. next.”