Saw this ad for a driver so applied for it.
Driving an old Luton or a newish 22cwt thing: 
Cargo is mainly sweeties from a local factory, and all you can eat or steal:
I can even wear me high-heels as well because you don’t have to do anything except drive and moan like a good un: 
Hours are brilliant, just go to work when you feel like it, the rest of the time you sit in the pub getting legless with the guvnors, who by the way are the worst pair of tossers you’ve ever met!: 
£40 night out money as well, and occasionally you get to go tramping all over Europe for three weeks at a time, in a Luton?: 
Can you guess who this firm is yet? And they have the cheek to call themselves truckers! 
I feel like voting for them as Best British Haulier! NOT!
Here’s another clue, one of the guvnors can’t keep it in his trousers and the other is married to the wife from hell! 
Give up?
EMMERDALE HAULAGE!
Matron lets us stay up special so we can watch the second episode on Thursday as well!I know I am a sad old git who ought to get out more, but since I don’t drink much these days, Matron allows us a weak shandy for Sunday dinner, and it’s been almost 6 years since I last had a smoke, (24/10/2004 10:30 hours), and ■■■is just something that is now becoming a distant memory, what with me back and that, so Emmerdale is my only vice these days,I shout and scream at the goings on but it’s like trying to drink a spitoon, when do you bite it off! Just when I think I’m out they drag me back in. But Emmerdale Haulage really does make me spit. In the late 80’s I did a bit of that light haulage/courier type work and the only way you could make that pay or earn any loot was to run the motor 24/7 and at least six days a week, and as for tramping around Europe in a 35cwt? One episode his bird couldn’t get through on the phone and the brother says ‘he’s probably just got to the hotel and he’ll phone later’! Oh peerrrrlleeeezzzze DO ME FAVOUR! In another, Charity the slapper who will insist on calling this van a lorry, gets back after a delivery gets out the van and you can plainly hear her stilettoes click-clacking on the cobbles!
Anyway it’s the best job I ever had
‘Crazytrucker’
Matron has just brought me some more ‘happy pills’ and taken me for a little lie down…
