What’s black and screams loudly?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron

What does an elephant use as a ■■■■■■■■. An epileptic pig.

What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?

Wipe it off and apologise.

A lady knocked at our door and asked me if I was interested in running a marathon for charity. “Not a chance” I said.
“But it’s for spastics” said the lady.
I gave it some thought and said “go on then, I’ve got a good chance of winning!”

I had my wallet stolen by a man wearing camouflage and crutches.
If i see him again i will say he can hide but he can’t run.

Whats white and runs down windows?

Apple co. CEO.

I said to my mate “I bet you didn’t know that a woman has the biggest ■■■■ in the world?”

“I didn’t”, he laughed. “Who is it?”

I replied, “Samantha Cameron.”

Ooooops, useless technology. . .


What if all these yewtree celebs are innocent?
and it turns out it was Mike Yarwood all along.

Whats brown and red and found in trees?

A sanitary owl

Whats white and runs down windows?

Apple co. CEO.

VERY subtle, dude. Took me about half a minute!!

Heres another - A bouncing baby boy is born weighing in at a healthy ten pounds. Odd thing is, his head & body weigh 5lbs but his balls weigh 5lbs too. The maternity staff are stood around him scratching their heads when the chief surgeon happens to be passing by and asks what the problem is. "We dont really know what to do with him", says one. The surgeon has a look & says “You should put him in a mental institution.” “Why?”, says the nurse. “Well”, says the surgeon “Take a look at him - the boy is obviously half nuts.”