joke

[simonrs2k]

This is a story about the bond formed between little girl and a group of

building workers. It’s allegedly true and makes you want to believe in
the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building plot.
One day Willie Brunsden and a gang of building workers turned up to
start building a house on the empty plot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all
the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold,
more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They
chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch
breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel
important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope
containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her ‘pay’ home
to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to
the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the
bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling
her about her ‘work’ on the building site and the fact she had a ‘pay
packet’.

“You must have worked very hard to earn all this” said the bank cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, “I worked all last week with the men
building a big house.”

“My goodness gracious,” said the cashier, “Will you be working on the
house again this week, as well?”

The little girl thought for a moment and said,

"I think so. Provided those (zb) at Jewson deliver the (zb) bricks.

edited for languageif it needs stars to get past the censor it’s not allowed mrs mix

[kitkat]

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls.

They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, “This bull mated 50 times last year.”

The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, “He mated 50 times last year.”

They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said, “This bull mated 120 times last year.”

The wife hit her husband and said, “That’s more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.”

They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, “This bull mated 365 times last year.”

The wife got really excited and said, “That’s once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one.”

The husband looked at her and said, “Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow.”

The husband’s condition has been reduced from critical to stable and he should make a full recovery.

[jammymutt]

Three friends from the local congregation were asked “When you’re in your
casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what
would you like them to say?”

Artie said: “I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
spiritual leader, and a great family man.”

Eugene commented: “I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and
servant of God who made a huge difference in people’s lives.”

Don said: "I’d like them to say, “Look, he’s moving!”

==================================================

Goldstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to
God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord. . . “God, what does a million years mean to
you?”
The Lord replies, “A minute.”

Goldstein asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?”
The Lord replies, “A penny.”

Goldstein asks, " Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, “In a minute.”

=================================================

A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.
Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, She
sleeps
with anybody who asks her!
I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do?”

“Relax,” says the Doctor, “take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me,
exactly where is Larry’s bar?”

==================================================

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a “Curse” he has
been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says “Maybe, but you
will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
you.” The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and
wife.”

==================================================

Lou was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.
“Give me one last request, Dear,” he said. “Of course, Lou,” his wife said
softly.
“Six months after I die,” he said, “I want you to marry Bob.”
“But I thought you hated Bob,” she said.
With his last breath John said, “I do!”

=================================================

A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening
and I have to talk to you about it.”

The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”
The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.”

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”
The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what
should I do?”

The Rabbi then offers, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I
can find out and I’ll let you know.”

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “Well, I spoke to your wife.
I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?”

The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, “Take the poison.”

[tc]