I got arrested 3 times last week for punching my wife to the floor.
The police asked me, “Why do you keep beating her?”
I replied, “Longer reach, better footwork and significant weight advantage!”
Excellent!! I got done for knockin the exs teeth out. The coppers asked me what happened and I told `em “well, she kept nagging that she wanted decking in the garden”…
Scotsman “Get yer coat on - I’m Goin’ doon th pub”
Wife “Aw darlin are ye taking me with you?”
Scotsman “Naw Ahm turnin the heating off”
jmc jnr:
Scotsman “Get yer coat on - I’m Goin’ doon th pub”
Wife “Aw darlin are ye taking me with you?”
Scotsman “Naw Ahm turnin the heating off”
We’ve had Yorkshire and Welsh jokes.
More sweaty sock jokes please.
Ken.
Try this one, Ken - Glaswegian guy pops his clogs and his widow goes to the local newspaper offices and says to the receptionist “Id like tae place an obituary fae ma late husband". After offering condolencies, the receptionist asks how much money she has to spend. The widow says "£5", to which she is told "Ye waint get many words fae that, but write somethin doon an well see if it`s ok”. The widow has a scribble and hands the card over. It says “Peter Reid, fae Parkheid, deid”. The receptionist feels terrible about the abruptness of it, and encourages the woman to write a few more words. She ponders a moment, scribbles a few extra words and hands it back again. The receptionist then recites it back “Peter Reid, fae Parkheid, deid. Ford ■■■■■■ for sale”.
Hat,coat and taxi but leave the engine running for a quick get away.
Undertaker takes widow into Chapel to view hubby at rest.
She bursts into tears and wails " you’ve dressed him in the wrong suit - his favourite was a blue one - he hated black"
Undertaker ushers her back to the waiting area and begs her wait till he has sorted the problem.
Two minutes later he guides her back and there’s hubby resplendant in a blue suit.
“Perfect! she cries. How did you change him so quickly?”
“Didn’t he says - we had another in the fridge in a blue suit - I just swopped the heads”
I just wallow in poor taste. Jim
What’s the difference between your job and your Mrs?
After 6 months your job still ■■■■■.