NAME: Neil Down
■■■: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: The boss. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position
to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: £185,000 a year plus. If that’s not
possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
Expected Salary: Less than I’m worth.
EDUCATION: Yes Needed.
Have you ever been arrested? No
Why? Never been caught
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: Had paper round for 1 day.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: No. That’s Why I am Applying Here.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy
■■■■ super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually,
I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.