Jehovah's witness yesterday

[brados]

This is exactly what happened to me yesterday.

I answered the door to a sensible looking bloke, middle aged but carrying the obligatory case that all Jehovah’s carry and the conversation went exactly like this:

JW: Good afternoon, have you ever wondered why the country is in the mess it’s in?

ME: Where are you from?

JW: I am not from any political party.

ME: Where are you from then?

JW: Kingdom Hall.

ME: Not interested mate.

JW: Yes I understand that but have you not ever wondered where we are all from?

ME: No - I already know where we are from.

JW: And where is that?

ME: Aliens put us here as an experiment.

JW: (Looking very surprised at this) What makes you so sure of that - have you ever seen and alien?

ME: No but I’ve never seen a god either (suppressing laughter so much a little bit of pee nearly came out).

JW: I will leave you in peace sir - good day.

I thoroughly enjoyed my little chat with this guy, I will have to work on it to expand it a little.

[dave_the_renegade]

I had some at my door a few weeks back.
I asked them if they had a database.I said if you have remove me off it.Then I asked them where they lived and told them I would come around to their place a ring their bell and annoy them.
Finally I told them to shut the gates on the way out.
Persistent barstewards .

[tachograph]

I don’t have a big problem with Jehovah’s witness’s myself, I’m an atheist so I don’t share their beliefs, I don’t like some of their beliefs but they do practice what they preach and are less hypocritical than most religions, I can respect that even if I can’t respect some of their outdated beliefs.

Given the choice between talking to a Jehovah’s witness or someone from most other religions I would have to choose the Jehovah’s witness simply because they tend to practice what they preach.

[hotel_magnum]

the shame of it is they get treated about the same as most drivers do at rdc deliveries, and these people that put themselves out to come to you and try to help.

[dave_the_renegade]

There is a difference.A driver is doing his job,however badly he/she is treated.A Jehovah’s Witness is not doing a job,they are preying more often than not on lonely vulnerable people.If you have a bereavement in your family you can guarantee they will come calling.
As far as I’m concerned I despise them.

[madbaz]

I tell em I belong to the Order of the Servants of Twighlight, one bugger had read the book I got that from

[cattle_wagon_man]

Try this method for instant success Politely ask them if they will accept and fill-in a form to become a blood donor , and show them a Blood Donors card . They wont call again !!

[wheel_nut]

I posted somewhere else about my mate Rob, he had seen them in the street and when they knocked on the door, he let them in, naked, he sat down and started to make a big spliff and as they came in, he locked the door

It is a cracking story when he relates it to people in the pub

[newmercman]

My once favourite uncle got nabbed by these nutjobs, he married one and now lives a happy life, married with kids and all that, he’s changed from Jack the Lad with a bedroom full of expensive stereo eqiupment to a person who, because of a poxy religion never attended his own Mother’s funeral (she was a Catholic) because his religion wouldn’t allow him to enter another church, the man’s a total ■■■■ and I’m with Dave, I wouldn’t ■■■■ on em if they were on fire…unless I’d been drinking four star

They also ‘donate’ a percentage of their wages to the ‘church’ just like the Mennonites out here in Canada, they preach all their tripe and hold demonstrations outside the video shop, yet they all look alike because they won’t mix with the unclean, so they’re all a bunch of inbreds Even the Amish have i-phones and Blackberrys now, they leave them at the 7 eleven at night to charge as they ain’t got electricity, [zb]ing hypocrites the lot of em

Anyone who knocks at my front door that ain’t a friend or holding a pizza box gets the same treatment as telesales people, a loud and clear [ZB] OFF

[jonnytruckfest]

I answered the door to jehovahs witnesses once on a sunday morning after a fair few the following night before and feeling very ill with them being the last people I wanted to see at my door

The bloke was kind enough when I answered the door with the conversation going along the lines of

JW: Good morning sir, I wondered if we could talk to you about God and how we believe he can help you

Me: Well mate, unless he can ‘help’ cure my dodgy stomach I’m not ■■■■■■■ interested. Now unless you want to see what I had for supper last night the gates there.

He buggar’d off without saying a word, but haven’t seen one since

I don’t mind people who are religious but I don’t want it rammed down my throat all the bleeding time. Sometimes i think they don’t do it for religion but do it just to annoy people.

Cheers

Jonny

[wheel_nut]

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blistery day.

The daughter said to her mother,

‘My hands are freezing cold.’

The mother replied,
‘Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up.’

The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,
‘My hands are freezing cold.’

The girl replied,

‘Put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up.’

He did and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.

He said, ‘My nose is cold.’

The girl replied

‘Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up.’

He did and warmed his nose.

The day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said,

‘My ■■■■■ is frozen solid.’

The next day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again,
and she asks,

‘Have you ever heard of a ■■■■■?’

Concerned, the mother said,

‘Why yes of course . . . . . why do you ask?’

The daughter replies,

‘They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don’t they ! ! !’

[jonnytruckfest]

Good one WN

[matt3903]

Thanks WN, that’s cheered me up on this wet miserable morning

[tachograph]

Good one WN

[harry]

When people I don’t know knock at my door I hold my hands out palm upwards & tell them to put whatever they got to give me in there. They give an embarrassed grin & leave. I do it to people that I know now in these hard times & it works a treat -visitor free ,at last!!

[kr79]

I used to go out with a girl who had grown up as a jehovahs witness. Basically what happened was her mum and dad split up and the mum was left on her own with five kids and they jw mob preyed on her been vunrable.
This girl said it made the kids life hell at school as other kids picked on them anyway as they got older all the kids rebelled doing what most teenagers do smoking drinking etc and the mum disowned them. Thankfully the mum saw the light eventually and they all soort of lived happily ever after.
I was brought uo a catholic but I’m not religious but jw seems to be the total opposite of what religion should be about

[wheel_nut]

A good test to see if they really are Jehovas Witnesses is to stab them and then ring for an ambulance. If they have a blood transfusion, they were conmen

[bewick]

Have you seen the JW advent calander ? When you open a door a voice say’s “■■■■ off” !!! When the ■■■■■■■■ knock on our door I tell them they’er wasting their time as I’m an Orangeman and the Wifes R. C. Or another question that gets right up their ■■■■■■■ noses is “What obscure sect do you represent” ? or ask them if you were their child/wife/husband would they allow you to have a blood transfussion if you were at “deaths door” in Hospital ? Usually you have to force the ■■■■■■■■ to answer and they have to say NO !! So I tell them to “■■■■ off” as who would want parents or a spouse who would let their nearest and dearest die for want of a blood transfussion !! Cheers Bewick.

[welshboyinspain]

we recently had our first experience of JW’s here in spain, nearly 8 years without them I thought it was just a UK thing.
I looked through the spyhole and saw 2 yankee looking blokes with suits and briefcases one of them clutching a copy of watchtower when I opened the door one of them started speaking in spanish so my brainwave was to do the brit abroad thing and speak loudly and slowly “NO SPEAK SPANISH NO UNDERSTAND” but the other one answered in perfect english
after about 2 minutes my 4 year old daughter came to the door to see what was going on, one of them said “oh your daughter is pretty with blonde hair”
“no” I said “that’s my wife, we don’t have a problem with age”
strangely enough they’ve never been back