A man phone the model shop and asks “do you have an airfix model of an Italian Liner?”
Shopkeeper replies “Just one sir”
The man say “well can you put it on one side for me”.
Wife - "Can I drive? "Husband - “No. I’m fine”
Wife - “Oh, please let me. I really want to!”
Husband - “No”
Wife - “I tell you what, if you let me drive, just for a bit, when we get home I’ll give you a ■■■■■■■”
Husband - “Really?”
Wife - “Promise”
Husband - “Oh go on then”…“And that, your honour, is the final entry from the black box on the Costa Concordia”.
Watching the news about the stricken cruise ship & the sky presenter said " she’s lying on her side with a gash the size of a tennis court" I just happened to glance at the wife and now it’s all kicked off!
DaiDap:
Wife - "Can I drive? "Husband - “No. I’m fine”
Wife - “Oh, please let me. I really want to!”
Husband - “No”
Wife - “I tell you what, if you let me drive, just for a bit, when we get home I’ll give you a ■■■■■■■”
Husband - “Really?”
Wife - “Promise”
Husband - “Oh go on then”…“And that, your honour, is the final entry from the black box on the Costa Concordia”.
Watching the news about the stricken cruise ship & the sky presenter said " she’s lying on her side with a gash the size of a tennis court" I just happened to glance at the wife and now it’s all kicked off!
Much younger bit on the side who’s on the ship - I’m waiting in the bar
Captain - I’ll be there in five minutes.
Captain to first officer- wake up you lazy zb and drive the ship I’ve got some urgent work to attend to away from the bridge.
First officer - Cosa.Then goes back to sleep.
Bit on the side - You’ve arrived then what kept you
Captain- it’s that lazy zb who I’m training to drive the ship.
Bit on the side - How long have we got before you’ve got to be back to supervise him.
Captain - don’t worry he knows what he’s d–.
Bit on the side - What the zb was that loud bang.
Christ Carryfast your jokes are even worse than your politics. Well done
switchlogic:
Christ Carryfast your jokes are even worse than your politics. Well done
But probably closer to the truth in this case than it being his wife having had anything to do with it. 
Lionel Ritchie has cancelled his fothcoming gigs on cruise liners. Apparently “Dancing On The Ceiling” does not have the same appeal anymore!
Italian divers searching the stricken cruise ship have found two Glaswegians at the bar. They’ve told the divers to ■■■■ off, they’re all inclusive and they still have 12 days left
I brought a raffle ticket for a cruise in the Mediterranean.
Last weeks was a rollover!