What is the best insult you’ve heard lately.

Try and keep swearing to a minimum.

I’ll start with.
He’s stupid, the bloke couldn’t pour water out a boot with instructions on the heel.

Another favourite is he couldn’t organise a ■■■■ in a forest

My old man was a transport manager with a way with words.
To a young new driver:- “You couldnae drive a greasy stick up a horses arse”
To a signwriter:- “Did you drink the paint and ■■■■ on it?”
To a mechanic:- “Make sure your tools are clean and file all the burrs off them 'cos they’re going up your arse if that wagon breaks
doon once more”
To a French customs officer:- “Dae ye speak English? Naw! Neither dae I” “Parlour View Esperanto?”
When asked how he liked his steak:- “Leave one o the horns on so’s I can hawd it an wipe it’s arse”
Mother always credited him with a “Bum Fixation” and “Och Jim couldnae say Grace withoot swearing”

He couldn’t find his ■■■ with both hands and a roadmap (or satnav for our younger members :wink: )

I have done more miles in reverse to Baghdad while you were still in your Dad’s bag.

Some belters here…


Your girlfriend`s so fat, she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops.

If I want to listen to an arse hole I’ll ■■■■.

here is my phone phone someone who gives a ■■■■

Youre as much use as a snooze button on a smoke alarm. or.... Youre as much use as ■■■■ on a fish.

To rude security guard: You’re only here because you’re cheaper than a padlock!

I have done more miles in reverse

Don’t worry you’ll get the hang of it eventually :wink:

I use the hazard lights while in reverse on the motorway networks.
The fuel savings are immense.

You`re as much use as a one-legged man at an arse kicking party.

Here’s 10p, go ring your mates and bring me back the change.

He couldn’t pour water out a boot with the instructions on the heel.

He couldn’t organise a ■■■■ in a forest.

You work like old people ■■■■, slowly and not very well

(Pointing at a broken pressure washer) that’s like Kev, it doesn’t work.

How can you be that stupid with only one head

■■■■ you you ■■■■■■■ ■■■■ ■■■ ■■■■■■■■■■■■ for ■■■■ sake I’ll ■■■■■■■ slaughter you you ■■■■ what the ■■■■■■■■ ■■■■■■■■■ do you ■■■■■■■ ■■■■ ■■■■■■■ ■■■■■ son of a wet useless ■■■■■ ■■■■■■■ hell prick

Get your head in its like an horse box.
You cant educate pork.
■■■■ for brains.

You’ve got something on your chin, no not that one.

“Can I ask you a stupid question?” reply… “better than anyone I know”.

Couldn’t organise a ■■■■-up in a brewery

As useful as a chocolate teapot

Youre as much use as Anne Franks drumkit.