What is the best insult you’ve heard lately.
Try and keep swearing to a minimum.
I’ll start with.
He’s stupid, the bloke couldn’t pour water out a boot with instructions on the heel.
Another favourite is he couldn’t organise a ■■■■ in a forest
My old man was a transport manager with a way with words.
To a young new driver:- “You couldnae drive a greasy stick up a horses arse”
To a signwriter:- “Did you drink the paint and ■■■■ on it?”
To a mechanic:- “Make sure your tools are clean and file all the burrs off them 'cos they’re going up your arse if that wagon breaks
doon once more”
To a French customs officer:- “Dae ye speak English? Naw! Neither dae I” “Parlour View Esperanto?”
When asked how he liked his steak:- “Leave one o the horns on so’s I can hawd it an wipe it’s arse”
Mother always credited him with a “Bum Fixation” and “Och Jim couldnae say Grace withoot swearing”
He couldn’t find his ■■■ with both hands and a roadmap (or satnav for our younger members 
)
I have done more miles in reverse to Baghdad while you were still in your Dad’s bag.
Your girlfriend`s so fat, she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops.
If I want to listen to an arse hole I’ll ■■■■.
here is my phone phone someone who gives a ■■■■
Youre as much use as a snooze button on a smoke alarm. or.... Youre as much use as ■■■■ on a fish.
To rude security guard: You’re only here because you’re cheaper than a padlock!
toby1234abc:
I have done more miles in reverse
Don’t worry you’ll get the hang of it eventually
I use the hazard lights while in reverse on the motorway networks.
The fuel savings are immense.
You`re as much use as a one-legged man at an arse kicking party.
Here’s 10p, go ring your mates and bring me back the change.
He couldn’t pour water out a boot with the instructions on the heel.
He couldn’t organise a ■■■■ in a forest.
You work like old people ■■■■, slowly and not very well
(Pointing at a broken pressure washer) that’s like Kev, it doesn’t work.
How can you be that stupid with only one head
■■■■ you you ■■■■■■■ ■■■■ ■■■ ■■■■■■■■■■■■ for ■■■■ sake I’ll ■■■■■■■ slaughter you you ■■■■ what the ■■■■■■■■ ■■■■■■■■■ do you ■■■■■■■ ■■■■ ■■■■■■■ ■■■■■ son of a wet useless ■■■■■ ■■■■■■■ hell prick
Get your head in its like an horse box.
You cant educate pork.
■■■■ for brains.
You’ve got something on your chin, no not that one.
“Can I ask you a stupid question?” reply… “better than anyone I know”.
Couldn’t organise a ■■■■-up in a brewery
As useful as a chocolate teapot
Youre as much use as Anne Franks drumkit.