the daughters of Dr Fu Man Chu …
Well… a good few years ago, we installed some nice new PC’s at a client site. They were 386 PC’s so, gives you an idea of how long ago this was… The average age of the oprerators was 50+. Nothing wrong with that and there were also a couple of the “old school” typists who were well into their 60’s and were highly proficient on their manual typewriters so all this “new fangled technology” met with some resisitance…
Anyhow…to cut to the chase. After only a few hours, we were called back into the typists office because one of the typist ladies was complaining bitterly that however many times she corrected an error on screen it was still printing the error out. When we got there we found one of the nice new monitor screens covered in Tippex!!!
CHECK OUT THE CONVERSATIONS BETWEEN A TECH SUPPORT EXECUTIVE & CUSTOMER.
Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open
Desktop.”
Customer: “Ok.”
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a
pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have
done up until this point?”
Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I
wrote ‘click’.”
Tech Support: “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of
the screen,
canyou see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
Tech support: ■■?
Tech Support: “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer: “A white one.”
Tech support :
Customer: “How do I print my voicemail?”
Tech support: <_<
Customer: “You’ve got to fix my computer.
I urgently need to print document, but the computer
won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support: “What does it say?”
Customer: “Something about an error and non-system
disk.”
Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy
inside?”
Customer: “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an
Intel inside.”
Tech support : :wacko:
Tech Support: “What does the screen say now?”
Customer: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support: “Well?”
Customer: “How do I know when it’s ready?”
Tech support:
Customer care officer: I need a product identification
no: right now
and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find ‘My
Computer’?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your
computer?
Customer: “I’ve been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can’t get through
to enquiries, can you help?”.
Operator: “Where did you get that number from, sir?”.
Customer: “It was on the door to the Travel Centre”.
Operator: “Sir, they are our opening hours”.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics
Caller: “Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?”
Operator: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about”.
Caller: “On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?”
Operator: “I think you mean the telephone point on the wall”.
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: “Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?”
Operator: " Doesn’t the product give you a clue?"
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
“If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?”
Directory Enquiries
Caller: “I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please”.
Operator: “I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Is the spelling correct?”
Caller: “Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off”.
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: “Woven? Are you sure?”
Caller: “Yes. That’s what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland”.
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
“I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on”.
Caller: “I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?”.
There’s always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time.
I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for “Termination without Cause”.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: “Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?”
Caller: “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”
Operator: “What sort of trouble??”
Caller: “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”
Operator: “Went away?”
Caller: “They disappeared.”
Operator: “Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”
Caller: “Nothing.”
Operator: “Nothing??”
Caller: “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”
Operator: “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??”
Caller: “How do I tell?”
Operator: “Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??”
Caller: “What’s a sea-prompt?”
Operator: “Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?”
Caller: “There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”
Operator: “Does your monitor have a power indicator??”
Caller: “What’s a monitor?”
Operator: “It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on??”
Caller: “I don’t know.”
Operator: “Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??”
Caller: “Yes, I think so.”
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.
Caller: “Yes, it is.”
Operator: “When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??”
Caller: “No.”
Operator: “Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”
Caller: “Okay, here it is.”
Operator: “Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”
Caller: “I can’t reach.”
Operator: “Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??”
Caller: “No.”
Operator: “Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??”
Caller: “Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle - it’s because it’s dark.”
Operator: “Dark??”
Caller: “Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.”
Operator: “Well, turn on the office light then.”
Caller: “I can’t.”
Operator: “No? Why not??”
Caller: “Because there’s a power failure.”
Operator: "A power… A power failure?
Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: “Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”
Operator: “Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”
Caller: “Really? Is it that bad?”
Operator: “Yes, I’m afraid it is.”
Caller: “Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??”
Operator: “Tell them you’re too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!”
A user (A department manager) was arguing with me about why their machine wont switch on. I informed them that the building is suffering a power cut and that with no power, the computer wont be able to switch on. I then had 5 minutes of them having a yell at me, asking that if the person in the next office can use their laptop in a power cut, then they want to use their desktop pc.
I then spent 10 minutes explaining the difference between a pc and a laptop and was told I was wrong. I then passed the call onto my manager to explain. He was on the phone for over an hour.
We’ve got one user who is known to all of us as “the muppet” - it has been alleged that he is an expert in his field but none of my conversations with him have ever suggested that this is possible.
Example - there are two racks of servers for his group, one in the main data centre and one in the DR facility. The Muppet rings about a problem with “his server” and gives the identity of the one in the Data Centre - after going round in circles for about 30 minutes it becomes obvious that he is accessing the one in the DR centre… Later his boss calls to ask us to “forget the call ever happened”
Back in the early 90’s in the DTI, I was upgrading users with a nice new Olivetti x386 PC. One of the first PC’s was given to the IT Support Manager (who knew nothing about PC’s) he pointed to the mouse and asked what it was, I told him that it’s a mouse and you move it around to move the cursor around the screen, a couple of minutes later he complained that it wasn’t working, I found him waving the mouse around in the air
