4 friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at reunion…
One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became.
No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich, he gave his best friend a ferrari.
No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline became so rich, he gave his best friend a jet.
No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development company became so rich, he build his best friend a castle.
No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about.
They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became and asked her about her son.
She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.
The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful.
“Oh no!!” said the Lady, he is doing well.
“Last week on his birthday he got a ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends…”
.
All 3 Ladies fainted …
In Catholic schools students are taught that lying is a sin.
However, instructors are also advised that using a bit of
imagination is OK to express the truth differently without
lying. Below is a perfect example of this teaching:
Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the
priest beside her, ‘Father, may I ask a favor?’
‘Of course child. What can I do for you?’
‘Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her
birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits
and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you
could carry it through customs for me? Could you possibly
hide it under your robes for me?’
‘I would love to help you my dear but, I must warn you, I
will not tell a lie.’
‘With your honest face, Father, I’m sure that no one will
question you.’
When they got to customs, she let the priest go first.
The official asked, ‘Father, do you have anything to
declare?’
‘From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing
to declare.’
The official thought this answer a little strange, so he
asked, ‘And what do you have to declare from your waist
to the floor?’
‘I have a marvelous instrument that has been designed
for use on women, but which, to date, remains unused.’
Roaring with laughter, the official said, ‘Go ahead,
Father. Next please!’
Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Sad huh?
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor’s office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor said, Your heart would be just below your left breast.
Later that night Mildred was admitted to the hospital with her left knee blown off.
How do court stenographers keep a straight face?
These are from a book called “Disorder in the Court” and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published
by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the
exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you ■■■■■■■■ active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, very close to your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ■■■■■■■■ me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a
new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
did you attend?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practising law.
