Father Duffy walks into the convent and sees Sister Rose washing the kitchen floor.
He’s overcome with desire and pushes her onto the ground.
As he’s (zb) her, the Rev Mother comes in.
SISTER ROSE!, she roars. 'Have some respect.
Arch your back girl and keep Father Duffy’s balls off the wet floor! 
A bride on her wedding night says to her husband, I must confess darling, I was a ■■■■■■!
He says, That’s all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite ■■■■■■. Tell me about it.
She replies, Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan! 
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me,
Oi ! What’s your disability?
I said, Tourettes! Now (zb) off!
Tampax are changing their design by replacing the string with a piece of tinsel.
This is for the Christmas period only!
A man says to his wife, Tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.
His wife replies, You’ve got a bigger (zb) than your brother.
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny’s mother says, “Let’s not be too harsh on them. They are bound to be curious about ■■■ at that age.”
“Curious about ■■■?”, replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her appendix out!”
I will never forget my Grandads last words to me…(zb) me a BUS!!!
edited for language dodges mm