The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement
has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for
European communications, rather than German, which was the other
possibility.
As part of the negotiations,
Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some
room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for
what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c”. Sertainly, sivil
servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will be
replaced with “k.” Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters
kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome “ph” will be replaced by “f”.
This will make words like “fotograf” 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is
disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th”
by “z” and “W” by “V”.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords
kontaining “ou”, and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls
or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil
finali kum tru
(The thing is, I wonder if this a joke or the shape of things to come?)
