Tim Vine: “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”
David Gibson: “I’m currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.”
Emo Philips: “I picked up a hitch-hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.”
4: Jack Whitehall: “I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say ‘bought’, I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.”
Gary Delaney: “As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.”
John Bishop: “Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.”
Bo Burnham: “What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.”
Gary Delaney: “Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it’s what he would have wanted.”
Robert White: “For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates - empty.”
Gareth Richards: “Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can’t be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…”
And the worst one liner:
“How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan.”
oatcake1967:
Can someone explain number 10 please ?
If you are being serious, in the UK many restaurants and pubs give you a wooden spoon instead of a table number.
[/quote]
Thanks Wheelnut, totally serious, its a long time since I had a meal in a UK pub.
Cheers
Tim Vine: “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”
David Gibson: “I’m currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.”
Emo Philips: “I picked up a hitch-hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.”
4: Jack Whitehall: “I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say ‘bought’, I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.”
Gary Delaney: “As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.”
John Bishop: “Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.”
Bo Burnham: “What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.”
Gary Delaney: “Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it’s what he would have wanted.”
Robert White: “For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates - empty.”
Gareth Richards: “Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can’t be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…”
And the worst one liner:
“How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan.”
Tim Vine: “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”
David Gibson: “I’m currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.”
Emo Philips: “I picked up a hitch-hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.”
4: Jack Whitehall: “I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say ‘bought’, I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.”
Gary Delaney: “As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.”
John Bishop: “Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.”
Bo Burnham: “What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.”
Gary Delaney: “Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it’s what he would have wanted.”
Robert White: “For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates - empty.”
Gareth Richards: “Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can’t be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…”
And the worst one liner:
“How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan.”
For the record, I didn’t get 10 either.
im surprised you get any of them rob,as the word owner driver aint their,have’nt you ever been in a pub for a meal & they give you a spoon with a number on it.
