How do you make a duck into a soul singer?
Cook it until its Bill Withers.
Rubbish is too good for that joke lol 
Miserable sod lol.
eagerbeaver:
Miserable sod lol.
No, just honest 
Crackin
I was at a chinese restaurant tonight and as soon as we sat down the waiter brought over a pot with a lid on,sat it on the table and walked away. A minute later the lid lifted 3 inches and two eyes stared at us before shutting again. I looked at my wife in bewilderment and again,the lid lifted and the eyes stared out at us before the lid closed again. This happened a few times before we got fed up and I called the waiter over.
I said to him “Excuse me but theres something in this dish that keeps looking at us”
He said “of course there is sir…”
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Wait for it…
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“Its the Peking Duck”
a duck walks into the jobcentre,and asks for a job…clerk gets onto the phone for a frantic 15 mins and says…we have got you top of the bill with billy smarts circus as a talking duck,1 show a day,your own room,full board,£500 a week…duck replies,what good is that to me,im a plumber!!!
dieseldog999:
a duck walks into the jobcentre,and asks for a job…clerk gets onto the phone for a frantic 15 mins and says…we have got you top of the bill with billy smarts circus as a talking duck,1 show a day,your own room,full board,£500 a week…duck replies,what good is that to me,im a plumber!!!
apparantly they have reopened the case and are treating it as a murder enquiry…they reckon humptydumpty was pushed… 
Jesus (on cross): John, John, come to me John.
John: Yes, my Lord. I am with thee.
Jesus: John, John …
John: Yes my Lord …
Jesus: John; I can see your house from up here!!
Before anyone starts - this was told to me by a man of the cloth!
The-Snowman:
I was at a chinese restaurant tonight and as soon as we sat down the waiter brought over a pot with a lid on,sat it on the table and walked away. A minute later the lid lifted 3 inches and two eyes stared at us before shutting again. I looked at my wife in bewilderment and again,the lid lifted and the eyes stared out at us before the lid closed again. This happened a few times before we got fed up and I called the waiter over.
I said to him “Excuse me but theres something in this dish that keeps looking at us”
He said “of course there is sir…”
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Wait for it…
…
.
.
.
.
“Its the Peking Duck” [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38] [emoji38]
[emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23]