A major earthquake measuring 5.3 on the Richter Scale hit in the early hours of yesterday morning, with the epicentre in Market Rason - a small village in the middle of nowhere.
The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
In Doncaster & Grimsby some forty miles away several priceless collections of mementos from the QVC and the Poundland were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken well before their welfare cheques arrived. one resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying.
My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Jerry Springer the next morning".
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime carried on as normal.
The Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Tesco Value Cottage Pies and 70,000 bottles of WKD Blue to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, Lonsdale hoodies &
jewellery from Diamonique.
HOW YOU CAN HELP
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after.
Items most needed include: baseball caps, thongs and tracksuits.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include McDonalds, KFC, ice cream and cans of Special Brew or Bacardi Breezers.
If you would prefer to donate money, 25p buys a biro for filling in compensation forms; £5.00 buys chips, battered fish, crisps and fizzy drinks for a family of 9; £7.50 will pay for a packet of Lamberts and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
PLEASE do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of the neighbouring areas
