After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some VEET for men previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus’s birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types…oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.
I didn’t have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn’t featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it’s way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it’s engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering…" Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout ■■■■■■ against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect…: 
lol
I hope nobody reads that whilst driving 
That’s well funny thanks for the heads up
total quality …have not laughed as much in a while …
go on to amazon search for veet for men and read the reviews you won’t be disappointed
awesome post, made me laugh, thanks for that.
as all above quality
Don’t ever invite me round to your gaff for a meal and ice cream sweet that’s all I’m saying
dazcapri:
go on to amazon search for veet for men and read the reviews you won’t be disappointed
I had to stop reading after about the first 1/2 dozen- crying with laughter and now my sides hurt, fantastic pick up.
crying with laughter and now my sides hurt,
never have i laughed so much ,the wife thinks im having a breakdown
then she wants to know why im searching for said product 
Probably the funniest post on trucknet this year So glad i read this at home ,would have crashed with laughter otherwise.Fairplay,you have to be brave to post your mishaps for the world to enjoy 
Great post, Very funny but I am sure I have read it word for word some time ago. Are you the original poster or did you dredge it up from the past ?
Best post I’ve ever seen, haven’t laughed so much in ages,your pain has brightened up my weekend.
Crying. Just crying.
Soredian:
Great post, Very funny but I am sure I have read it word for word some time ago. Are you the original poster or did you dredge it up from the past ?
+1.
It does sound familiar.
mastesallan:
crying with laughter and now my sides hurt,
+1
Made mistake of starting to read this in same room as wife and three daughters, then like others collapsed into helpless laughter…explaining it was interesting…but funniest thing I have read for ages. Can you sell the story idea to Trucks and Trailers and then they could use all that dramatic music for something actually dramatic!
funny as mate not laughed like that for a while