Recently two other drivers had divorce proceeding started against them bringing the divorce rate to 80% at work (four out of the five drivers employed). All are away all week; two have suggested that the job has been a reason, perhaps not the main but a contributing factor, as to why they are divorced.
So…I wondered, being a married man of three years, whether I should pack it in and get a nine-to-five. Ah, maybe not but I did wonder whether 80% was common across among drivers.
I’ve been through (and am still dealing with the backlash from) one family break-up, and am now happily married. I’ve ticked divorced, even though that’s not strictly true (my ex- and I never married)…but in the context of the question it seems most appropriate.
As for the effects of tramping, I’ve been doing just that for nearly 6 years now. Whether my original family broke apart because of that, I’m not sure…I think it was more a case of there being other problems which the tramping made more obvious rather than it being a direct cause…in other words, we would have split up eventually anyway, being away just got it over with quicker!
On the other hand, I’m stil away all week (when I’m not still off sick thanks to the incompetent bloody NHS… 
), but my current relationship is a strong and happy one. I think it has a lot to do with a) the problems not being there to get magnified and b) the fact that Rikki is a 23 yr veteran himself and so understands that when I go away, it’s not because I don’t want to be with him.
It takes a certain type of person to be a tramper’s spouse…they have to be fairly strong and independent to start with, and there has to be a huge amount of trust between you. I’m hoping to get out of the “away all week” thing by the middle of next year (for health reasons, mostly)…but I know that it won’t be forever and I’ll be bored of local work soon enough, and that no matter whether I’m home or away, I’d always rather be in the other place!
44Luke:
; two have suggested that the job has been a reason, perhaps not the main but a contributing factor, as to why they are divorced.
Maybe it is maybe it isn’t. My first marriage break up was nothing to do with the job, in fact my then and later wives accepted it as a fact of life which gave more emphasis to the times at home.
I do remember though many years ago seeing a poll which purported to list the most enduring marriages by profession. Top came gardeners (don’t know why, perhaps planting a seed and waiting 9 months for anything to happen induces a certain easy going calmness 
), but second came seafarers 
.
Perhaps absence does make the heart grow fonder 
.
Don’t think anybody asked lorry drivers 
.
Salut, David.
I must agree with Lucy that it does take a special type of person to be married to someone that is down the road and for that fact any other job that involves a couple being parted for any period of time. I have known many break ups in our industry me being one of them back in the 70’s.
I must admit that when I saw the post on how to get ‘Women into our industry’ or infact anybody else reminds me that if I’m asked for advice about coming into our industry by anyone especially young lads I start about the pitfalls. I have been asked over the years on many an occasion by lads wanting to be Lorry drivers saying do you like a social life and do you have a girl friend?, if its yes I tell them to forget about it because your social goes out the window and your girl friend won’t be there at the end of the week, anyway you will be to knackered to do any thing with her.
Well I must be one of the lucky ones, Sam and I have been married 6 yrs and together for 10. One of the things which I think has kept us together is our openness with each other. On our first date I told Sam all about my ‘baggage’ and the fact that I was getting my class one, I also said that if she couldn’t handle what I was doing she could end it when she wanted, but I wouldn’t be changing for anyone (tried that with previous girlfriends and it didn’t work). Luckily she stayed.
Over the past years she has become more involved in that side of my job, she’s on here alot, and I daren’t go to a show without her.
as iam divorced ( but not through driving ) as both myself and my partner now drive this works well for us as we both have a lot of trust with each other as we have to
last week the nightes he was at home i was away, and the nightes i was home he was away this happens sometimes, but we both new each others jobs before becoming involved with each other, in fact he spent 3 weeks chasing me round the country
we are both very independant people and like are own space at times, but when we do see each othere we have some good quality time which is important and the art of communication
I ticked divorced but I agree with Lucy, my ex husband and I had been experiencing severe problems before I took to tramping but it did help bring on the end and it is amazing the relief you feel when it is time to ship out again.
Like lucy the relationship I am in now is with another trucker and I am also on the sick. My father was a trucker and I can remember how down my mother used to get with my dad doing so many hours (he was on day running) then coming home, eating his tea and falling asleep. I have done it myself and now I have my partner on christmas pressure out the door by 05.00 and if he’s home by 18.00 we consider ourselves lucky. with us both on the road then schedueling time together becomes a bigger nightmare. At least now we are both as bad as each other and we equaly understand when the other is running late or is too exhausted to do much more than eat, watch tv then sleep.
I’m still married but then I can live in hope 
Seriously though I think my marriage is pretty strong, although the missus may be along later to contradict me. Especially when she reads my first line 
.
Then again shes a special women, but don’t anyone tell her that
gonna chuck summik entirely different into the hat here, ive tramped for 15 yrs on and off. marraige always very strong.(even though we have our moments)
though this last year has been hell, in terms of trying to stay together. been married nearly 24 years, the thing that puts strain on our marraige is the times i,m not tramping. for some reason we get on better when i am away all week.( and yes ive heard all the jokes about that). ive been on day work a lot this last year, and we have nearly split up more times than you can shake a fist at.
i reckon i,ll be back tramping after holls, otherwise we will end up with a divorce, all joking aside has any one else found this to be the case?
incidently, two of my good m8s have come off the road and gone onto day work, to save there marraiges in the last two yrs, both are now going through messy divorces.
I met Donna in 1984 and got married 3 years later.I was in the forces then and she knew that most of our forces life would be spent apart.We have alway’s had a strong relationship and it get’s stronger by the day.Yes like every other couple we have had our moment’s arguing,money worries but we alway’s get through them.We have 2 wonderful kid’s the boy is 17( keith) and the girl is 10 ( Donnamarie) When i left the forces i had a couple of odd job’s but soon found myself on the road driving.Yes i have done job’s that involved night’s away etc and that did not bother myself nor did it bother Donna as she knew that it would not be like the forces where i’d be away for month’s at a time.over the past 8-9 years i have been doing day work with every weekend off,and my life is spent with Donna and the kid’s.I would not have it any other way and we enjoy each other’s company.Now we have moved to Edinburgh i can only see the future becoming brighter as The family are more relaxed especially Donna,which means our relationship will become even more stronger.One thing i will say is i certainly picked the right person to be my best freind.She’s a real diamond,there ain’t a word to describe how much i love her. 
we get on better when i am away all week.( and yes ive heard all the jokes about that). ive been on day work a lot this last year, and we have nearly split up more times than you can shake a fist at.
Yep, been there. When I first went on Mat Leave it was a shock…we’re not used to being together 24/7. Same thing now. I’m far too used to my own company and having my every waking hour filled to be anything less than an utter pain in the backside when I’m forced to be home for more than a few days, or if I lose more than a couple of nights out a week.
Same thing with local work. I’m not used to having to talk to anyone after 15 hours talking to myself! That and I spend the whole time whining on about how much money I could be making and how I’d rather be tucked up in a layby in peace…I don’t even realise I’m doing it most of the time!
In fact, thinking about it, Rikki is a ■■■■ sight more tolerant than I might like to admit…let’s face it, I’ve been stuck at home for 6 weeks now, and every week I get told by the Quack “Just another fortnight”. I’m bored before I even open my eyes of a morning. The idea of even local work right now turns my stomach…I NEED TO TRAMP!!! (Although naturally as soon as I go back to work I’ll be desperate to be home again ).
It’s been good for us that I’ve been off because of my planned sabbatical on local work which will hopefully start next summer…we’ve kind of done all our falling out in two intensive “hits”, so with a bit of luck Rikki has his armour-plated t-shirt stashed in preparation already.
I’m lucky to have him, and lucky that he puts up with me, because I really am Hell with Hormones at the best of times, never mind at the moment… “Volatile” is a word which sums my character up rather well…and it takes a TRUE man to handle me. Just for god’s sake don’t tell him that!
ohterry:
i reckon i,ll be back tramping after holls, otherwise we will end up with a divorce, all joking aside has any one else found this to be the case?incidently, two of my good m8s have come off the road and gone onto day work, to save there marraiges in the last two yrs, both are now going through messy divorces.
I know where youre coming from Terry, as soon as I can, I’ll be down the road, and weve been together 21 years come next year!
My marriage is crap ive had loads of affairs one VERY recently for about 6 months (a beautifil young 27 year old lady and i often asked myself WHY does she even like me let alone love me), you know that old line i,m only here because of the kids well thats why i,m still here.
Dont go ■■■■■■■ preaching oh you cant stay just for the kids, we had a special relationship once and it might rekindle who knows but in the meantime i,m going nowhere.
Maybe if i get this new job being away a few nights a week it might change things as Rabbie Burns once said “For what the eye doesnt see the heart grows fonder”.
Wow, some open answers have been posted here. I have been married five years and with the last three years spent away. With the responsibility of a two-year-old girl and leaving the task to the wife can put a lot of pressure on her and her time.
Every time I get home I find that I do the bulk of the baby-sitting and child-minding so that it gives her a break and lets her get out and about without having the distraction of the kids.
I haven’t even had a chance Bristol City play this season but as my mate informed me ‘if you’d been at Ashton Gate you still won’t have seen ‘em play’. I wouldn’t replace the quality time with my daughter for the world.
Bristol City play
That’s a bonus m8
I always remember when drivers would take a blokes wages home for him if he was down the road and on one accasion when I just started as a drivers mate I was getting a lift home the driver I was with called round at a house to drop off the lads wages. A knock on the door brought his wife and six little heads to the door, Eric the driver handed over the wage packet andon turning away a voice said ‘When will be be home’ ‘Not till Saturday afternoon’, all the kids and his wife cheered.
what about divorced and re married option.
iv’e now been married for4 years (met her through work)… and shes knows the score. regards to driving for a living ,as that was what i was doing when we met.
its been hard recently with the new job and having to do a couple of nights out a week and she misses my cold feet on her at night . but its a strong relationship as i work for the cash and she helps spend it . while im out all day she sorts out the day to day running of the house and staying at home looking after my 3 year old.
the only down fall is i wish i could spend more time with them
but she knows i wouldn’t want to do anything else 
jon
LMAO at Taskmans post!
I met my first wife in 1978, we married in 1981 and we are still married.
I was in the army when I met my wife (it was actually during one of those many times ‘away’) so she knew the score from day one.
Getting out of the army would’ve been the chance to spend more (too much?? 
) time together but then I kinda ended up working for an ‘organisation’ that ‘works’ for…well, the same as I was doing before but better!!
Since changing jobs I have still ended up moving another two times anyway and still spent a lot of time travelling/working away so not a lot has changed.
I’d say that we are at our best by not seeing each other day in day out and she does a real good job of runing our house in my absence but I do miss the kids until i’ve been back for a couple of hours squaking!!