Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the
Flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed
undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I’ve
tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What
can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command:
C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should
automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as
designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications
Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above
application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,
Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring
Loudly.
CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a
supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
Dear Technical Support,
18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2,
which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are
apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution
was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several
other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and
■■■■■■■ 6.9.
Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a
shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus
in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the
same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each
other they caused severe damage to my hardware. I eventually upgraded
to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be
upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my
available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and
Cleanhouse2006.
Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be
very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were
automatically stored in Wife 1.0’s memory and could not be deleted.
They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and
can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These
latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what
the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly,
requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express
which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0
attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often
crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw,
which can’t be turned off.
Recently I’ve been tempted to install Mistress 2006, but there could
be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife
1.0 detects Mistress 2006, it tends to delete all of your Money
before uninstalling itself.
Regards.