Not my own work but thought you all might like this.
An absurd ■■■ in a Lycra outfit, with a daft bulbus hemlet on their head, kindly stopped at a red traffic light today allowing a female pedestrian to safely cross the road without being run over.
The ■■■ said: “Usually I’d have gone through the lights like every other cyclist, but after racing into the side of an elderly gentleman last week, leaving him paralysed from the neck down, I thought I’d let the pedestrian cross the road without her having to dive for cover just so I could shave a few seconds off my journey. Just this once.”
“Plus it gave her the chance to admire my lycra clad scrotum.”
Government transport minister, the right honourable Philip Hammond MP, commended the cyclist on his generous action. He added that the government are trialing a new pedestrian crossing to address the fact that many less considerate lycra clad ■■■■ do hurtle towards pedestrians at 50 mph when they try and cross the road after seeing the little green man appear.
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He explained the new design to the media. “The little green man will now have a bike hanging out its arse for added realism. And beneath that one there will be an irate green person stamping on the cyclist’s ■■■■■■ bicycle screaming die lycra ■■■■■ die!”
Opposition transport spokesperson Nigel Havers responded: “Or here’s an idea, maybe cyclists could actually just stop at red lights like every other road user has to, and not act like they’re doing a lap on the tour de ■■■■■■■ France. When in reality they’re probably just on their way to some pointless, god awful job. Just like mine.”