Extracts from letters written to local councils:
-
It’s the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
-
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
-
I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
-
Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
-
I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that
blew them off. -
My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
-
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
-
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
-
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
-
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.
-
I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawer.
-
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
-
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it’s a funny colour and not fit to drink.
-
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
-
I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his ■■■■ wakes me up and it’s now getting too much for me.
-
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
-
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
-
I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
-
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
-
I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
-
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can’t get BBC2.
-
My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
-
He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it any more.