Norman Ingram:
Lads how could you be like that to the fairest ■■■, you could have said I am the fastest lover in the world, they say are you?, you reply, didn’t you feel me?
Norman,
I think they would say go to the Docter and then ask for a graft,off an elephants trunk,but then you would pinch the buns,oh dear. 
Cheers Dave.
hiya,
If i told a lady i was the fastest lover in the world, my old lady would tell them you’d better believe it.
thanks harry long retired,
Lads here is a good prank, when you meet a young lady that is reasonable endowered at a party, and you are talking to, tell her you have mystic powers, then they usually ask in what way, so you say you can feel her breasts, without touching them, she will say that is impossible, so you bet her 50p, that you can do it!, so you pass your hands a few inches from her body, asking if she feels anything, she will say no, so then you put your hands gently on her breast and slowly caress them, she will say you touched them?, you will appoligise and say I lose, and give her the 50p. The moral of this tale, is that you have quite a lot in your hands for very little money
hiya,
Thats cool Norm but like i’ve always said tight isn’t in it you could have given the bird a quid. I asked a young lady if i coul smell her undies, she said no and gave me a hefty belt round the chops, so i told her it must be her feet i could smell, like i said Norm old world charm works every time.
thanks harry long retired.
harry_gill:
hiya,
Thats cool Norm but like i’ve always said tight isn’t in it you could have given the bird a quid. I asked a young lady if i coul smell her undies, she said no and gave me a hefty belt round the chops, so i told her it must be her feet i could smell, like i said Norm old world charm works every time.
thanks harry long retired.
And me Grandad told me it was a dead fish that no one could find,bloody hell Harry,you have enlightened me.
Cheers Dave.
hiya,
Dave a fountain of knowledge thats me, i’m a mine of information, 99% of it useless.
thanks harry long retired,
harry_gill:
hiya,
Dave a fountain of knowledge thats me, i’m a mine of information, 99% of it useless.
thanks harry long retired,
Hi Harry,
That 1% of wit and wisdom you dispense on here,is quite welcome to us youngsters.
Cheers Dave.
hiya,
Yes Dave that tallies with with what my old lady says about me, she reckons if my wit was dynamite it would’nt blow my cap off, so 1% is about right according to my calculations.
thanks harry long retired.
harry_gill:
hiya,
Yes Dave that tallies with with what my old lady says about me, she reckons if my wit was dynamite it would’nt blow my cap off, so 1% is about right according to my calculations.
thanks harry long retired.
If you ever let that other 99% loose Harry,we had better watch out,cap and all.
Cheers Dave.
A mate of mine was on distance work and had four kids.“No more bloody kids” he told her indoors.
He got home one night after being away all week and she said “I’ve summat to tell you”
“What’s that?” he said.
“I’m pregnant again” she says.
So he repacked his overnight case,picked his log book up and says,
“Give me a ring when you’re tipped”
And buggered off.
True story,no names mentioned just to protect the innocent,Elliot Ness 1920 odd. 
Confusious says, " Man who dips his wick, can end up getting burnt", and man who keeps getting burnt, is a bloody idiot! , and pleasure is a wonderful thing, but when pleasure ends, pain is about to begin.
He also said “Man with ■■■■■■■ hillside not on level”.
Another one, many men munch, but “fu man chu” few man chew
hiya,
And man with hole in pocket can feel cocky all day, but man with hole in both pockets can’t feel too cocky.
thanks harry long retired.
When you have to go, you have to go, so I am off to bowls Harry, catch you later, Normam 
hiya,
Norm is playing bowls as exciting as watching paint dry, SORRY. : 
thanks harry long retired.
Humbug Harry, if it was not for bowlers, you would be ruled by spandards or French, and probably called Jose, or Maurice, so hats off for Sir Francis Drake, and his faithful followers.
hiya,
Just think how much quicker they’d have got the job done if they had’nt played about on the grass and got underway, could have been in the boozer by lunchtime.
thanks harry long retired.
Whatever happened to “the good ole chat up lines” like . . Hello love - “can i weigh em” - whey hey .
hiya,
Excuse me, but are you as good as all the other guys say you are.
thanks harry long retired.