Christmas dinner is like any other dinner to me…
Sitting at a table with a fat bird that doesn’t gobble any more
Last Christmas eve I was sitting opposite the wife on the sofa when I asked “What am I getting for Christmas?”
She winked, hitched up her skirt to reveal her big bushy fanny and replied “This”
I was gutted in the morning when I opened my box of ■■■■■.
My missus has asked for something silky for Christmas.
No doubt this tin of emulsion will be the wrong sodding colour.
Santa say’s to his Elf “I’am getting sick of this. It’s the same old crap every year. Running about like a daft sod in this stupid red costume and at the end of it all I always end up with nothing.”
The elf say’s “Now you know how Steven Gerrard feels…”
Does Santa really live in the North Pole? Lets have a look at the evidence.
- He’s fat
- Good at breaking into houses
- Has loads of electrical goods that nobody can trace
- Drives an unlicensed vehicle
- Only works one day a year.
He’s a bloody Scouser
We were so poor in our house when i was young , that on Christmas morning , if you didn’t wake up with a hard-on , you had bugger all to play with!
My kids are always taking the ■■■■ out of my Alzheimer’s.
They won’t find it so bloody funny when they come down on Christmas morning and there’s no eggs under the bonfire!!
