bigvern1:
Sit on my face, tell me that you love me.
wriggle about and tell me that you care. 
Baaaaaa baaa baa baaaa baa baaaa
I want you to have my children, they’re outside in the car!
or
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
or
I might not be great looking, but no-one else is talking to you!
Rohypnol works every time
It’s not theirs anymore,
This is our England now.
Paaaaarrrrrrttttttttyyyyyyyy
Okey-Didley-Dokely:
can I see you after school.
I asked my mate when it’s ok to have ■■■ with girls. He said as long as they have left school it’ll be fine… Apparently after half 3 isn’t what he meant! 
Seriously…Try this. I guarantee at the very least,that it’ll start a conversation.
Walk up to the woman and say this…
“So…What are you saying?”
Their reply will be along the lines of “About what?”
Then you can start talking about anything. You have their attention. I swear this used to work.
MADBAZ:
Baaaaaa baaa baa baaaa baa baaaa
Thats Garduns love call 
Hello Gary
Well this worked for me last night
’ What’s the difference between hungry and ■■■■■? Where you put the cucumber.’
Cheers
Jonny 
Drop an ice cube on the floor tread on it and say now that I’ve broken the ice and carry on from there.
BIGRIG:
MADBAZ:
Baaaaaa baaa baa baaaa baa baaaaThats Garduns love call
Never had to call for it mate
So i said to this old bird once, hello darling, fancy a dance, she said, sorry i dont dance with babies, so i said…if i knew you were pregnant, i wouldnt have asked ya.
Wanna play carnivals? You sit on my face, I guess your weight.
Hiya love fancy going half’s on a ■■■■■■■■
Sent from my iPad but adjusted even more to ■■■■ winseer off.
“Have you got a mirror in your knickers? Because I can see myself in there!”
truckyboy:
So i said to this old bird once, hello darling, fancy a dance, she said, sorry i dont dance with babies, so i said…if i knew you were pregnant, i wouldnt have asked ya.
'kin 'ell! How long ago was that if she was old? 
Here’s mine, “Have you got any Scottish in you? No? Would you like some■■?”
Diff Lock:
There are 256 bones in your body! Would you like another?
A mate of mine just used to go up to every girl in the club and ask the same thing:
‘Do you want to have ■■■ with me?’
‘No’
On to the next one…
‘Do you want…’
Nearly every time he’d find one, probably more out of sympathy than anything - he was an ugly git as well.
Another favourite of his:
‘Do you want to dance?’
‘No’
‘You might as well - it’s not like anyone else is going to want to ask you…’
It was a mate, honest…
Gary
scaniason:
‘Do you want to dance?’‘No’
‘You might as well - it’s not like anyone else is going to want to ask you…’
It was a mate, honest…
Gary
Classic
are you any good at undoing zips.
she hit me. but i ended up marrying her.
here’s another. and i can’t believe it worked.
i looked down at a birds ■■■■, and said.
nice set girl, well done.