Heres one for the older drivers 
. When my dad was driving ( pre-tacho days) i remember him saying that a driver had been sacked for “fiddling” . What did this actually mean 
did it mean parking up at home & booking a night out also i remember him telling me different locations where the “ministry” would park . Was this to check drivers were filling in there logsheets honestly
Hi tonyhogi,
The ministry used to do silent checks on drivers to see if they were exceeding their hours in the days of logsheets,and as you probably know most were,except the one’s whose company were strict about the rules. In those day as today,the only way you could earn a reasonable wage was to work long hours. I will let some of the others give you the lowdown on other tricks of the trade.
Cheers Dave.
i remember we used to carry and fill in 2 log books, 1 for the boss and 1 for the ministry! you just had to make sure which was which in case of a road side check 
Way back in the 1970’s (pre Tacho days!) one of our Tilcon drivers had a regular run from Ashbourne to Glasgow with white chippings for Tilcon’s plant in that city. He drove an eight wheeler Foden S80 with a 220 R/R engine and he would do the run there and back in one day. I don’t know what time he started out but we used to see him going back to the village of Brassington where he lived ( about 2 miles from our quarry) around 5.30 pm.
He would breeze into the quarry the next day at 10 am and regale us of what he had been doing while nighting out at Morecombe!! We never had the heart to tell him that he had been spotted. He booked a night out mind, but in those days we all took our wagons home with us so the gaffer’s were none the wiser.
Some of WH Phillip’s drivers used to crack off to wherever at about 2 am and arrive back at 10ish at night, they had to park at their garage though so no “dodgy” for them! To be honest the Tachograph was a Godsend to a lot of drivers, the wage may have dropped but the roads were a little safer.
Pete.
Dave the Renegade:
Hi tonyhogi,
The ministry used to do silent checks on drivers to see if they were exceeding their hours in the days of logsheets,and as you probably know most were,except the one’s whose company were strict about the rules. In those day as today,the only way you could earn a reasonable wage was to work long hours. I will let some of the others give you the lowdown on other tricks of the trade.
Cheers Dave.
Right Dave my son ! The days of “elastic log sheets” !! When I drove my first “A” licenced D1000 one of my first customers was a local Paper mill (1969) well they were having production problems with this order for Robinsons in Bristol who were screaming for the paper !! I should have loaded that morning and gone straight to Bristol and tip ! however I was stood all day waiting to load and it wasn’t till late in the evening that the load was ready but the Mill asked me if I could have the load there by 6AM following morning ! Good customer and me as keen as mustard to please NO PROBLEM ! So I went home had a few hours kip then set off to Brisol at 11pm but I had my log sheet setting off from Kendal at 4am next morning then by the time I would have got tipped and had my breakfast in Bristol I would have been about legal on my log sheet ! Anyway a week or two later when I got home early morning after another grueller from London my Mother tells me that the Ministry chap a Mr Wilcox would like to see me and to bring my Log sheets for a number of dates various ! Oh St ! So I goes along to his office ( I could hardly keep my eyes open I was that knackered ) However I sit down in front of old Frank Wilcox and he goes through my sheets !! Question what was I doing round the market cross at 4am in TewkesburyA38 when I was (in theory) just leaving Kendal ! Bang to rights Dennis boy !! I told him exactly the circumstances as to what had happened with the load and Frank said leave it with him and guess what I never heard another peep but he used to remind me about the episode for years after!! I might have took liberties but I never asked my drivers to and old Frank never had any problems with us ( I always gave him a bottle of Whiskey every christmas even after he retired up till when he passed away ) He told the Gloucester Ministry men that my sheets were in order ---- end of matter !! he used to Bt me and tell me he knew I was a genuine lad and it was his job to catch the Dodgy B**s But to behave myself!! He used to pop in to see me regularly as he was near retiring and sit in my office ( large coffee with drop of scotch )and talk to me like a dutch uncle !! Those were the day’s Dave.
Bewick:
Anyway a week or two later when I got home early morning after another grueller from London my Mother tells me that the Ministry chap a Mr Wilcox would like to see me and to bring my Log sheets for a number of dates various ! Oh S**t ! So I goes along to his office ( I could hardly keep my eyes open I was that knackered ) However I sit down in front of old Frank Wilcox and he goes through my sheets !! Question what was I doing round the market cross at 4am in TewkesburyA38 when I was (in theory) just leaving Kendal ! Bang to rights Dennis boy !! I told him exactly the circumstances as to what had happened with the load and Frank said leave it with him and guess what I never heard another peep but he used to remind me about the episode for years after!!
That story sounds familiar, my old boss Bill trained me well and he used to get on well with the normal ministry men and Archie Paice’s friend, Miss Forbes 
However whether it was due to reorganisation or distrust we started being visited by different officials. Bill would have nothing to do with them and left me to deal with it while he hid in the loft of the garage. One day when the ministry were being quite hard on me. I heard the forklift truck start up. a short while later Bill came in and told the man from Harehills House he wasn’t welcome and was in fact trespassing. The argument spread into the yard and I saw this new Vauxhall Viva perched on top of the office container. The police were called and they persuaded the man to leave if Bill would lift his car down. Soon after that we had our favourites back and no doubt a few more brown envelopes passed around 
He was a star boss and would potter around the yard with a sweeping brush and direct any officials towards other drivers or even me the apprentice yardman 
Talking about ‘fiddling’ we all used to run anticlockwise around the M25 and book the tolls untill a certain friend of mine broke down near Heathrow and called in but didnt tell the mechanic exactly where he was on the M25 ? so the poor guy drove back and forth for ages between South Mimms and Dartford before actually doing the full M25 and found our hero near the airport
Now the norm would be to just say the traffic was bad so he went that way to avoind it and all would be good … not him
He still bokked the dartford toll
Unfortunately Swift management twigged it and set a spy up near the tolls for weeks to watch us. … THE [zb] 
Severn bridge was another one, down the M50 and book the toll … 
aye, if you are going to fiddle,(not that i would ever) you have to cover your arse 
The other explanation of fiddling, was that the driver was up for 21 hours, slept in his own bed and got paid for 12
Wheel Nut:
The other explanation of fiddling, was that the driver was up for 21 hours, slept in his own bed and got paid for 12
An old driver who had long been retired from K. Fell & Co a firm we took over in 76 once put a time sheet in claiming to have worked 25 hours in one day !! in another instance he once dragged a car that had run into the back of him on the M1 from Newport Pagnell to Dunstable until the Police got him stopped !! Majic !! Bewick.
Bewick:
Wheel Nut:
The other explanation of fiddling, was that the driver was up for 21 hours, slept in his own bed and got paid for 12An old driver who had long been retired from K. Fell & Co a firm we took over in 76 once put a time sheet in claiming to have worked 25 hours in one day !! in another instance he once dragged a car that had run into the back of him on the M1 from Newport Pagnell to Dunstable until the Police got him stopped !! Majic !! Bewick.
We had one who booked 125 gallons into a 75 gallon Mandator tank on t’agency then wondered why we were barred from the garage and why he got the sack
Had my batteries nicked while parked in Oldham on a dodgy, should have been parked in Burnley. So had to ring the TC,it was about 10.00am. Said to him I’ve just come out of a café and my batteries have gone. Ok he said I’ll get somebody out to you. Silence on the phone for a few minutes, then, YOU LYING ■■■■■■ B……D, YOU’RE ON AN ■■■■■■ NIGHT OUT, SEE ME WHEN YOU ■■■■■■ WELL GET ■■■■■■ BACK. That’s it I thought, I’m up the road.
This TC was the type of person who would think of a question to ask, and then think of all the possible answers that you would give. Then he’d have a question to throw back at you straight away and when you replied, he’d come back with another question and so on. So, I get back to the yard and go to his office. Come in, sit down and close the door says he. Bit difficult that, because you can’t reach the door once you sit down. However I sit down and wait for it. Must have been 5 minutes later when he looked up at me and said, well what have you been up to. I said I’ve had a bit of bad luck. Bad luck he said, bad luck, what do you mean by that? So I said, I’ve had my batteries pinched on a dodgy, that’s what I call bad luck. He was speechless, the only answer he didn’t expect, the truth.
I didn’t get the sack, got sort of a mumbled rollicking and the matter was never brought up again
Ray
I know the feeling Ray.
Our gaffer used to say “Ah,how good’s yer memory?” and your dodgy nights out in the last three weeks flashed before your eyes,thinking “was I legal” and where was the motor - was it where the log sheet said it was? He used to run round the well-known parking places around Sheffield/Rotherham on a saturday morning,jot any probable offenders in a little black book and sit back and wait for the log sheets to come in.He caught two whilst I was there,at Rotherham.One daft sod was booked off at Wetherby and the other at Flouch,Woodhead.They were both sacked on the spot.
Good job he didn’t have a ride out as far as Derby… it accomodated a huge area including Tewkesbury,Telford,Brum area and Potteries 
Happy days… 
Hiya Chris
One of the lads at the place I was working, when I had my batteries nicked, was Irish.
So he’s parked up, thumbed a lift home, washed, changed etc. his wife has gone to Bingo and the kids are out playing at the park.
He’s settled down to watch the telly and have a few beers.
Then the phone rings, now what do you not do when on a dodgy… answer the phone.
So he picks the phone up and says hello, the voice at the other end is the TM, he says is that you Fred (not his real name). Err err err no, it’s ME brother, he replied 
. Oh right, said the TM, 
if by any chance Fred rings you tonight would you ask him to ring me first thing in the morning because I need to change his instructions.
Ray
flishflunk:
Hiya Chris
One of the lads at the place I was working, when I had my batteries nicked, was Irish.
So he’s parked up, thumbed a lift home, washed, changed etc. his wife has gone to Bingo and the kids are out playing at the park.
He’s settled down to watch the telly and have a few beers.
Then the phone rings, now what do you not do when on a dodgy… answer the phone.
So he picks the phone up and says hello, the voice at the other end is the TM, he says is that you Fred (not his real name). Err err err no, it’s ME brother, he repliedRay
Hi Ray.It’s me brother… 
I had tipped at Widnes on a friday afternoon and had been working in Lancs/Merseyside for a fortnight.I ran the motor to Hollingworth where we had a nice little spot to park.I decided to ring in on “button A” and when Sheffield answered I told 'em I was tipping at Widnes and what was I doing next - banking on going back over Woodhead empty.We’ll ring you back,what’s yer number .I gave 'em a Widnes number what I’d made up and left it at that.I left the wagon at Hollingworth and got a lift to Sheffield.When I got in the yard the routing book had been left open and I could just read the spidery writing “Fleet 198,load BSC Shotton for BitMac Scunthorpe,tip monday”,and a note pinned to the page which said summat like “ask Chris about Widnes phone number”.
Turned out it was Widnes fire brigade HQ desk.
At least Scunthorpe got me out of Lancs for a bit.
Hiya… I thought if i ever did any fiddling i would look up places that doubled for places near home.Now near Cirencester the’se a place called Elkstones
and there 's a place near Leek called Elkstones so if you parked at Elkstones returning from Southampton which Elkstones would you be parked at.
Also if you was on you way from Lincoln to Leek and there was a place called East leek and your time was up would it matter if you missed the East off.
I wounder if it would have worked. Maybe we’ll never know will we it was a long long time ago.
Honest John.
Hi John,Leek and East Leake,nowt between them Barton was another - could have been Barton under Needwood,Barton on Humber,Barton on A6,Barton near Scotch Corner.Board Hill was one we used -just above Dog and Partridge on Woodhead,Saltersbrook where the A628 went over the Woodhead rail tunnel.Our London office router once asked where Bassetts Pole was 'cos it wasn’t in his map index and was totally confused with Eaton - Long? Little?Mark?Eaton Socon? - it was always Little Eaton where t’wagon was - which covered Chesterfield,Nottingham,Leicester,Birmingham area and Potteries - was a big parish was Little Eaton
I deserved to get done,but it never happened
How about another driver, parks up near Wetherby early afternoon, then rings gaffer for instructions for following days work. Gaffer said, to early yet, ring back in another hour. So he gets a lift to Hartshead Services and rings again, still to early, ring in about an hour. So he carries on back to Manchester and rings again, gaffer says, nothing for you yet tomorrow, bring your wagon back here today.
Ray
My dad got caught in the early 60 s pulling onto the M1 where it ended at Crich driving a private contractors lorry heading down to a delivery on the north circular road near hendon dog track in north london…this was around 8 00 pm one evening…only problem was he d been down there earlier in the day in his company truck.(whitwick granite company coalville leicester)…obviously somebody had grassed him out.The case went nowhere though it was withdrawn prior to going to court.
Back home in Canada & the US I run a log book, it’s a bit more complicated to fiddle, scale crossings, fuel stops, borders & tolls have to be logged accurately, but, in time honoured tradition you can nick a bit here & there, like for instance running back to the yard instead of parking an hour or two away, so long as a border, fill up, scale or toll aren’t involved
I’ve never come a cropper like some of you but my Dad has, sitting at home one night he got a call from a work mate, he was at home on a dodgy & the lorry wouldn’t start, he had a Scammel Routeman tipper, the batteries had gone flat & he needed a jump, so my Dad went to the yard, got his unit, a 240 F88 & bounced down to Graham’s place to get the old Scammel going, it wasn’t that simple though, we tried jump starting it (I was along for the ride, any excuse ) it spun over, but it wouldn’t fire, so they decided to bump start it, hopefully that would get the thing going, a small problem with this though, the air had gone & the Scammel was going nowhere so they wound off the back brakes & slapped a chain on the front, shackled it to the spare wheel carrier on the back of the Volvo & off we went, we must’ve towed the thing for 5 miles before it fired up in a cloud of smoke, my Dad pulled over to get the chain off & sort the brakes out on the Scammel, when there was a huge bang & we went sideways across the road, Graham hadn’t been able to stop the fully (over)loaded Scammel on just the front brakes & had run straight into us, the bumper on the Scammel was mangled, it had knocked huge chunks of cab off as it folded around the spare wheel of the Volvo, that spare wheel was now touching the diff on the F88 & pointing almost 90deg from where it had started, we had to let it down so that the axle could move without ripping it off, we went back to the yard & spent the rest of the night ringing a spare wheel carrier off of one of the old scrappers in the corner of the yard (remember when every yard had a corner like this) Nobody ever said anything about the Volvo, I doubt the same was said about the Scammel, it was a right mess