After one of our Slovakian driver’s came into the yard,having yet again ripped off the passenger step,I said to our boss “well,you pay peanuts,you get monkey’s”!
That didn’t go down too well at all.
Before I got my license I used to work with an old boy called Tommy Rodham (RIP) as his mate.
His favourite to me was;
’ If yer pockets were filled wi’ water son, thar ands wud drown’
Great old man, he showed me all the ropes, literally.
When I first passed my test, after being given my first load, I commented on the amount of deliveries i had.
Me - “Thats some size of run I have.”
Another driver - “I`ve had bigger runs doon ma trooser leg pal!!”
im completely bald and theres always some bird wants to rub yer head…i tell em ive shaved me bollox do yer want to rub them aswell…
or if you worked everyday for the rest of yer life yer woudnt catch up to what ive done so far
or,listen sonny ive been doing this job since yer dad was shixxng in towels
bigr250:
I’ll be racing on the same program as Ben at the British Moto GP in June at Silverstone, (only in a support race of course!!) I’ve never raced there so really looking forward to it.
bit off topic but i was just idly surfing and came across a photo of you with mark heckles, I met him a few years back at ochersleben when i was a “vip” hanger-on with chris walker’s camp for the weekend, very funny bloke if a bit loony! small world ain’t it 
jj72:
bigr250:
I’ll be racing on the same program as Ben at the British Moto GP in June at Silverstone, (only in a support race of course!!) I’ve never raced there so really looking forward to it.bit off topic but i was just idly surfing and came across a photo of you with mark heckles, I met him a few years back at ochersleben when i was a “vip” hanger-on with chris walker’s camp for the weekend, very funny bloke if a bit loony! small world ain’t it
I was with Mark a couple of weeks ago, he now lives in New York and was visiting Liverpool to help his brother sort out his dads affairs. (he sadly died earlier this year) When he was doing WSB he spent a lot of time with Chris Walker, in fact (I believe) I almost get a mention in CW’s book, he & Mark were on their way back from Valencia in Chris’ motorhome when they blew a tyre just in France and had no idea how to get it sorted. Eventually I was contacted and used my tyre account to get him a new one and they were on their way, and as a bonus I actually got paid back the £700!! 
Ross.
PS, is it the pick of us standing behind my TZ250 at Aintree?
PPS, he’s a top, top bloke.
bigr250:
PS, is it the pick of us standing behind my TZ250 at Aintree?
that was the one mate, nice work!
To a thick person - “I’ve seen more brains on Peter Sutcliffe’s hammer”!!
to a thick person:
pack your crayons up, pull your tongue in and [zb] off
a village somewhere is missing its idiot
“Either you’re blind or you’re a [zb]. Which is it?”
If you need to use stars to get a word past the auto censor, please take that as a clue that the word isn’t allowed. dd. 
I always loved this one when told by an old driver in Bristol. “When I started driving the hills were so steep that change fell out of your pockets going up em” and “Driving an old truck with a gardner 140, start off in first, clutch in, into neutral, do’ crossword in’t Daily Mirror, bang her into second…”
bigr250:
I always liked, “Sonny, I’ve probably reversed more miles than you’ve driven”!!!Ross.
Good comeback for that one would be “Yeah I used to have a satnav like that”
My Dad always used to say, “I’ve done more miles round roundabouts than you Son”
To which I used to reply " why were you lost", a clip round the ear followed.