Following on from ex-hauliers comment / put down in the “Look who I met in Pampolona” thread which made me laugh out loud, i thought I would start a thread for the best put down that you have heard.
We have all heard the…“Ive done more miles on a cross channel ferry", or "Ive skidded more miles in a truck park than you have ever driven” or the all time classic …" I was in Bagdad before you were out of your dads bag!!" 
Anyone got any more to contribute?
Its all in good fun!! 
I always liked, “Sonny, I’ve probably reversed more miles than you’ve driven”!!!
Ross.
i was sat in the resturant at the peage at orte 70ks north of rome. a newbie came in telling us that he didnt really have time to eat as he was tearing here there and everywhere and was expected back yesterday"my boss really appreciates what i do and im getting a brand new truck when i get back".the old sweat put down his knife and fork and said.“son,your better off with the oldest motor on the firm working your way,than the newest working motor working their way”.SPOT ON I RECKON!!!
i was arguing with an old hand about an address on a cmr,he reckoned it wasn,t going to the address stated, i was adamant and kept repeating"but it says here its going to blah blah"he turned round and said-“son,it also says INDIA RUBBER on yer tyres but yer no going there!”
My father,who was an owner driver and did the middle east in the 70s,went to work for Ralph Davies,after mr davies moaned at him for using the non free motorways in spain,my fathers response was “ive driven more miles on sand than youve done on tarmac” and if thats the way you talk to your drivers you know where to stick your job.He (my father) turns 70 in march and is still going strong as one of Pulleyns longest serving drivers.
not so much a put down but when i passed my test i worked work 4 a man that give me a chance of european driving but every time i moaned about anything he would say well mick thats international driving for you used 2 shut me up but drove me mad. stil i worked for him for ten years til he packed it in but i would go back 2mora if he started up again so cant of bin that bad. lol
good old boys that had no maps and navigated middle east by the old oil barrels that were used as marker points,and the guys that so say served in the sas,saturday and sundays,but could not talked about the time served as its official secrets act,can get jail for it.
Here’s a couple:
“I’ve emptied more diesel out of my turnups than you’ll ever put in a tank”
When I worked for Terry “Little legs” Regan, running to Italy, I once refused a trailer until the brakes had been sorted out.
Terry’s comment was: "Brakes? What the xxxx do you want brakes for? Not planning on stopping anywhere, are yo?
My personal favourite I have ever heard was -
“I’ve got a tin of beans in my side locker that’s done more miles than you.”
Coffeeholic:
My personal favourite I have ever heard was -“I’ve got a tin of beans in my side locker that’s done more miles than you.”
i was reliably informed years ago that that one was coined by the recently departed pat seal
back in the late 80s the firm i worked for decided to start doing their own madrid work rather than continuing subbing it to spaniards - the operations manager was getting an earbashing from a lad called Pete Bloom that he should get to do the first load as ‘I was the first driver ever to go to spain for this firm’ to which Eric quipped straight back ‘Aye, and the fourth [zb] to get back to t’yard’ 
That jj72 has for me been the best post here so far
PMSL 
THANKS:;
toby1234abc:
good old boys that had no maps and navigated middle east by the old oil barrels that were used as marker points,and the guys that so say served in the sas,saturday and sundays,but could not talked about the time served as its official secrets act,can get jail for it.
and what part of this is the old hands put down 
Coffeeholic:
My personal favourite I have ever heard was -“I’ve got a tin of beans in my side locker that’s done more miles than you.”
Ha ha ha ha ha ha That has got to be one of the funniest things ive heard!!!
maverick72:
toby1234abc:
good old boys that had no maps and navigated middle east by the old oil barrels that were used as marker points,and the guys that so say served in the sas,saturday and sundays,but could not talked about the time served as its official secrets act,can get jail for it.and what part of this is the old hands put down
Yay!!!..Toby`s back!!
i once went into a traffic office with an unlit rollup in my mouth. this middleage(bovine) came to the window and shouted at me, do you know it,s ilegal to smoke here my young man to wich i replied i,ve got an erection it does.nt mean you and me ar going to have ■■■.
my mates favourite line is i’ve spilt more diesel than you have burnt
son i got shirts that have done more miles than you and i change them every day.;; and does your mum know your out this late.;; are two of my favorites
browncow2:
i once went into a traffic office with an unlit rollup in my mouth. this middleage(bovine) came to the window and shouted at me, do you know it,s ilegal to smoke here my young man to wich i replied i,ve got an erection it does.nt mean you and me ar going to have ■■■.
Round of applause for that man!!
That isnt just the funniest “old hand put down” I have heard but one of the best lines I have heard in years
I,ve got a few of these comments.
I,ve driven more miles on ferry ramps than you,ve driven abroad.
Travelled more clics with snow chains on ,
A good one from Jack Lennox (rip)of Interland and later NFL fame, when i missed a ferry from Marsielles to Algeria by half an hour, and i apolagised saying that i had a little kip, to which he replied,
Did you not sleep at the weekend son.
We had 37 hours to get from Whiteabbey to Marsielles and that included two ferries.
Got to go as boarding ferry in Caen.
I like the tin of beans one
An old boy I used to work with always used to say ‘I was like that when I had my first pint too’ when anyone made a balls up.
As this is a Bullitt thread he’ll love this one I’m sure, a bloke we both know who is a bit, ok a lot, of an arse was sitting on the boat back to Dover with an unfortunate audience, I spotted him & hidden out of sight as I didn’t want to get surrounded by him, he was telling them all about his M/E days & his runs to China, after 10 mins of this the other three blokes on the table looked like they wanted to jump overboard so I thought I’d come to their rescue, he was telling them all about his trip, he had been to Greece (true) & had 2 Ozzie backpackers in his cabin on the boat, both ways, they were bisexual of course, he’d got a million drak coffee for a bit of cabotage, done it in 4 days one hit, blah blah blah, I went up to the table & said "Hello Andy, you lucky git, you only passsed your class one last week & you’ve already done a Paris turnaround’ the other three blokes ■■■■■■ themselves laughing & Andy went as red as a beetroot, sorted
I also used to tell my drivers that they should’ve tried harder in school & then they could’ve got a proper job instead of working for me when they rung up moaning.