One day in the Kingdom of Heaven , God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He
enquired of God, ‘Where have you been?’
God pointed downwards through the clouds.
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, ‘What is it?’
‘It’s a planet,’ replied God, ‘and I’ve put LIFE on it. I’m going to
call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.’
‘Balance?’ inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth,
‘For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and
wealth, while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over
there will be a hot spot, and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there
I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of
black people.’
God continued, pointing to the different countries.
This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold
and covered in ice.’
The Archangel , impressed by God’s work, then pointed to another area of
land and asked, ‘What’s that?’
‘Ah,’ said God. That’s the North of England, the most glorious place on
earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in
the North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the
world’s finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and
politicians. The people from the North of England are going to be
modest, intelligent and humorous and they’re going to be found
travelling the world. They’ll be extremely sociable, hard-working and
high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers
of truth.’ Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,
‘What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!’
God replied very wisely, 'Wait till you see the bunch of tossers I’m
putting down South !
You forgot the ending…
Turning to Michael, the Lord said; “As the Battle Angel, Michael, I am appointing you to be the Guardian Angel for Northeners.”
“Thank you Lord!!”, cried, cried Michael and departed Heaven for Liverpool.
“Now then”, said the Lord, turning to the Host of Angels, “Now that I have got rid of that gullible, lager swilling, bar fighting hooligan, I am sending the rest of you to the real world!!”
******Coat, Hat…TAXI!!