Clunk:
Deepest Berkshire. I asked a ‘local’ where to park up for the night.
In his strongest Irish accent, he asked what I had on board and suggested parking up next to these caravans in a nearby field.I declined his offer.
i thought the Caravan Club people would be a friendly bunch? 
threewheelsonmywagon:
Anybody remember asking “Charlie” for directions in Swindon on the cb years ago? It was a real education to listen to him giving direction to half a dozen drivers at the same time.
Never found out anything about him, but his local knowledge was encyclopaedic, to say the least.Personally, if the sat nav and the web/google earth fail me, I ring the office and ask. Never have a problem with them, far from it. Good chaps that make the job so much easier.
Years ago, it was a standing joke with me that no matter where I stopped to ask directions, I always got: " cannae tell ye jim, am frae Glaisgea massel". The first time I stooped to ask for directions in Glasgow? Yep, he was from Bristol! D’oh!!
You might remember my uncle Len aka “Crocodile”, he was a trucker but would have been retired by 1980 and spent his life on the cb from his council house in Crawley, near Winchester, Hants.
“Well ,for a start,i would"nt have come this way”
No ■■■■ sherlock.
Suedehead:
“Well ,for a start,i would"nt have come this way”
No [zb] sherlock.
classic
There used to be a bridge down there but ■■■■ it go anyway 
Muckaway:
No much use asking in Cotswold villages either. If it’s in the week the houses will be empty as they’re second homes for Londoners.
Or you might find some yokel who’ll answer like this…
“Straight down thar me duck, past the Carpenters Arms (closed in 1974). Turn at Mr Pikes cottage (hanged for murdering his mistress/sister in 1950), and drive half a mile until you reach the old station (closed in 1959 but yokels still blame Dr Beeching for it). Turn left at the old hangmans tree (died from Dutch Elm Disease) turn left and drive under the old railway bridge (11 foot height limit but combines go under it). Go past the aerodrome (closed following the atomic bomb drop on Hiroshima) and take a left. Or might be right. You should see the phonebox. Wait a minute it got knocked down by a kid in a Metro the day Diana died. Anyhow if you get to the manor house it’s not there but Mr Smith will know. Ask him, if he isn’t dead yet.”
You
+1 for over in eire…except for the accent and the fact that they will take your notes into the butchers shop,and spend 15 mins working out from the que where your going…by this time theres gridlock as youve blocked the village though nobody will seem to care…they will then come out enmasse to tell you that nobody knows…then proceed to tell you directions for someone upm the road who definately will know…there so helpfull in comparison to the uk that you havent the heart to drive away and ask someone else,though the jonjoe is the classic example to listen to for an example.
Drift:
I asked a local in Shrewsbury on the Wrekin for a farm I couldnt find, he told me “Yes this is the place, but its not the farm, go away”
So I trundled up and down the lane and passed an Austrian artic a couple of times going the opposite direction.
I decided to flag him down on number 3 passing, it was tight as hell on the country lane. I asked where he was going, wouldnt you know, the same place, the flt I had on the back was to unload him at this mysterious farm
After much map searching as no phone signal and sat navs where useless as a lane we needed was closed for resurfacing and Mr Austria decided HE was following me(fool)
So I found a route the old fashion way through an residential area with a 7.5t limit, at that point I didnt care, Mr Austria went nuts at the farm as he was not happy with the trees hitting his new cab.
I gotta say it was funny watching him doing a Faulty towers style rant and all the contractors howling laughing, I got away double quick
It’s no wonder you were lost…The Wrekin isn’t in Shrewsbury…
In another life as a bus driver I was on a route I didnt know and a rather nice bit of tottie got on, so I said if you show me the way you get a free ride,
She did, I learnt the route and had a rather successful couple of months of fun
I was taught the route but I was young and not paying attention, we had more fun hanging another trainee by the ankles on the passenger straps on the ceiling of the bus 
I loved the 80’s
Kate:
Drift:
I asked a local in Shrewsbury on the Wrekin for a farm I couldnt find, he told me “Yes this is the place, but its not the farm, go away”
So I trundled up and down the lane and passed an Austrian artic a couple of times going the opposite direction.
I decided to flag him down on number 3 passing, it was tight as hell on the country lane. I asked where he was going, wouldnt you know, the same place, the flt I had on the back was to unload him at this mysterious farm
After much map searching as no phone signal and sat navs where useless as a lane we needed was closed for resurfacing and Mr Austria decided HE was following me
So I found a route the old fashion way through an residential area with a 7.5t limit, at that point I didnt care, Mr Austria went nuts at the farm as he was not happy with the trees hitting his new cab.
I gotta say it was funny watching him doing a Faulty towers style rant and all the contractors howling laughing, I got away double quickIt’s no wonder you were lost…The Wrekin isn’t in Shrewsbury…
Wellllllllll near enough
Wellington, Telfordish, south of Liverpool
Drift:
Kate:
Drift:
I asked a local in Shrewsbury on the Wrekin for a farm I couldnt find, he told me “Yes this is the place, but its not the farm, go away”
So I trundled up and down the lane and passed an Austrian artic a couple of times going the opposite direction.
I decided to flag him down on number 3 passing, it was tight as hell on the country lane. I asked where he was going, wouldnt you know, the same place, the flt I had on the back was to unload him at this mysterious farm
After much map searching as no phone signal and sat navs where useless as a lane we needed was closed for resurfacing and Mr Austria decided HE was following me
So I found a route the old fashion way through an residential area with a 7.5t limit, at that point I didnt care, Mr Austria went nuts at the farm as he was not happy with the trees hitting his new cab.
I gotta say it was funny watching him doing a Faulty towers style rant and all the contractors howling laughing, I got away double quickIt’s no wonder you were lost…The Wrekin isn’t in Shrewsbury…
Wellllllllll near enough
Wellington, Telfordish, south of Liverpool
Like people from Dudley, West Bromwich etc saying they’re not Brummies according to them they don’t even talk with the same dopey accent. They all sound the same to me.
Drift:
I was taught the route but I was young and not paying attention, we had more fun hanging another trainee by the ankles on the passenger straps on the ceiling of the bus
I loved the 80’s
Lol.
In my late teens (1979ish) I worked at Waitrose, Leighton Buzzard & I had a ‘Slave’ called Gary, I Hung him up by his coat collar on a Meat Hook in the freezer once-Mafia Style. Left him there for about 10 minutes in the dark. (Still be there now if I hadn’t helped him down)
Ahh- the Fun we Had !
There is a reason why you shouldn’t ask a local for directions
If it was me I wouldn’t start from here.
threewheelsonmywagon:
Anybody remember asking “Charlie” for directions in Swindon on the cb years ago? It was a real education to listen to him giving direction to half a dozen drivers at the same time.
Never found out anything about him, but his local knowledge was encyclopaedic, to say the least.
If its the same Charlie, he lived on the brow of Blunsdon hill.
I made the mistake of asking someone in Peterlee why he had a Geordie accent.
The-Snowman:
I couldnt find a place up way up north of Aberdeen a couple of years ago. Some tiny village. I asked one of the locals and I got,in thick northern Scottish accent,
“Och aye,its jist doon roond the coorner up bin paas them coos. Gy richt pas the wee shoppe an its richt on yer richt haun side,ken?” [emoji38]
Furry boots whar ye looking far ay?
Muckaways post about asking locals in the Cotswolds, is the funniest post of the year and so true, they give all the history at each turn point.
I have no phone signal, as the farm is deep in a Dorset valley.
With signal I call the farmer, where are you, can’t find the farm ?
Keys are left in the tractor, you will have to tip the load yourself, as I got to go to the market today, he replies.
If it is handball, the whole family suddenly have bad backs or disappear when you show up.
They never tie their dogs up, or lock the doors in the farm house.
Ahhh the good ol days of chancing it and asking village folk directions:
I’ve had:
‘I know where that is mate but I can’t direct you from here’
‘I know where that is but I wouldn’t start from here’.
‘I think I know where that is…’ Now the game of truckers roulette begins, either take a chance they do know or ask someone else.
‘I used to drive trucks…’ OMG brace yourself for 10 minutes on the eaton twin splitter and the good old days when drivers where drivers and sheep where worried.
Sure theres others but trying to memorise the route from a sneaky peak at the local A-Z at the services without buying it had its downside, in the end I just bought the bugger and had a quite a collection a one point.
Had one on Friday. Was looking for a farm in south Devon, got to a private track that looked on the map like it led to the place I wanted. There was a woman parked in her car blocking the entrance so I got out and said to her, excuse me I think I need to go up there, I’m delivering to the farm. Oh no she said, there’s no farm up there. You need to go back to the main road turn left, take the next left and then it’s up there somewhere. Well after 45 minutes of searching decided to go back to where the woman had told me I was in the wrong place and try it anyway. Guess what, 100 yards up the track round a blind bend was a big sod off farm. Stupid bloody cow!
