Another Joke!

[tc]

A Man goes for a job in the Quality Assurance department at Durex. The foreman takes him 'round the plant and shows him all the machinery and offers him the job. What will the role entail exactly ?" Asks the man.

“Well”, says the foreman, “you have to check one in a hundred”, and proceeds to remove one of the rubbers from the production line, stretches it, holds it up to the lights, then places it over his manhood, then calls the secretary over. She proceeds to hitch her skirt up, pull her knickers down and bends over. The foreman does the business and after he’s finished he removes the Durex, stretches it, holds it up to the light again to confirm no holes. “Easy as that”, he says.

“When do I start ?” Asks the man, unable to believe his luck.

"Monday, 8:00 sharp !

Naturally, our hero hardly sleeps a wink all Sunday night, and is outside the Durex factory waiting to get in at 6 :30. Anyway, the production line starts up and the man faithfully counts out 100 ribbed black mambo’s (lubricated with sensodol for extra comfort)

He picks up the 101st, stretches it, holds it up to the light to check for holes then pulls it over his manhood and calls the secretary over. Over she comes, grabs hold of his manhood, and starts to rigorously ■■■■■■■■■■ him.

Rather startled and confused, the man just looks at the secretary who says… Sorry, it’s company policy. you’ve got to work a week in hand"

[innit]

thats funny, now i,ve got to explain it to the missus, may a demo is required ,lol

[jammymutt]

Three tortoises, Mick, Alan and Les, decide to go on a picnic.
So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble
is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get
there.

When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. “Ok Les
Give me the bottle opener.”

“I didn’t bring it,” says Les. “I thought you packed it.”
Mick gets worried, He turns to Alan, “Did you bring the bottle
opener??”

Naturally Alan didn’t bring it. So they’re stuck ten miles from
Home without a bottle opener. Mick and Alan beg Les to go back for
It, but he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches.

After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise
Lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.
So Les sets off down the road at a steady pace. Twenty days
pass and he still isn’t back and Mick and Alan are starving, but a
promise is a promise. Another five days and he still isn’t back, but a
promise is a promise. Finally they can’t take it any longer so they take
out a
Sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Les pops up from
behind a rock
and shouts…

“I KNEW IT’…I’M NOT {zb}ING GOING!”

[jb]

very good. i like this post!

[metalhead10]

George W Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

“I don’t know what to do here,” says the Devil. “You’re on my list but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got three folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”

George W thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The Devil opened the first room: In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

“No!” George said. " I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and don’t think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room: In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a pile of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
“No, I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!”’ commented George.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms folded behind his head, and his legs spreadeagled and tied to stakes. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, “Yeah, I can handle this.”

The Devil smiled and said, “OK, Monica, you’re free to go!”

[metalhead10]

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search!

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

[tartanraider]

V.G. Metal… Now I’m one of those computer greenhorns is there any way you can forward that to me so I can share it round my corner of the planet?

[metalhead10]

tartanraider:
V.G. Metal… Now I’m one of those computer greenhorns is there any way you can forward that to me so I can share it round my corner of the planet?

you have mail at msn

[jammymutt]

edited as it breaks several TruckNetUK rules

mrs mix

[mrs_mix]

Please be very careful here guys the odd bit of risque is fine if it get’s to near the line it will be moved or locked.
Thankyou.

pam

[bully]

How many times do I have to say it■■? PLEASE KEEP THE JOKES CLEAN! I’m getting tired of people degrading this forum with filth

Bully

[jammymutt]

I cant remember the joke , but hey im used to having my my posts removed.

.

[tc]

jammymutt:
I cant remember the joke , but hey im used to having my my posts removed.

.

I can and it was GOOD