Advice needed urgently

[robroy]

Just got changed to go out for a mixed grill and a pint, and my boy rang me with the terrible news…Boris has shut the pubs!

Had a dig in the fridge and found something to knock up a meal.
Piri piri chicken pasta, jacket tatie, salad, coleslaw and cream cheese, no ■■■■ Stella left though! but at least it was healthier if ■■■■ all else.

Anyhoo…need some tips for the foreseeable future on endurance test stylee cab rat tramping, as I ain’t familiar with the techniques.
So…
Where are the best totally unsuitable lay bys, (and most expensive msa to get the full benefit of the experience.)

How do I know when to pull my mirrors in, is it the suicidal width of 2’’ off the side of the trunk road, or is there a tolerance of 12 ‘’ (answer in metric if preferred)

What flavour pot noodle is recommended.

Pepsi or Coke?

Am I allowed to set off bang on my 9 hours off, or does it have to be a couple of seconds plus?

What kind of carrier bag is best suited for ■■■■■■■■ in?

Tesco or Asda baby wipes for full body washing?

Does cab rocking help you or prevent you from getting a good kip?

Do I get out if the scrotes are in the adjacent field to lay by, nicking my fuel.
(Btw…Got a baseball bat on board btw…in case they fancy a game instead)

This could go on for months so any advice off you seasoned experts in this lifestyle will be gratefully received.
Cheers.

( Sorry I’m bored ok?, …like I said, pub shut and to add insult to injury only ■■■■ Coronation St on my telly. )

[simcor]

Coke not Pepsi you uncouth neanderthal.

[emoji23]

[jimmy_mcnulty]

Pubs can still be open tonight, until closing time

[robroy]

simcor:
Coke not Pepsi you uncouth neanderthal.

[emoji23]

Ok fair enough, but ‘The Guvnor’ on all this (aka dozy) recommends Lilt.
(Best for washing down 3 days old Ginsters pies he reckons. )

[robroy]

Jimmy McNulty:
Pubs can still be open tonight, until closing time

Not the one I was going to isn’t… I rang em when the boy told me. .
(The only one in town that does a decent scran as well)

[benjie83]

Bags for life fella.

Rinse em out in the ditches as ideally you wanna be down lane parking as you can forage berries, and bat some wildlife to death for food, then it’s scavenge fuel for the pit barb you’ll be digging to cook over.

Won’t need to worry about mirrors as no ones about…
If you hear rustling outside, grab your baby wipes as it could be a dogging spot which would be handy for entertainment purposes on the lonely nights, an will also facilitate you having a squeeky tip so as to pass the regs upon rdc adventure testing.

The rest of your queries are non relevant as the above will cover all your needs for the foreseeable future until your firm close and the wagon becomes smelt for the machines that’ll replace you.

You’ll be reeeet your a northerner, you boys eat coal an live in caves so if anyone can survive it’ll be you [emoji106][emoji482]

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[therealnasa]

robroy:
Just got changed to go out for a mixed grill and a pint, and my boy rang me with the terrible news…Boris has shut the pubs!

Had a dig in the fridge and found something to knock up a meal.
Piri piri chicken pasta, jacket tatie, salad, coleslaw and cream cheese, no [zb] Stella left though! but at least it was healthier if [zb] all else.

Anyhoo…need some tips for the foreseeable future on endurance test stylee cab rat tramping, as I ain’t familiar with the techniques.
So…
Where are the best totally unsuitable lay bys, (and most expensive msa to get the full benefit of the experience.)

How do I know when to pull my mirrors in, is it the suicidal width of 2’’ off the side of the trunk road, or is there a tolerance of 12 ‘’ (answer in metric if preferred)

What flavour pot noodle is recommended.

Pepsi or Coke?

Am I allowed to set off bang on my 9 hours off, or does it have to be a couple of seconds plus?

What kind of carrier bag is best suited for ■■■■■■■■ in?

Tesco or Asda baby wipes for full body washing?

Does cab rocking help you or prevent you from getting a good kip?

Do I get out if the scrotes are in the adjacent field to lay by, nicking my fuel.
(Btw…Got a baseball bat on board btw…in case they fancy a game instead)

This could go on for months so any advice off you seasoned experts in this lifestyle will be gratefully received.
Cheers.

( Sorry I’m bored ok?, …like I said, pub shut and to add insult to injury only [zb] Coronation St on my telly. )

Just come up to Bonnie Scotland for a couple of months Rob, I’m currently parked in the middle of nowhere, just off the main road so it’s nice and quiet, beautiful views, a lovely homemade dinner bunged in the microwave but unfortunately I had no beers. And when I get up tomorrow morning the roads will be dead.

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[3_wheeler]

Take a ball to go with the bat, then it’s not a weapon but part of your fitness regime .
So I heard …

Or perhaps start doing deliveries to shops and get to the cages first!

[david5l]

Shelves are empty so I can’t buy food to take with me.
Pubs and restaurants, including some truck stop cafes are closed so I can’t buy meals out.
To make matters worse or kitchen has been ripped out and new one ain’t being fitted till 30th.
Time to go on a diet I think

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[dipper_dave]

Sorry Rob speed read but I think any lay by near Welford on the A14 will meat your requirements, dogging not needed as a take away BJ is available.

Please avoid Rothwell truckstop as we trying to keep the riff raff out and it’s my new home from home.

Co-op baby wipes excellent, I need just the one to fully clean my tip and avoid awkward questions from wife on crusty undercrackers, sure you know what I mean .

[robroy]

Dipper_Dave:
Sorry Rob speed read but I think any lay by near Welford on the A14 will meat your requirements, dogging not needed as a take away BJ is available.

Please avoid Rothwell truckstop as we trying to keep the riff raff out and it’s my new home from home.

Co-op baby wipes excellent, I need just the one to fully clean my tip and avoid awkward questions from wife on crusty undercrackers, sure you know what I mean .

Nice to have you back Dave…Where tf ya been man??
Your sense of humour is needed on here with some of the miserable depressed ■■■■ doom merchants we presently have on, over this ■■■■ Corona stuff.
I’ve just been reading the ‘‘Eerie’’ thread, and I feel like slashing my ■■■■ wrists.
Your trademark innuendo filth is greatly appreciated.

[therealnasa]

I was wondering where Dipper Dave had been I can’t wait to hear your tips for self isolation[emoji23]

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[dipper_dave]

Cheers lads,
Sure it’s been covered but as someone who self isolates a lot, twice yesterday/once this morning we really have to push the boat out this time.

Not talking the well known rubber gloves and snorkel technique which although a good starting point may not give one the necessary protection whilst self isolating themselves.

Instead I’m currently going with a naked clingfilm wrap method c/w baby oil and the cat who is my side kick during intense self isolating moments. Works well so far especially when mixing with a snorkel.

Also very important to follow the govt guidelines when rubbing down with sannitizer gel, it’s lube properties are limited so for longer rubs I recommend a squirt of shampoo.

Hopefully more tips to follow but we really need to go for it now not just a quick selfy while the wife pops to the shops.

[nite_owl]

Dipper_Dave:
Cheers lads,
Sure it’s been covered but as someone who self isolates a lot, twice yesterday/once this morning we really have to push the boat out this time.

Not talking the well known rubber gloves and snorkel technique which although a good starting point may not give one the necessary protection whilst self isolating themselves.

Instead I’m currently going with a naked clingfilm wrap method c/w baby oil and the cat who is my side kick during intense self isolating moments. Works well so far especially when mixing with a snorkel.

Also very important to follow the govt guidelines when rubbing down with sannitizer gel, it’s lube properties are limited so for longer rubs I recommend a squirt of shampoo.

Hopefully more tips to follow but we really need to go for it now not just a quick selfy while the wife pops to the shops.