These phrases were actually found on signs across america 
In the front yard of a funeral home, “Drive
carefully, we’ll wait.”
On an electrician’s truck, “Let us remove
your shorts.”
Outside a radiator repair shop, “Best place
in town to take a leak.”
In a non-smoking area, “If we see you
smoking, we will assume you are on fire and
take appropriate action.”
On a maternity room door, “Push, Push, Push.”
On a front door, “Everyone on the premises is
a vegetarian except the dog.”
At an optometrist’s office, “If you don’t see
what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the
right place.”
On a taxidermist’s window, “We really know
our stuff.”
On a butcher’s window, “Let me meat your
needs.”
On a fence, “Salesmen welcome. Dog food is
expensive.”
At a car dealership, “The best way to get
back on your feet - miss a car payment.”
Outside a muffler shop, “No appointment
necessary. We’ll hear you coming.”
In a dry cleaner’s emporium, “Drop your pants
here.”
On a desk in a reception room, “We shoot
every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just
left.”
In a veterinarian’s waiting room, “Be back in
5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
At the electric company, “We would be
delighted if you send in your bill. However,
if you don’t, you will be.”
In a Beauty Shop, “Dye now!”
On the side of a garbage truck, “We’ve got
what it takes to take what you’ve got.”
In a restaurant window, “Don’t stand there
and be hungry, come in and get fed up.”
Inside a bowling alley, “Please be quiet. We
need to hear a pindrop.”
