Not looking for sympathy guys, just need to share my experience with you all. Maybe it has happened to one of you who can explain to me how to deal with it.
Wednesday evening 4.30ish on the A421 in Buckingham heading east towards the Tesco roundabout. Its dark, wet, the streetlights are on and the traffic is fairly heavy but moving well 30 to 35 mph. Saw a pedestrian walking down the pavement towards me, back to watching the traffic. Next thing I saw was a shape moving left into the road. No time to brake, no time to avoid. It was a lady and she died. Why she came out at me I may never know. If she tripped she would have gone forwards, so was it deliberate? The police were great, very sympathetic and helpful. They have my dashcam so may get an answer. Won’t say too much more, but take it easy out there guys, it doesn’t take much to cause you a lot of pain and sorrow. Always wary of kids and dogs on pavements, but a single adult on a wide pavement - never gave her a thought at the time. Believe me I am thinking of her and her family now.
My sympathies to you and the family of the woman, from another ex member of the RN.
Unfortunately it’s that time of the year.
People do things they don’t really know why they do them.
Easy to say to get on with life but that’s all you can do.
I’m not being callous but the more you think about it and for her family the harder it’ll be for you.
That’s tragic all around mate! 
And while the family is suffering, so are you…
Think about getting some counselling mate, as it’s likely to eat away at you and while talking to someone about it is no magic bullet, it might help…
Best of luck!
Sorry to hear that BP, sounds like you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Condolences to the lady’s family, and try not to beat yourself up over it, easier said than done I know.
I had near exactly the same happen to me in 2003, a young girl ran out on me and died at the scene , it didn’t initially bother me as I knew I did nothing wrong but it came back to haunt me with ptsd a few years later.
If you need to talk send me a pm.
That’s an awful thing to happen to you mate just going about your days work and you most definitely have my sympathy as do the family of the deceased.
I hope it doesn’t affect you to too much and you can move on
There is nothing you can do for this poor lady or her family, you need to concentrate on yourself and your own family. This is just as challenging as those moments of extreme personal danger you experienced during long term military service. Only you will know how you dealt with those occasions. Meanwhile make the most of Christmas.
Have confidence that the dashcam footage will show that there was absolutely nothing you could have done.
Great respect for you mate to share such a terrible experience. I hope it doesn’t trouble you too much, and I think it was Harry who mentioned being in the wrong place at the wrong time. +1 on that.
Just plain bad luck to have involved you. Best wishes.
feel for you fella, an awful thing to happen at the worst time of the year,… not that there is a good time of course.
i had similar happen years ago, as said nothing you can do wrong place wrong time… but seriously take the advise of talking about it, counselling with the right people… dont bottle it up… we all need help at some time…
good luck…
Drift:
I had near exactly the same happen to me in 2003, a young girl ran out on me and died at the scene , it didn’t initially bother me as I knew I did nothing wrong but it came back to haunt me with ptsd a few years later.
If you need to talk send me a pm.
Jeezo! Sir you have done well to get back behind the wheel . Without a doubt i wouldnt have . Did you get counciling or something from work to get you back?.
Respect to op .
I had a death at work where my pal had his head crushed under a wheel. I was first on scene and 11 years on it still gets me emotional.
Nothing will alter what happened and only time will help you deal with it in your own way. Talk to someone professional and get support even if you feel you can cope.
I found it easier to cope with the loss of my mum than the death of a pal in work, maybe the circumstances are harder to piece together when you least expect it?
Good luck fella.
I really don’t think you should be posting anything on the subject till a few year down the line. Or at least till you’re officially cleared.
My night driver ran over a suicide bridge jumper and his on anti depressive pills, the trauma was terrible, the body was horrific with limbs off and his head.
I give dog walkers and prams a wide berth if there is room to move over .
Another night driver had a truck go in to his trailer in motorway road works, the guy who hit him was split in half and the unit was in the trailer .
Another driver had a guy commit suicide by driving under his truck in his car.
Seek professional help, there is no shame in taking medication for depression and Post traumatic stress disorder .
What sad news.
Best wishes pal.
Don’t beat yourself up Bud, it was an accident beyond your control .
These things happen, look at the Captain of the cruise ship who had an elderly passenger fall of his ship, he turned around for a search but now presumed deceased .
He must feel bad now.
Then there is Lucasz Urban, the man was a true legend, refusing to hand over his bosses lorry to low life pond scum .
Look at how much money has been raised on Go fund me by folks who didn’t know Lucasz .
Then there is Phillip Potter, cleared of manslaughter charges and dangerous driving in the Bath tipper crash .
Have a good Christmas and prosperous New Year, move on, let it go .
Take a holiday in the sun .
Really feel for you mate, a horrible thing for you to have to go through.
Don’t dismiss the idea of counselling, most of the people you talk to, family and friends etc., won’t necessarily understand what you’re going through.
Victa1:
Drift:
I had near exactly the same happen to me in 2003, a young girl ran out on me and died at the scene , it didn’t initially bother me as I knew I did nothing wrong but it came back to haunt me with ptsd a few years later.
If you need to talk send me a pm.Jeezo! Sir you have done well to get back behind the wheel . Without a doubt i wouldnt have . Did you get counciling or something from work to get you back?.
Respect to op .
Thank you.
It nearly cost me everything a few years later.
I gave up driving and went for an office job for 8 years, in that time my stepson at 8 years old got cancer (thriving smart 22 year old now 
) and I had my first daughter very shortly after that. About a year later after my daughter was born my life settled down and I then developed ptsd.
This nearly killed me and my marriage, I went for
Cognitive behavioral therapy.
I had the crisis team on call for a period as things got that bad, I was on the tablets (various) but I decided they where not helping and weaned off them against psychologists and physiatrist advice.
This worked for me though it was tough and sometimes it’s still not easy but I feel stronger than ever.
I took up driving again about four years ago and enjoy it more than ever, though I do find I am hyper aware and a bit more aggressive towards divies on the road.
Every person deals with things like this differently but I beg you not to bottle up your feelings and to talk, I didn’t and I know of others the same, it nearly ruined my life but in hindsight I got lucky with the help and most of all my family who where and are fantastically strong for me.
My heart goes out to you and your family and the poor soul that was lost.
Drift:
Victa1:
Drift:
I had near exactly the same happen to me in 2003, a young girl ran out on me and died at the scene , it didn’t initially bother me as I knew I did nothing wrong but it came back to haunt me with ptsd a few years later.
If you need to talk send me a pm.Jeezo! Sir you have done well to get back behind the wheel . Without a doubt i wouldnt have . Did you get counciling or something from work to get you back?.
Respect to op .
Thank you.
It nearly cost me everything a few years later.
I gave up driving and went for an office job for 8 years, in that time my stepson at 8 years old got cancer (thriving smart 22 year old now
This nearly killed me and my marriage, I went for
Cognitive behavioral therapy.
I had the crisis team on call for a period as things got that bad, I was on the tablets (various) but I decided they where not helping and weaned off them against psychologists and physiatrist advice.
This worked for me though it was tough and sometimes it’s still not easy but I feel stronger than ever.
I took up driving again about four years ago and enjoy it more than ever, though I do find I am hyper aware and a bit more aggressive towards divies on the road.Every person deals with things like this differently but I beg you not to bottle up your feelings and to talk, I didn’t and I know of others the same, it nearly ruined my life but in hindsight I got lucky with the help and most of all my family who where and are fantastically strong for me.
My heart goes out to you and your family and the poor soul that was lost.
The world is a lonely place when you feel you can’t talk to someone and be remotely understood. Despite all the ballywack that goes on here, no man is an island.
I wish you well op, and I hope you allow yourself to go and talk to someone who is trained if things start getting odd. These things usually take time to settle in once the brain starts to process what it’s been through.
All the best mate. You don’t have to carry this on your own.
Them pavements on the 421 by tescos are absolutely pathetic I always cross the line a bit just to give that extra bit of room… And I think a speed limit of 40 mph is way to fast going down there…