Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some
hot action!
So I sent her my ironing. That’ll keep her busy.
I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard
and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.
Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on Friday this year”. Mick said, “Let’s hope it’s
not the 13th then.”
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to hoover the
house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any
worse, I’ll have to let her in.
I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only
intended to rough him up a bit.
A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school
play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years.
The dad says, “Never mind son, maybe next year you’ll get a speaking part.” 
