A man walks into a bar.
Ouch !
It was an iron bar.
Piece of red tarmac walks into a pub. One bloke says to his mate “don’t mess with him he’s a cyclepath.”
What’s got six wheels and fly’s…A dustbin truck. 
mushroomman:
What’s got six wheels and fly’s…A dustbin truck.
Hahaha. I like that. Lol
Got up. Did toilet, washed, cleaned teeth, brushed hair, shaved. Did “Times” crossword. Shaved.
Got up. Did toilet, washed, cleaned teeth, brushed hair, shaved. Toilet looks much nicer now.
A major International company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of the world.
In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer would get the job.
The question was: A man and a woman are in bed, ■■■■. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman’s back. What is the man’s name? After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers.
The first, from Canada , says “My answer is, there IS no answer.”
The second, from England , says “My answer is that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given.”
The third one, from Scotland , says “I’m not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names.
It’s either: Willie Turner or Willie Nailer.” The Scotsman got the job
I did a survey recently and asked 100 women what shampoo they preffered. The number one answer was “Get the ■■■■ out of my shower you ■■■■■■■ pervert. Howd you get in here?”
Was at a party at the weekend. The DJ played “sit down” and we sat down. He played Jump Around so we jumped around. Then he played come on Eileen and the bouncers kicked us out
I got the sack from HMV. A customer asked me “What have you got by the doors?”. Apparently “A bucket of sand and a fire extinguser” wasnt what he wanted to hear
I got the sack from the restaurant I used to work in as well. Couple came in and said “We dont eat gluten. dairy, soy, eggs or nuts. What do you recommend we get?”. “The ■■■■ out” didnt go down as well as I expected