Oh and people that call me ‘drriiiive’
Having to make small talk - I’m crap, therefore everyone else should carry the conversation, then we would both be happy instead of sitting in uncomfortable silence.
Anyone who hasn’t seen the Star Wars films - I’ve got no time for them.
People who have more than 1 sugar in any hot drink - I asked if you wanted tea/coffee/hot chocolate, not a hot sugary drink, I might as well have heated you a coke.
People who don’t move off the fuel pump if they are buying their weekly shop at Tescos Express too - seriously, just remember your pump number and amount of fuel, it’s not rocket science.
Ladies that wear too much slap when they are already gorgeous - you are not making yourself look better.
Anybody that bumps into me and doesn’t say sorry - be British, smile awkwardly, apologise, and carry on your day. That means I won’t want rip your eyeballs out of their sockets and eat them.
and Ant & Dec
Taylor Swift-Screaming Wailing (Rich) Banshee !
Silly little Side Under Run Bars on Maritimes Skelly Trailers. (What’s the point ?)
Sugar from the pound shop- it’s not sugar, it’s powder !
My laptop- because it’s ■■■■■■■ about & I don’t want to buy a new one.
Driving in London-because it’s full of COCKneys & Immigrants.
Jack Daniels-the bottles aren’t big enough.
Ewals driver-for pulling in front of me, 6 ft from my windscreen on the M25 this morning.
Trucks that are lane one.
I am pushing tin in lane two.
Muppet in lane one does a short indicator sequence and pulls out in lane two leaving me no option to swerve out in lane three to avoid an accident.
Read the Highway Code on slowing another vehicle.
Or It’s direction.
Just about ALL of the above except
Alan Davies,I’m a bit of a Jonathan Creek saddo…( Julia Sawalha ) actually 
And fat birds in clingy leggings ?..live and let live I say 
Bottles of p!$$ left in lay-bys or just flung out the window,ditto knotted bags of rubbish,if you’ve went to all the trouble of neatly packaging your gash why can’t you just cart it about till you find a bin 
The media always report that a dog walker discovered the dead body.
A dog walker was witness to a voracious attack.
Who are these dog walkers : ,Spooks ?
Annoying sales tv adverts, you must buy a sofa on Boxing day.
English that lie down on a beach on a hot day, wearing clothes, or they roll up their trousers to make them in to shorts.
People that say it is too hot in the Summer and too cold in the Winter.
Dog owners that talk to their dog and believe it actually understands?
Dog ■■■ bags thrown in hedges.
Highways Agency that cause chaos ,miles of tail backs for a minor bump in the hard shoulder,rubber neckers think they are the Police, so slow down.
Fatal accidents that shut the road, in some cases for 12 hours, what takes so long to investigate.
Thick swans that think a road is river and land on a road.
Drivers that swerve to avoid small animals, they nearly cause an accident, but at least the squirrel survived, or a rabbit.
Bloated dead badgers left in the road with their legs facing up in the air.
Pheasants that decide to take off in front of you.
Car headlights with eye brows.
Signs on cars that say powered by fairy dust or baby on board.
Tv weather lady presenters dressed like they are going to a ball or night clubbing.
That Blond Bimbo on benefits Britain with 8 Sprogs & an absent (on the sidelines) A’Hole of a partner, collecting 2 grand a month from our taxes & expecting a bigger house because she’s ■■■■ out so many Sprogs & even got a Bloody Dog. Grrrrrrrrrrrr !
Best thing for her would have been a womb removal at 16 (although she’d have probably already have had 4 Sprogs by then)
Vast areas of sites cordoned off for “tree protection.”
Great Crested Newts. Do these practically invisible/mythical creatures cure cancer or something? Stop developments, quarries, railways etc and put up loads of silly plastic fencing for months on end, during which time nobody sees them and the world carries on regardless.
Labourers who wash every inch of your tyres before you can leave, whilst you’re sat in a puddle of mud.
Schools with stupid delivery times like "no access before 8am, no access 8.15-9. (site tea break 10-10.30) “no access 10.45-11 (kids coming out for pe), no access 12-1, no access 2-3.30”.
The school has to have it’s essential extension to it’s art block though.
WHSmith always asking if I want out of date confectionary, and charging for a carrier bag but throw loads of worthless paper vouchers at me.
People who arrive at a checkout with the means to pay their hands. Shoot on sight from now on.
People who drive up to a barrier at a car park and have lost their chip coin. Do not block up what is sometimes the only exit, and then start looking for it. Instantaneous death is too good for them.
Train passengers that shout out loud that they are on a train when answering theie poxy mobile phones.
Dog owners that say their dog is normally well behaved and not aggressive after it has jumped on you or bit you.
Dogs wearing winter coats.
happysack:
Cats
Vanessa Feltz
Dole scroungers
Benefit cheats
Radicalised Muslims
These can all be solved by feeding them some antifreeze.
toby1234abc:
Train passengers that shout out loud that they are on a train when answering theie poxy mobile phones.
Dog owners that say their dog is normally well behaved and not aggressive after it has jumped on you or bit you.
Dogs wearing winter coats.
My whippet wears a barbour wax coat with a cord collar 
Charity Muggers. Had someone knock on my door last night apparently from Anthony Nolan. I say apparently as I say “no” before they’ve finished saying who it is as this avoids any sales pitching. I normally don’t answer the front door at tea time but we had a parcel for nextdoor.
Which brings me onto my next rant…
Being a freight forwarder for her nextdoor. If she’s got enough time on her hands to ■■■■ about on Ebay, then she can stay in and wait for her tat to be delivered.
And one as Christmas Day approaches…
Big Issue Sellers dressed as a homeless, drug addicted Santa. I don’t care if it is Christmas, I’d wipe my arse with a stinging nettle before I buy your magazine.
Meat flavour mini cheddars that are supposedly made with “real cheese”
F_reds, that is a nice photo of the dog wearing a homemade Christmas jumper.
At this time of year , I am sure we can make acceptions.
Bernard Mathews turkey ham!! Wtf is that about,you get ham from a pig and turkey from a- eh- turkey I know Norfolk has a reputation for being a bit,well, “different” but I didn’t think they had mutant purkeys or maybe tigs running around too 
Tv adverts that use purple dye to simulate real blood and pour it into tampons to say how much more liquid they can hold.What is so wrong in using the colour red ?