I’m fairly certain that when my time comes to stand before The Almighty in judgement, I’ll be denied access to heaven. In fact, He’ll probably say Hell is too good for me and send me to Litchfield for all eternity. So it is with faint hope that I seek a little redemption from my brother (and sister) truckers.
Not too long ago I was heading back to the yard after a bit of a nightmare run. I’d decided to pull over for twenty minutes for a quick power nap in an attempt to recharge my batteries. This was all well and good, but unfortunately the tiny detour I’d taken to find a suitable ■■■■■■■■■■■■ meant that I’d be less than five minutes short of reaching the yard. It wasnt long before I hatched a plan that would get me home with minimal delay.
So it was that eventually I reached Caernby Corner services, and bearing in mind it was still the early hours of the morning, put my tacho on break whilst I filled up! Now, this isn’t what I seek redemption for brother (and sister) truckers. You see, whilst the nozzle was in the tank, I went for a walk and a smoke. Upon completing fueling, I went for a walk, a smoke and to the toilet. After all that, I went to pay for my fuel and did a little shopping whilst I was there. Pretty much as I do on any break I take in the services. So I don’t seek redemption there either.
It was what happened next that could well condemn me to Lichfield for the rest of time.
As I walked back to my truck, another lorry was pulling in behind me. I gave the driver a cheery wave and climbed into my cab. Looking up I could see my clock ticking from 27 minutes to 28. Should I drive off and delay my return for the sake of two minutes I asked myself. “He’ll no” was the reply inside my head. I started the engine up and revved the nuts off it, to simulate a low air tank. That’s horrible I hear you cry. It gets worse. I jumped out of my cab and pulled the red suzie before jumping back into my cab for a bit more revving action. That’s unforgivable, I hear you cry. It gets worse. I jumped back out the cab to reconnect the suzie when the driver of the lorry behind me jumps out of his cab.
“Sorry about this” I said, 'trailers got an air leak".
“No worries mate” came the reply, " I thought you were one of those cockwombles who takes a break on the pump".
Now as despicable as all this sounds, it is for what I said next that I seek forgiveness for, because I said “oh no mate, I’m not one of THOSE ■■■■■■■■■
So, as I sit here in a designated parking space in woodhall services, pondering my fate, awaiting my day in the (distant I hope) future when He Who Knows All decides my fate, I ask you, my brother (and sister) truckers, the very people one of whom I wronged, to help me sleep a little at night, to give me hope that I won’t have to endure the never ending purgatory of Lichfield.
I ask you, do you forgive me?
What sort of tacho roll are you putting in yours■■?
shocking 
