had it done 10yrs ago malc
best they dont try and break traction by putting you in the swimming pool. wont tell you what happens next to spare you the pain 
r slicker:
had it done 10yrs ago malcbest they dont try and break traction by putting you in the swimming pool. wont tell you what happens next to spare you the pain
Me too Brian. I had my right hip replaced in 2001, the reason for this one being so knackered was that it has done the work of 2 hips for over 50 years. I was born with legg calve perthes disease, which is a condition where the bones do not get a blood supply. mine was diagnosed when I was 3 years old but it took another 43 years to operate.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind donât matter and those who matter donât mind.
The Aftermath
Two Weeks Later
So where were we, oh yes! I was between 2 planets in a chemical induced imbalance with a melange of Marstonâs Pedigree thrown in.
10 days after leaving hospital having had time to gather my thoughts and essential equipment into one corner of my flat I have put them onto paper.
Day 5 was a blur for the above reasons. I had my friend stay over to pander to my every whim, wet wipe my brow, lift my leg onto or off a cushion, stick a pillow between my knees and generally fuss around me. I normally sleep on my side in foetal mode until tonight, now I am propped against the wall staring at the ceiling for at least 6 weeks. Tilt the head back and feel sick, sit up and my legs just fill with fluid and ache like hell.
Following surgery it is normal to be fitted with Thrombo Embolus Deterrent Stockings. (TEDS) These are knee length socks which are very tight and it is easier to perform dentistry on a psychotic pit bull than fit them. These prevent blood clots forming and are the things recommended when you fly long distances. While in hospital I had my wound dressed by a couple of former soviet guards in nurseâs tunics as they wonât stand any nonsense. They found I was allergic to one of the types of dressing and it caused several small blisters. This delayed my departure from hospital by one day but an outreach team was organised, these are the ladies from the hospital who travel to patients homes to change dressings, TEDS and generally keep an eye on the patient for a few days.
Day 6 and I had slept about 2 hours and spent the rest of the night between the computer and the toilet. It was also 7 days since I had eaten a bacon sandwich so by 5am I am persuading my friend to make one served with steaming sweet tea. That was after I had bullied her to get off Facebook, stop feeding her fish and performing mindless â â â with the neighbours from the virtual world of Farmville.
Amongst my loaned equipment from the rapists department is a small tea trolley which doubles as a walking frame. It allows me to transport hot plates or even pans around the house at groin height, this has two castor wheels at the front and two fixed wheels below the handles which make it very sturdy and manoeuvrable. Unfortunately our shared Westie was bullied as an 8 week old puppy by a dustbin man and a wheelie bin; he hates anything with wheels, whether it is in the house or a poor unfortunate child passing the house in a push chair. The dog goes manic and has the brain cell of an amoeba So when I eventually get my sizzling sandwich and hot tea to my loaned high seat, it isnât sizzling or hot, the dog suddenly remembers he loves me and gazes into my eyes until I have given him half my breakfast. He then forgets I fed him, attacks my ankles, my trolley and my toes as I try to be helpful and clear my pots away.
My nurse calls round and inspects my operated area while my friend draws blood with her false nails by trying to pick adhesive off my bum. Suitably redressed with a padded dressing the nurse then attempts to wrestle with my TEDS to change them for me. My friend watches with interest as I have informed her that this will be her job for the next 5 weeks. Luckily I managed to get 3 pairs of stockings so the job will not be quite as bad as expected, changing socks after 2 or 3 days is when you really find out who your friends are. I suppose one of the after effects of the drugs I am on is that it gives me flaky skin although improving by the day my legs beneath the stockings were a bit dry. The nurse had washed my legs & feet and then allowed me to dry them in the air for 30 mins maximum before the socks go back on. During this time we chatted and had another cup of tea, she said she would put some cream on my legs if I thought it would help. Now the only thing I have in this house is a bottle of Anne Summers massage oil which was a birthday present. Most of it is still in the bottle such is my life at the moment. However the nurse didnât think this was a good idea so she went to her car and brought me some Oil of Oley, Ulay or whatever they call it nowadays.
Day 7.
My sleeping patterns are improving. I can now fall asleep at the computer while still moving my mouse but then only go to bed for about 2 hours, hence irregular posting times on Trucknet. However last night I went to bed and slept for 7 hours before my toilet needs were realised. Anyone in hospital will be aware of the reasons of daily questioning. Have you had your bowels open today? Well you can only lie for about 4 days as they now scan you with a handheld baby monitor and see if you are fibbing. In hospital I didnât lie, instead I ordered for my tea one evening Goat Curry with Marley Vegetables. The curry was beautiful, the advantage of living in a cosmopolitan multi cultural area. Marley-esque vegetables can be anything as long as they are the requisite Rastafarian colours of Red, Yellow and Green. However I lay in my own bed & realised that apart from one evacuation in Hospital it was now 7 days since I had visited my own toilet for anything but to â â â â . To stay with the Afro Caribbean theme, it is best explained as a rumble in the jungle.
I must have drunk 4 litres of tea per day since leaving the ward and eaten 2 light meals per day. Now it felt like my stomach was filled with concrete. It started, it was excruciating pain and I was worried I was going to knock my new hip out. I am not sure whether others do this but I always look in the pan when finished and this time was most suitably impressed, it was almost Ăž full. Schoolboy humour made me quite proud of that fact. My friend had gone home last night but she returned shortly after my major defecation, windows were opened wide and she said, âYou have lost weightâ and you have got some colour back in your faceâ. âMake tea woman, I suggested bravely. Due to the fact I am taking 27 pills comprised of strong pain killers, paracetamol, statins, aspirin, ace inhibitors and mad pills I was given a liquid laxative in hospital. This I must have left behind and bulk supplies were sent for along with repeat prescriptions of class A drugs.
My friend swears she was followed home from the chemist as I now have 3 months supplies of tablets in my possession. Gangs of teenage street pharmacists are parked outside in blacked out blinged up Saxo and Corsas. This added to my own therapy of Marstonâs Pedigree makes me feel invincible. I proved this point after my final visit from the outreach nurse. I am on my own now, my dressing is removed the sutures have fallen out as they are dissolvable and the TEDS will now be changed by others, this will prove if I still have any friends left. Other equipment I either bought or borrowed from the OT department was as mentioned, my high rise seat with armrests, a pair of crutches with arm clips, tea/computer trolley and a raised toilet seat. I already had a perching stool which I use to manoeuvre myself around the bathroom and lean on it to have a serious wash. I have a couple of long handled grabbers and an extended shoe horn, a dustpan and brush with a 3â long handle. All this negates the need to bend down or to get in any dangerous positions.
The Rules
For 6 weeks I must not bend my new joint more than 90 degrees. I cannot reach below my knee. I cannot have a bath or shower unless it is a walk in type. I must sleep flat on my back with a pillow between my knees with toe pointing out or upwards. I cannot cross my legs, but then again I never could. To sit in a car it must be done methodically with care, thus preventing my hip bending too far or from my arse being too low to the ground. Even at home I cannot sit on a normal sofa or suite, no swivel office chairs and certainly none of that other malarkey with lady friends or 2nd cousins unless they help themselves.
The bonus of the no bathing rule is that I get somewhere to keep my push bike and I am growing plants in the bath. When I am tired I can be rude and obnoxious and I still get sympathy. I have had gifts and best wishes from the most unexpected of places and am quite touched by it all.
Day 8.
Sleeping for about 4 hours per night now, not through pain, just through lack of exertion I presume, exercises consist of flexing my knees, wiggling my toes and lifting my leg to the side and back 10 times twice a day to get the muscle working again without tearing it. Today is a breakthrough I have dressed myself in some decent clothes, got a pair of new trainers that have never been fastened properly because of the swellings in my feet and ankles to meet in the middle, in fact they may be even too big now. We had arranged a lift to ASDA for supplies. I am unable to drive anything for at least 6 weeks but do not have a roadworthy car at present. I decided yesterday that I was not going to sit in the car, on a disability scooter or in a wheelchair while shopping, so got a normal shopping trolley, threw my crutches in it and went off shopping for almost 2 hours using the trolley for balance and to protect me from marauding shoppers after the last reduced tin of dented baked beans. The most painful part so far was paying for it all.
From the supermarket we came back and my friends put the shopping in the flat while I walked to the pub. I was the first one in and the last one out that day. I was happy things were feeling easier, 6 pints apparently, never drunk so much for about 10 years. Now a new regime starts. I have joined weight watchers on line which seems as though it may be simple as you are only cheating yourself if you pretend to lose weight each week. I doubt I will be driving lorries again as my arthritis is severe, my knees are knocking on the surgeons door and COPD from years of self abuse with the help of Philip Morris.
Waiting for the time I can get my bike out of the bath, myself in it again and go and explore the Derbyshire dales on wheel or foot, when Diesel Dave visited recently I could only walk 500 yards in extreme pain. If anyone needs a joint replacement, go for it, itâs a piece of â â â â .
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
Youâre on your own, and you know what you know.
And you are the one whoâll decide where youâll go.
absolutely gutted fella, not one picture of a nurse (female) in uniform or a glimpse of naughty matron 
welshboyinspain:
absolutely gutted fella, not one picture of a nurse (female) in uniform or a glimpse of naughty matron
What do you think I am a pervert?
I kept those for my personal use later in my recovery
Great read mate, and I hope the recovery goes well . 
That wee scottie lookâs like butter wouldânt melt but I know from experience they can be bad tempered but loyal and totally fearless.
Years ago I had a doberman, it still had itâs goolies so it could be a bit wild and would sink itâs teeth into anything that took itâs fancy, new neighbours moved in next door and within a week their wee scottie had our big bad doberman in itâs back pocket, it was â â â â â â hilarious our dog would be out in the garden and all that wee scottie had to do was appear at the window next door and our dog would be in the back door at 100mph.
oooh err thanks for the warning about the pictures just woke up 
must be the stichies and brusing 
alfa man:
Great read mate, and I hope the recovery goes well .
That wee scottie lookâs like butter wouldânt melt but I know from experience they can be bad tempered but loyal and totally fearless.
Years ago I had a doberman, it still had itâs goolies so it could be a bit wild and would sink itâs teeth into anything that took itâs fancy, new neighbours moved in next door and within a week their wee scottie had our big bad doberman in itâs back pocket, it was [zb] hilarious our dog would be out in the garden and all that wee scottie had to do was appear at the window next door and our dog would be in the back door at 100mph.
Brilliant. Our Westie still has its knackers and it is my daily threat to him when he misbehaves. I am sure he understands.
He is called Radley after the ladies designer handbags, the Dog was cheaper than the last 2 bags and much more fun. At least I can walk down the street with him
One month on and the best thing thing is the sympathy from folks, free beer, sit here Malc, you look well, it has knocked 10 years off you.
I discovered a better medication today, instead of taking liquid laxatives, I found that Arthurâs Finest does the same job, in fact it works better, and allows you to to soil your pants without any worries.
The lady in my life had to do an official day today, so I got drunk. she was out with her husband 
I manage quite well around the house without crutches. I go out with two, but only need one on kerbs and slopes, it is fairly painful. If you need a hip operation, get it done. I have lost 3kg since my op. Only got another 40 to go
Another milestone passed today, well several that I have missed out of my recovery.
I managed my first home shower since March 28th, well not quite but my first shower without assistance and I took an hour to soak myself and just let the hot water run over me. I got rid of my crutches about a month ago and have a single NHS walking stick to help with steps and kerbs.
The best bit is able to go without Nora Batty compression stockings, the local nurse has been coming in to change those and to check for ulcers. I have been out walking with the dog who still has his knackers. My biggest problem at the moment and the one which is going to prevent me going to work is that my legs and ankles are still severely swollen and my feet are about size 13 from a former size 9.5 
Weight loss continues well and my old clothes fit me again, some better than others but I tried a suit on for a funeral and it has never looked better on me. My next visit to the doctor is this afternoon and we will discuss changing my medication. I hate taking pills and potions and am now on just 11 items per day.
I take painkillers before I do anything strenuous like going to the shops or dog walking. Apparently I am still not allowed to ride my bicycle as muscle is still forming around the replacement hip, the downside of this modern operation is that the new joint is so much smaller and it has left a void or a big dent in my thigh
Some things I couldnât do are so simple now, yet things that came naturally before, now send huge shooting pains up & down my legs to remind me to act my age. All in all I feel great though. I think I mentioned before, if anyone is in two minds about having a joint replacement, get it done sooner rather than later, you will not regret it.
The next custom alterations I need are a couple of knee replacements but they are quite a long way from that yet as pain is managed by Codeine Phosphate, Diclofenac or Paracetamol. My swollen legs are simply caused by water retention, the answer is to drink more water
I am going for a walk, come on doglet!
Good read Malc, glad to hear youâre making a good recovery (dunno how I missed this thread before).
Iâve got my first dentist appointment finally booked for next Tuesday after 15 years of neglect and putting it off due to a couple of nightmare experiences with private dentists 
. Fortunately Iâve managed to grab an NHS placement at a dentist with an excellent reputation so Iâm about managing to hold off from being a gibbering wreck. I donât âdoâ pain⌠
Keep us updated on your progress - youâll be back on that bike in no time. 