Don’t ever think or say to yourself that every thing is going just great today …'cos you know what happens next 
Do not open the doors on a plane when it is flying.
Do not put a Burito in the taco.
mick.mh2racing:
Don’t tie your shoes when you’re in a revolving door.
Lol 
seth 70:
Theres a gaurd at a place i go making my life difficult at the minute,no matter what i do he has a pop and a little comment,hes winning me at the minute aswell,does everything to the book ,ive tried to be nice but hes having none of it,one of the other gaurds says when hes on nights order him a takeaway from every shop in the area delivered to the gatehouse
Remind him he’s only employed there because he’s cheaper than a padlock
My top tip
dont have a five knuckle shuffle when you got a headache, just makes ya head pound worse…
Never trust a boss that will say “It is only a short run.”
That short run,transpires in to a five hour wait at a Rdc,a night out with no sleeping bag or kit.
Don’t ■■■■ in the wind 
Unavoidable, see how far it’ll go with the wind at your back 
Where a nose peg to use the loo in motorway service areas.
A badgers armpit smells better.
Remember which bottle you had a wee in,get the wrong bottle and drink your own wee.When half asleep mistakes do happen.